No matter what I may be feeling or thinking I need to know that God is not just watching out for me, that He is not just looking out for me, but that He is living in me and through me, that He is taking care of me.
For years, I was so afraid to venture out, to try something new and different. Instead, I found myself doing what I knew, and not much different in my life.
My understanding of God was too small.
I knew that He was out there, but I had no idea that He lives and works in me.
Such is the painful deceit which overtakes us, if we insist on relying on the counsel of the ungodly (Psalm 1: 1), which includes Alcoholics Anonymous.
Because the Twelve Step programs lead men and women to look at their feelings, the sense of fear and dread which overtakes us can impose on us the sense that He is not with us, or working in our lives.
He is caring for us in every way.
As long as we see Him as smaller than our problems, though, then we will feel nothing but fear, frustration, anger, pain.
I could not get any sense of peace of protection together in this life, because I did not trust Him.
And we cannot say that we trust Him if we do not believe on Him for the most important gift which He has given us, righteousness:
"14In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee." (Isaiah 54: 14)
Righteousness is a gift:
"For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ." (Romans 5: 17)
This gift we receive because of what Jesus Christ did for us at the Cross:
"For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him." (2 Corinthians 5: 21)
Jesus did teach on the Sermon on the Mount:
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6: 33)
We receive both as gifts and results of believing on Jesus Christ as our perfect substitute (Colossians 1: 13)
Our heart, then, is not established on what we do, or what we have done, but on all that He has done for us:
"Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent." (John 6: 29)
The problem for too many of us, however, is that we do not see Him big enough. We do not act as if He has enough strength and power to overcome every trouble we face.
I am learning that He is big enough to carry me, and therefore big enough to care for and carry any problems which I am facing:
"A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want." (Psalm 23: 1)
In the Gospel of Luke, we read:
"What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? 5And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing." (Luke 15: 4-5)
And in case we miss the truth that Jesus is our Shepherd, John writes:
"I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." (John 10: 11)
and then
"I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine." (John 10: 14)
Notice that He knows us first, then we know Him.
Peter also writes:
"For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls." (1 Peter 2: 25)
We are established by grace, His grace, not by working a program. As long as we insist on relying on our efforts, we will find ourselves led astray. His peace does a better job in leading us as opposed to anything that we do.
Instead of a hollow program which deceives and misleads, let us rather trust that Jesus did it all, and therefore we can rest in His grace and let His labor work within us (Colossians 1: 29)
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