I really did not understand any of this at all.
Even though I read my Bible every day, I was also reading self-help books.
Either we receive the grace of God, or we do not. There is no trusting in any of our efforts.
None at all.
Yet for a long time, that is exactly what I was doing.
Trying to perfect oneself instead of resting in the Perfect Work of Christ, I found myself increasingly empty and frustrated in my life.
There were still deep sins in my life, and I did not know what to do about any of them.
For so long, I would take my inventory, confess sins over and over, doing whatever I could to break free.
Never did I understand that God gave us His grace, that He would live through us.
Our feelings mean nothing more than a register of what we are thinking.
Jesus Christ is holding everything together in this life. And He is my life.
He is Life, and if we want to live, we can only live in His life.
It is that simple, yet for our flesh, for sin, we have to die to ourselves, or rather recognize that we are dead in ourselves, and need His life.
For a long time, I still felt guilty, so full of shame and frustration.
I was convinced that because I felt bad, then I was guilty.
Yet before God, He does not remember my sins anymore:
"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:
11And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.
12For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (Hebrews 8: 10-12)
For a long time, I knew that this life was never supposed to be a struggle.
As long as we feel guilty, however, as long as we believe that we have to feel saved, we will find ourselves trapped going around and around in circles.
I struggled with guilt only because I believed that the feelings had to go away so that I could do anything.
Yet apart from Jesus, we can do nothing. It has nothing to do with what we feel.
So, for a long time, I was so worried about getting fearful or angry.
Today, I am not afraid of how I may feel, for I recognize that in Christ, I am a New Creation (2 Corinthians 2: 17)
How can we not give God all the glory, for He only can do the work in us, through us, and for us.
Something which I have learned -- I am a New Creation in Christ, yet that does not mean that Satan will not attack, trying to induce us to shame and condemnation. For this reason, Paul exhorts us to stand in the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6: 11-16).
ReplyDeleteWe stand in His strength, not our own.
We do not identify with the lies of the enemy, for they are not ours.
For a long time, I believed that I had to answer this charge: "You need proof that no one is going to get you for the things that you did."
When I realized that no matter what I did or said, that sense of shame was not going away, then the shame would subside. Today, I realize that the truth was indeed setting me free, and now I am standing in His grace.