The more that I meditate on how great God is, the One who has revealed Himself in the Bible, whose historical record surpasses the facts and interpretations laid out by men of science and letters, the more disturbing becomes the notion that a man can trust in his own conception of God in order to draw power over an addiction, a perversion, or any other problem in one's life.
The loneliness, the powerlessness, the abject fear which I used to feel when I looked at the world, even when I would go out on any given day: it's unbelievable the number of setbacks and frustrations I had given into over the years.
I had no knowledge, no understanding of The loving God, who sent His Son, who is actively living and serving us in this our daily lives.
He is our life, and He is working in us and through us, willing and working us to do what He wants us to do!
What a wonderful life which God grants to us through His Son!
Yet so many people, even Christians, find that in their flesh dwells no good thing, yet they are convinced, often by distorted or limited teachings, that they can still do something about their flesh.
Such was my mother, and such was me too, since she so severely indoctrinated me into the AA cult.
As long as we think of God as Someone or something whom we can conceive in our minds, we are headed into great frustration, and even mental illness.
God as we understand is not god at all. He is greater than our times, our past, our future, and everything else. He fills in every need, every lack, and every corner of existence.
He is beyond time, yet He is fully timely, as well.
The paradox of Him who has been from the beginning is simply too great for us to fathom or understand. Many of the men and women in the AA meetings offered up their own conceptions of God, along with the Twelve Steps. Yet natural and political disasters would shake up the religious complacency of individual members. Why did their God did nothing to stop those terrible disasters?
Let's consider the truth of the Bible. . .in which God made a perfect earth and perfect man, with a simple command: eat freely from every tree, except one.
With the disobedience of man came the fall of humanity, and the prophecy of a second Man, who would grant to every member of humanity who believes on Him to receive His better standing.
If we do not receive the full account of the Bible, then our understanding will be flawed in trying to make sense of the senseless hurts and evil in this fallen world.
We need to understand God based on His revelation, not our understanding, reason, or intellect. Our sense of justice, fairness, and right cannot measure up, nor take in all the failures and fallouts of this fallen earth.
Not only that, but the goodness, the unconditional love of God is too great for us to come up, or to understand in our efforts.
I want to know that the God who is revealed in the Word is holding everything together, for He does (Colossians 1: 15-20)
I need to know that my God supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory (Philippians 4: 19)
AA does not begin to touch the goodness, the greatness of God our Father!
For years, I struggled with great fear and trepidation, never understanding, and never resting. My understanding of God was way too small. I actually doubted and wondered whether God my Daddy would be there for me in the future. "Would be there"? Are you serious?!
Sadly, that's the way I used to think. I was so busy fixing my mind to think a certain way, rather than understanding that He is all things, and that He has promised to care for me in all things.
Why? Because of His Son, who died on the Cross, who cut a New and Perfect Covenant for all mankind, if we will just believe on Him (John 6: 29)
I never understood that Jesus is my life. That He is holding everything together.
And that He loves me!
He loves me just as much He loves Jesus! I never knew this! I was convinced for all too long that I had to feel a certain way in order for God's presence to be at work in my life.
Too much thinking, not enough believing, and the AA cult was all too great a part of these lies and confusions.
Yet I submit today, that I would not change one thing. I would have been willing to face all the pains and hurts of the past, which have permitted God's grace and truth to flow all the more fully in my life, or rather His life flowing in me.
When I learned that I was dead, and that I needed life, I was so full of joy. Finally, I was getting the answer for all the reasons why I was so frustrated and empty in my life. The fullness of my understanding was limited, was not complete.
I could not walk in faith, because I was convinced that I had to keep the law, or to keep laws, rules, regulations, and all the other little rude, rudimentary elements of this fallen earth.
"Let no man beguile you of your reward in a voluntary humility and worshipping of angels, intruding into those things which he hath not seen, vainly puffed up by his fleshly mind," (Colossians 2: 18)
I am glad that today, I can report on the dangerous wickedness of the AA cult, and the growing damage which this terrible program can cause, programming individuals to see themselves as broken alcoholics rather than as God's creatures who can receive the Spirit of Adoption and become sons of the Living God through Christ Jesus (1 John 3: 1-3)
I do not want a conception of God. I want to Truth which sets me free -- and that truth is Christ Jesus, who brought with Himself grace and truth (John 1: 17)
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