I have often wondered why people have a hard time when it comes to forgiving people when they have been harmed.
I know for my part that I had often struggled with forgiving other people.
I would fault myself over and over for letting people get away with hurting me, convinced that if I had only been a little more diligent, a little more vigilant, then I would never have gotten hurt in the first place.
Ironically, that stance of self-defense and punch back is a big problem, the very source of upset which brings people into bondage, the source of condemnation which causes us to hurt ourselves all the more.
Why do people have a hard time letting go, forgiving others?
In some cases, like my own, I was convinced that I had to adopt and maintain an attitude of peace and calm in my life.
Yet the Bible teaches very differently:
"Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:" (Romans 5: 1)
and then
"And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." (Romans 5: 5)
Peace comes to us because Jesus Christ is our peace (Ephesians 2: 14).
In fact, the New Covenant simply has nothing to do with us:
"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:
"And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.
"For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (Hebrews 8: 10-12)
It's all about what God will do -- because man could never keep the key elements of the Old Covenant. That's why God found fault with it.
Yet this New Covenant is based on grace, pure, unmerited favor from God.
He is watching over us, He is living within us, for by His grace, we are what we are -- more than conquerors -- in Christ (Romans 8: 37)
So, what is it about forgiving people that seems so difficult. Forgiving people, honestly, has nothing to do with us:
Many believers do not have the full understanding of what Jesus did for us on the Cross. John shared this revelation:
"Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not." (1 John 3: 1)
Before that, let us take in the fullness of Jesus as our Sacrifice:
"My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:
"And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world." (1 John 2: 1)
Most people do not get the full gravity of this good and wonderful gift. Paul explains it thus:
"And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses;" (Colossians 2: 13)
All our trespasses. And His blood keeps on cleansing us:
"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin." (1 John 1: 7)
Yet knowing that we are forgiven of our sins is not enough, for then we may still look at ourselves with reserve and caution, trying to make sure that we do not sin.
Paul then shares what else has happened for us believers:
"And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins;" (Ephesians 2: 1)
and
"And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:" (Ephesians 2: 6)
We are now in Christ, who is our life (Colossiasn 3: 4)
"20I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2: 20)
God through Christ has reconciled us to Himself, and in Him we area new creation (2 Corinthians 5: 17)
We are now a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2: 9), kings in Christ -- and that is why Jesus is King of Kings!
So, the grace of God not only forgives us of all our sins, but transforms us into children of God, having the same standing as Jesus:
"Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world." (1 John 4: 17)
We are also called to grow in grace and knowledge of the Lord (2 Peter 2: 18).
This grace abounds in our lives even when we sin (Romans 5: 20). When others sin against, we receive more grace:
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10)
So, let me get back to formulating the struggles that I had with letting things go.
First of all, I believed that the feelings that I had, I had to do something about, whether they were fears or resentments. This was a terrible teaching which came to me through the AA cult, which teaches its members that they must deal with resentment, the "Number One Offender".
In Christ, we are called to reckon ourselves dead, yet alive in Christ:
"Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 6: 11)
Resentmenst, tumults, upsets are all sin, works of the flesh (Galatians 5: 19-21). Strangely enough, then, all of our unrest is based on the lie that we must "do something" about our feelings, as if our peace and joy depend on us.
The Word teaches otherwise:
"17For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost." (Romans 14: 17)
The Holy Spirit is a promise (Acts 2: 33), a gift which Jesus promised that the Father wanted to give to us (Luke 12: 32)
This Spirit of Adoption (Romans 8: 15) we receive by grace through faith - we hear the Word and believe it! That is the one "work" that we are called to do (John 6: 29)
The problem for me, as for others, is that we have been taught that we must do for God, when it truth God is the one who is working in us (Philippians 2: 12-13)
.
He has put His laws in our hearts and our minds. We do not have to have a set of feelings and thoughts in order to access God's gracious guidance in our lives.
The biggest stumbling block for many Christians, is the concept of rest:
"There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
"For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.
"Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief." (Hebrews 4: 9-11)
We are called to receive all the blessings of God through His Son, who is our life. We do nothing of ourselves, but rather abide in Him, for He is the Vine, and we are the branches (John 15: 4). Many believers have a real problem with this because they are still receiving the mixed message that Jesus died for our sins but we are on our own to live the Life on earth, when He has given us His life. We give God such short shrift in our walk on earth.
And thus we come to the crux of the problems when it comes to forgiveness. We "feel bad" about what others have done to us, as if we have to "do something" about those issues. In fact, we are called to stand in faith (Ephesians 6: 16), resisting the devil.
"But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. 7Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. 9Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. 10Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." (James 4: 6-10)
We are called to rest in the growing revelation that everything has been taken care of us for us. God through His Son is greater than our pains, our sorrows, or traumas, our trials, our past, our present, our future. He takes our harships and enhances our Sonship. He takes the pain and turns it into gain, for He receives glory in taking every time we fall, that He can lift us up! We are called to submit ourselves to God. We do this to the extent that we receive the greater revelation of all that Jesus Christ did for us at the Cross:
"What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
"He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?" (Romans 8: 31-32)
The trick for many believers is to accept that everything is taken care of:
"I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do." (John 17: 4)
and
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2: 10)
and
"For we which have believed do enter into rest, as he said, As I have sworn in my wrath, if they shall enter into my rest: although the works were finished from the foundation of the world." (Hebrews 4: 3)
Being a Christian is all about Christ - and I Am Nothing - Christ-I-A-N.
When we let Him live through us, trusting that His Spirit leads us into all victory, the let-go life of trust and faith takes over, as we no longer look at ourselves and look at Him, who is making all things work for our good:
"If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God." (Colossians 3: 1)
For this reason, David prophesied that his flesh would "rest in hope":
"Therefore did my heart rejoice, and my tongue was glad; moreover also my flesh shall rest in hope:" (Acts 2: 26)
Imagine the blessedness of God Almighty, who now provides his Perfect Peace, His Son, that by resting in Him, His grace may flow in our lives.
This same grace flows all the more as we forgive those who have hurt us. In fact, we also find that as we let go of harships, knowing that indeed God makes all things work for our good, then we can step into our lives, trusting that he is covering us from before and behind, with nothing but belief on Him to quicken us to behave as He would have us.
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