"You are going to be doing Fourth Step Work for the rest of your life."
Yet I thought that the AA program would bring an end to all the guilt and frustration in your life?
Of course, the passage in the Fifth Step in the Big Book suggests otherwise:
When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. We have a written inventory and we are prepared for a long talk. We explain to our partner what we are about to do and why we have to do it. He should realize that we are engaged upon a life-and-death errand. Most people approached in this way will be glad to help; they will be honored by our confidence.
We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? (AA, pg. 75)
This portion of the Big Book talks about finding a close confidant with whom we can share all of our upset, all of ours sins, or rather "defects of character".
The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
What I have found time and again, that men and women who share all the terrible things that they have been through do so without pocketing their pride. In fact, in many ways they share proudly the exploits and perversions which they have "enjoyed". The frequent reporting on our sins and shame creates the very self-centeredness that we are trying to escape.
How many times do I share my Fourth, or even my Tenth Steps? I found that the more that I talked about how upset I was, the more that I shared the resentments which I was battling, the angrier I got. I never found myself breaking free in this life, but instead I found myself overwhelmed with rage, frustrated to no end because I was getting angry, and then I would get angry with myself for getting angry.
The fourth step is not a "Step" as much as a slippery slope into self in which no man ever escapes from relating and retelling his sins. Does the Blood of Jesus Christ count for nothing? Did He die for our sins, or not?
The problem that human beings have, the trials that we face, is that we do not "feel" forgiven, we do not "feel" that God is with us. But focusing on feelings just makes us self-centered, distracts us from the the Truth of what already is, that in Christ we are also seated in heavenly places.
The Christian Life begins with rest, not works, unless we speak of Christ's Finished Work, and then everything else springs forth from there.
How many times do you take the fourth step? Once is too much, and after that any number of times will never be enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment