What the Problem Was, Really. . .

I never felt at rest, I never felt at peace, at all.

I will never forget that one September evening.

I had it all. . .( or at least what one would call "all". . )

I had moved out of my parents house (finally).

I had my own job, full-time and fully benefited.

I had my own car.

There I was, sitting alone in a South Bay Burger King.

All I could ask was "Is this all there is?"

I did not have life, or that more abundantly.

I felt so alone in the world. So alone. Such is the price of self-centeredness based on trying to keep the law, trying to keep short accounts with God, for fear that anything that I might say or do would "cut me off" from the sunlight of the Spirit.

I read my Bible, I prayed to God, I I I.

Wow, a life of self is not worth even putting on a shelf.

This malaise seemed to follow me without end.

I was reading my Bible, but not in order to grow in grace and knowledge of the Lord, but in order to cover pages. It was an exercise, one that gave me nothing but something to do.

So empty, so lost.

The common denominator in all of this: The Twelve Steps. I was still going to meetings in afternoons or on weekends.

The last meeting I attended, a Saturday just before Christmas vacation. Whatever I was looking for, I did not find.

The malaise never went away. What was I doing here on this planet?

Little did I realize in those days: I was still suffering from a sin conscience, the deep-set sense of alienation and wrongdoing which plagues every son of Adam.

AA cannot deal with this "sin conscience". Working the steps, taking your inventory, going to meetings, doing good works, none of it can fill the eternal need in every man:

"He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end." (Ecclesiastes 3: 11)

In fact, the Holy Spirit works the greatest miracle into the heart of every believer once they receive the grace of God through faith:

"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:

"And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.

"For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (Hebrews 8: 10-12)

This is the New Covenant, people:

"For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins." (Matthew 26: 28)

Paul relates this powerful truth to the Corinthians:

"After the same manner also he took the cup, when he had supped, saying, This cup is the new testament in my blood: this do ye, as oft as ye drink it, in remembrance of me." (1 Corinthians 11: 25)

and

"And to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel." "(Hebrews 12: 24)

The blood of Abel spoke judgment and retribution. The blood of Jesus speaks -- present tense! -- love, grace, favor, blessings, and every good and perfect gift in Christ.