This tired cliché is often trotted out for people who have a hard time letting go of pain, suffering, bitterness, etc. in their lives.
The cult of Twelve Steps tells people that they have to look at the people who have harmed them as though they were just sick, and because they were sick, we should not be angry at them, for that's not the way to treat people.
Such an argument is false as well as offensive, immoral, and ultimately unsatisfying.
Something in our bodies, in our minds will not relent in the face of evil, in the presence of injustice.
There was so many people whom I met and whom I knew, talked with in AA meetings, and the resentment, bitterness, and outrage in their lives remained at an all time high.
Let's start telling the truth. The AA program, whether we are talking about anger, fear selfishness, fright, etc. does not work.
I have submitted before, and I stand by this statement even now: Twelve Step programs actually create resentment, they induce bitterness, they make us more angry, as they teach us to look at our feelings and thoughts.
What's worse, though, is the wicked argument which follows:
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.
Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight. (AA, pg 67)
I cannot think of a more offensive regimen for helping anyone overcome anything in this life.
The more that we look at ourselves, and try to make amends for our own faults, failings, sins, etc. the more that we actually magnify our lack of forgiveness for other people.
The true program for forgiveness is not in our trying to forgive others, but rather recognizing how forgiven we are:
"31Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4: 31-32)
The word "forgive" is not rich enough in the King James translation, as the word is actually "charitoo", which means on its surface "be gracious" or "give grace to"
We cannot give grace to others until we know and believe in His love for us, in that He has been completely gracious to us and other sins.
We also need to realize that as far as God is concerned with us, all our sins have been put away paid for, sent away, and thus we are no longer bound by our efforts, whether in what we think or do, or not do, in order to be pleasing to God in some way.
In fact, with the same verb used, Paul expresses that we have been graced, favored, and accepted in the Beloved, Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1: 6)
So, we are not in the business of trying to make ourselves pay for our sins, and thus we are more than willing to let the garbage which other people have perpetrated against us go away, as well.
We have been blessed with all spiritual blessings in Christ, and we can trust that He will freely give us all things, because He gave Himself so freely for us at the Cross.
We do not have to put away our bad memories, because the sting, the bitterness, the hurt of shame and reproach has been put away forever in all that Christ Jesus has done for us at the Cross.
Thus, we can rest, rejoice, and receive all kinds of blessings from our Daddy God, and say as did Joseph the promoted federal head of all Egypt:
"50And unto Joseph were born two sons before the years of famine came, which Asenath the daughter of Potipherah priest of On bare unto him. 51And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father's house. 52And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction." (Genesis 41: 50-52)
It's not our job to forget, and we do not have to strive to forgive, because when we understand how fully forgiven we are in Christ, then we cannot help but extend this same grace to other people, too!
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