Number One Problem: Expectations

Even as a "newcomer" of sorts in AA, I was told that one of the biggest sources of frustrations and resentments in our lives was "unmet expectations".

Of course, this simplistic assessment gives one the impression that there is not much to expect in this life. If we are not to lives with any sense of expectation, then what's the point?

AA conditions people to expect that the good life begins and ends in the fellowship of AA. As I sat in  many meetings, I found the same people who were frustrated and empty in their lives, unable to see of find anything of worth beyond "not drinking", so afflicted by the "living problems" of this life.

And the backbiting that took place in meetings. Sometimes, it was just appalling the lack of respect that dominated in those congregations, and much of the time no one in leadership would do anything about it.

Still, the issue of "expectations" as a source of trouble in the lives of others gave me the impression that I was just supposed to put up with life as it was.

I have since learned that that is not the case. I do not have to put up with disrespect, I do not have to question my thoughts and feelings, and I do not have to look at, consider, or judge myself in any capacity.

There is no condemnation in Christ (Romans 8: 1), and Christ Jesus is my new life (Galatians 2:20), and on Him I can expect all things:

"31What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? 32He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?" (Romans 8: 31-32)

We can expect good things from God through His Son, but not from the world or other people in the world:

"15Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever." (1 John 2:15-17)

We need eternity within us, for we need life. Man is dead in his trespasses (Ephesians 2: 1), but in Christ he finds redemption and life:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3: 16)

and

"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." (John 10: 10)

The real problem with expectations, the need for validation, security, the ease for all that ails man, is that we try to find these deep-seated needs in other people, and we will never find them.

I share this only because I realize now more than ever that much of the time, when people were hurting my feelings, I was convinced that I had done something wrong, or that there was something wrong with me.

Yet in Christ, as far as God is concerned, He sees us as righteous, completely justified in regards to the law:

"For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him." (2 Corinthians 5: 21)

Righteous people can expect the following in their lives:

"Blessings are on the head of the just (righteous): but violence covers the mouth of the wicked." (Proverbs 10: 6)

and

"The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: but violence covers the mouth of the wicked." (Proverbs 10: 11)

and

"I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

"He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed." (Psalm37: 25-26)

then

"The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever." (Psalm 37: 29)

No wonder that Jesus said:

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6: 33)

This righteousness is a gift that we receive (Luke 12: 32; Romans 5: 17), and with this gift every man on earth receives, can expect the very things that he hopes to find:

"For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost." (Romans 14: 17)

So, the "alcoholic's" number one problem is not expectations, necessarily, but the source of man's need, where he finds the answers that he is seeking, the solace for a man lost in a fallen world. These needs are met in Christ, we gives and gives more, whose grace abounds in a world of sin and failure, where His love is lavished on us unconditionally because God gave His Son to die for us on the Cross (1 John 4: 10). The one thing that Paul prayed for every believe to receive is a growing revelation of God's love through Christ (Ephesians 3: 16-19) When we have a growing revelation of His love, then:

"20Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, 21Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen." (Ephesians 3: 20-21)

When you understand how much He loves you and more through His grace, then He gives to us beyond our wildest dreams and our greatest expectations.