Personal History -- Good Conscience

It is not the past which haunts us.

Not at all.

What haunts us is the sins which we have committed, and the false impression that they have not been paid for.

That they still have to be paid for.

If we have not rested in the finality of the Cross, if we do not believe that Jesus' blood has purged us from all sins, then we will find ourselves living in fear, instead of having a pure conscience, just as Paul did when he was judged by Jewish then Romans leaders during his ministry:

"And Paul, earnestly beholding the council, said, Men and brethren, I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day." (Acts 23: 1)

and then

"And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and toward men." (Acts 24: 16)

Why did Paul, and why can we, have this good conscience? Not because of our actions, or our confessions, or our Twelve Step work, but because of Jesus and His blood:

"How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?" (Hebrews 9: 14)

I have been going to church for years. I have been reading my Bible for years. Bible studies, commentaries, concordance.

I have read so much. I knew so much in the Bible.

Yet this issue of perfect forgiveness was not settled.

If we do not accept that Jesus has granted us total forgiveness, then this is what we have to look forward to:

"Of whom we have many things to say, and hard to be uttered, seeing ye are dull of hearing. 12For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. 13For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. 14But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil." (Hebrews 5: 11-14)

My mother read the Bible in so many ways. She had her concordance all set, and she would study some of the most interesting topics. I used to look up the names of the personages represented in the Bible, so that I could learn more.

Yet all of this learning comes to nought without receiving the testimony of the perfect Work of Jesus:

"Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more: 5Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee; 6Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless.

 

7But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. 8Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ," (Philippians 3: 4-8)

 

No wonder my study of God's Word was sometimes not very fruitful.

 

I was not growing in grace and knowledge of the Lord (2 Peter 3: 18), but rather I was just reading the Bible, treating it as "A verse a day keeps the devil away", then retreating back to the wisdom of the world, the counsel of the ungodly, the way of sinners, and the seat of the scornful.