Why I Feared Accepting His Unconditional Love

His Love is deeper than the oceans and valleys.

In fact, the Psalmist writes:

"9If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

"10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me." (Psalm 139:9-10)

We cannot be taken away from His love for us.

But what caused me to fear receiving His uncondititional love?

I believed that if I realized that God loved me unconditionally, I would still sin, I would do really bad things. I would lose control and descend into incalculable depravity.

Today, I finally understand the shock that Paul the Apostle had to such a suggestion.

Paul writes to the Romans:

"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? 2God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?" (Romans 6:1-2)

I never realized how good God's love really is for me!

I struggled with so many temptations, internal struggles, different perversions.

I never knew what to do. All of it, as I have written before, was animated by a sense that God's love and goodness was cut off or separated from me because of those inner problems.

Today, I realize that even when I have those bad feelings, those fleshy desires, never stopped God from loving me.

And yet, I believed that those terrible thoughts and feelings would never go away. 

Only more recently than ever have I realized that His love for me is indeed BETTER than anything that this world can give me.

John wrote this without hesitation on his First Epistle:

"Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." (1 John 2:15)

Why should we not love what the world has to offer?

"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever." (1 John 2:16-17)

Another reason I feared His unconditional love:

I thought that it would not be enough. The love, the same-sex attraction which I felt for other men, seemed like the best that I could hope for.

Then I realized that He is not going to stop loving me, even when my behavior, my feelings are not lovely. Wow! This is incredible!

His love is not some simple, silly, inconsequential sentiment, either! His love is robust, effective, active, intervening in my life. WOW!