My third return to AA meeting, or more precisely "Celebrate Recovery", followed after another employment rout. I was teaching at a great charter school, but the inner turmoil within me was just so great.
The life and that more abundantly promised to every believer, I was not enjoying. I never knew that Jesus Christ came to live in me and lead me by His Spirit, that He has written His laws on my heart and mind, giving me internal guidance based on peace.
I was still looking at myself, at my feelings, trying to hold on to God, when He holds onto us, and no one, not one thing, can take us out of His hands.
It was a great school, but like all schools filled with dysfunction. I was really lost, no sense of peace and identity.
AA cannot give that to you, and the teaching that I had received in churches and in my own Bible studies never gave me the knowledge and training in righteousness and grace that every person in the Body of Christ deserves.
I walked off of that job, too, distraught and upset with all that I had to deal with, from the inside and the outside.
I was really lost, and I had no idea what I was doing. I did not understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling, so upset and fearful on the inside, unaware of who I was or what I had to do. Distracted by the turmoil on the inside, I was convinced that I needed to check in with other people, get their advice on what to do and how to proceed in this life.
I went to the local "Celebrate Recovery" meeting at one of the churches down the street from where I lived. I thought that "CR" would be better because instead of any old "higher power", I would be putting my trust in Christ Jesus.
This program is even worse than AA, because it has a form of godliness, yet denies its power. Paul came preaching the Gospel with power, that we have forgiveness of all our sins, and that in Christ we are justified from everything that the law of Moses could not justify us from.
Not once did I ever hear anyone glorify Jesus Christ or what He did at the Cross. The men and women whom I suffered with were going through the motions every week, talking about who was hurting their feelings, the struggles that they were having with their bosses, their spouses, their children. After singing for half an hour about how "I am a sinner saved by grace", then one of the leaders, who barely had more than three months of sobriety from whatever perversion, would lead the rest of the group through an empty teaching on one of the Twelves Steps, using scriptures to "support" the teaching, even the verses glorified man and not Christ and Him Crucified.
I suffered through those meetings for an entire year. The sense of guilt and shame that I felt was so great, and I had no way to get rid of it. I never understood the power of a guilty conscience until two years later, when Pastors like Creflo Dollar, Joseph Prince, Andrew Wommack, and Bob George explained to me the crucial importance of the Cross, Jesus' Finished Work, Christ living in me, and the deadness of our flesh which will still tempt us, yet the Spirit of God within us grants us righteousness and grace over and over (Romans 5: 17)
The sense of guilt which plagues a man goes deeper than what he has done. It infects his fallen flesh and his fallen mind, a sense of fear and guilt which Satan and and his minions loves to stir up. If a Christian has not learned that he is a new creation in Christ, that he is to reckon himself dead in his flesh, he will forever try to put out the fires of shame, fear, and guilt, when the shield of faith alone puts out those fiery darts, a faith which rests in the Finished Work of Jesus Christ.
A mixed message of "sins forgiven" if you confess and "unconditional love" if you work "The Twelve Steps" creates a meaningless contradiction which brings forth sin and death in mankind.
I was more unhappy in Celebrate Recovery meetings than in the secular meetings. The finger-pointing and provocation which I endured in those meetings was just too much. Men would cheat on their wives, cheat on their jobs, then go to the meetings and lecture me on how I was supposed to live my life.
I still remember one member who called me to tell me that he had called his mother "evil", yet he expected me just to listen instead of convicting him of the truth, which is that no matter how much his mother had upset him, he had no right to lash out in anger. He was a broken man, one who was going to AA meetings, NA, SA (Sexaholics Anonymous) meetings, and even Debtors Anonymous. It was just crazy! I told him that he was going to too many meetings. At least he admitted to me that his friends had cautioned him about the same things.
I was so afraid to step out in faith because I was in fear of all the bad things that I may do, of the terrible things that might befall me, or the mistakes that I would make. I felt in such bondage to my flesh, never realizing that Jesus came not just to die for my sins, but to give me His live and live our His life in me.
Celebrate Recovery diminishes Christ and Him Crucified, a shameful program that denies members of His power and deludes members into trusting themselves instead of resting in Himself.
I walked out of those meeting in May, 2010. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. The program does not work, no matter who works it, no matter how much anyone works that "program".
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