Dark times.
I was having a hard time in life.
Even when everyone else was telling me that I was doing a good job, I never felt OK.
I never believed that everything would stay OK from one day to the next, either.
This sense of fear, of foreboding, was always haunting me.
Today, I know what that feeling was:
"For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, 27But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. " (Hebrews 10: 26-27)
The truth which the writer of Hebrews is speaking of relates to the Gospel, that in Christ all our sins are put away and we are fully justified, made righteous.
Furthermore, when Jesus died on the Cross, He cut a new covenant with the whole human race, which we receive as follows:
"10For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:
11And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.
12For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (Hebrews 8: 10-12)
Everything is taken care in Christ, for we receive His life, and His laws (the law of the Spirit, love, life, liberty, and faith), and we are guided by His grace and peace.
He supplies to us, as well.
I had no knowledge that I was supposed to live by faith in all that Jesus did for me. There is so much more to the Gospel which I was not aware of. The big reason why? The AA cult, which taught me to keep looking at my faults and failures, rather this His Finished Work and His faith.
If we are still looking to ourselves, then what we left with? Our sins and habits, which are not removed from us, plus the fearful looking after of judgment.
That fear was unbearable. I believed that the whole world rested on my shoulders, and I had to hold my feeling and thoughts in check so that the world would not fall apart around me. The pain and struggle was just so great.
I had misconstrued a scripture, a misunderstand which had forced me to think that I had to engage in a debilitating mind control to be safe and sound.
I had no full understanding of the Cross, of what it meant. I read through so much in my life, and I was incorporating everything in the Bible through AA. That was just wrong.
And evil, and destined to inflict nothing but bondage.
I was so turned up and frustrated because I had not been rightly dividing the Word of God, and such failed outcomes are inevitable when placing Jesus next to anything else, as if what He did at the Cross was not enough.
I had misconstrued a scripture, a misunderstand which had forced me to think that I had to engage in a debilitating mind control to be safe and sound.
I had no full understanding of the Cross, of what it meant. I read through so much in my life, and I was incorporating everything in the Bible through AA. That was just wrong.
And evil, and destined to inflict nothing but bondage.
I was so turned up and frustrated because I had not been rightly dividing the Word of God, and such failed outcomes are inevitable when placing Jesus next to anything else, as if what He did at the Cross was not enough.
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