What the Problem Was, Really. . .AA (Christ Alone is the Only Answer)

I read my Bible, my devotional, and a chapter from the Big Book. I even read portions from "As Bill Sees It", as if those insights would give me insight onto how to live my life.

Still, life was not worth living. There did not seem to be anything worth doing in this life. I had no energy, no drive, no certainty that anything would be worth doing.

I was bored at my job. Yes, I was a full-time teacher in South Gate. I had all that I needed, but not the greatest need: righteousness:

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6: 33-34)

Righteousness is the key enforcer of the New Covenant, because God is propitious to our unrighteousness, and does not remember our sins and iniquities anymore (Thank You, Jesus!)

I took up a Masters Degree Program, hoping that achieving more things would make life worth living. Instead of tedium, my life was nothing but tension. I was rushing around from one activity to the next, with no down time. I was tired, had no capacity to rest, because I did not see Jesus as the All-Powerful Savior who wanted to move in every corner of my life. I did not realize that He is my Life in every way.

Once again, AA is to blame, because the program fosters in every person the dreaded, evil notion that they have to keep up their connection with God.

Jesus Christ alone is the answer, the only answer. There is no adding to all that Jesus Christ did for us on the Cross. When He said "It is Finished", he was not blowing smoke, he was not alleging that someone else would tie up loose ends, He was not hoping that someone would pick up where He left off. The work is done. Will you believe Him or not?

I did not believe Him at the time. The ministry of condemnation was still quite strong in my life, borne in my soul because of the law mentality.

In effect, I had the following:

"26For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, 27But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries." (Hebrews 10: 26-27)

It's not enough to "have knowledge" of the Truth. We must choose to rest in the truth (Hebrews 4: 8-11) AA does not let anyone rest.

In Hebrews 10: 26-27), "sin wilfully" refers to the choice of Hebrew Christians who insisted on sacrificing animals, even though they believed that Jesus is the Messiah. Christians who have joined AA are also "sinning wilfully" because they believe that they have to confess their sins, take their inventory, search their hearts for any sins, when God does not even remember our sins anymore. The blood of Jesus Christ keeps on cleansing us (1 John 1:7), and any animal sacrifice suggests that the believer does not believe that Jesus did it all.

Christ is the only answer, because His blood atones completely. Man cannot be satisfied with sometime knowledge that people are not getting away with their wrongdoing.

I could never shake this sense of ill-will in my life, this sin conscience. Even when I talked with other Christians about what I was going through, they could tell me what this "emptiness" was. Frustrating, to say the least.

I went from tight, to uptight, to tied up in my life. I lost my temper, lost my peace, and did not know what else to do about it.

I walked off of one job after another, so fed up was I with all that I had done to find some peace in my life.

The one theme in much of what I was going through: when all else seemed to fail, I went back to an AA meeting, hoping to find some peace of mind, some answers.  That was all I knew.

Yet the sin conscience remains, the sense that God is not happy with you, or that you are all alone in the world.