For the longest time, I have stuggled with addictions of different kinds. Whatever I could to make myself feel good, to feel better, or to feel wanted, cared for, loved--these kinds of demands will take their toll on us if we cannot find something better.
What is this all about?
The euphoria which overtakes someone in the midst of any kind of addiction gives a person a sense of acceptance, of being wanted, cared for, fulfilled. That is a strong feeling, a strong desire which everyone wants.
This desire for a warm feeling can come in other ways, such as when people collect things that they do not need, or they eat more food than they should. I would drink caffeinated sodas every day because there was a jolt, a buzz that I got out of it. After years of such unhealthy consumption, I suffered a stroke!
Some of these bad habits have fallen away, but there are others which have still lingered in my life. I did get to the point in my life where I stopped condeming myself because I would succumb to different temptations, because I rested in the truth that "There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)
But the understanding of why these problems linger in our lives, and how God breaks us free from them, has really come into place for me.
All of this is really changing for me, and changing for the better.
This week, I read this verse again:
"For thou, LORD, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield." (Psalm 5:12)
And the revelation finally hit me: This is a real promise, this is a real security for me!
For years, I have been commenting on different blogs about all these wonderful verses and the great promises granted to us because of Christ Jesus.
But ... I still didn't have the proper revelation that Jesus is REAL!
He does not come or go based on our feelings. For too long, that habit of mind and sentiment was so ingrained in me. I had to "feel" God's presence in order for God to be real. And then the fiery darts of doubt would shower on me, and I would start arguing with my head.
It's taken a while, but little by little, as The Holy Spirit has transformed me from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18), I have started to realize that Daddy God has always been real, spiritual, present to me. The precise problem was thinking that I had to do, think, say, or feel a certain way in order for God to be present to me in the first place!
And why did I entertain these bad thoughts, this wrong believing, these false notions? Because that is what I was taught for years, for decades in my household. As I have shared many times before, my mother was a full-on Stepper Mom, completely convinced in the efficacy of the Twelve Step AA cult. That evil cult teaches people to choose their own conception of God, to trust in whatever they think is the best representation of who God is.
Inevitably, we think that God lives in our heads, when He is a real Savior who lives outside of us, and helps us to live! But all this time, I tied God's presence to my thoughts and feelings. It was absolute torture.
When I finally understood how present, how real, how unchanging is His presence and commitment in my life, I could see all the verses of promise, goodness, and blessing in a brand new light.
Jesus has always surrounded me with His Favor! The fact that I thought that I had to deal with bad feelings was precisely why I was so frustrated in certain times and places.
I remember some of the worst memories, and in every one of those instances, I had wrongly believed that God's favor was not with me. I had believed that God was not with me, not watching out for me, not caring for me. The truth is that God was always there for me, but because I had placed such ridiculous, unbiblical conditions on myself, I was ... frustrating the grace of God in my life!
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." (Galatians 2:20-21)
It has taken me so long to understand that I have real Savior looking out for me. Faith is not about feelings, but faith is not some leap into the dark, hoping that you will land on something solid. Faith is "the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things unseen." (Hebrews 11:1)
And the more that we get rid of the wrong believing about God's nature, His grace, His desire to save, heal, and forgive, the more that we will see Him working in and around us, and understand that all this time, we have been surrounded by His favor.
When we get this revelation, then there is no longer this need to sexually stimulate ourselves, or to find solace or comfort in other addictions, perversions, and compulsions.
You are already permanently surrounded by His favor. Sometimes, bad things happen to us because we think that we had to do something to feel or ensure that favor around us, and thus we frustrated the grace of God in our lives. However, just because something bad happens to us does not mean that God abandoned us, or that He does not favor us. Sometimes, bad things have to happen so that He can steer us away from bad ideas or terrible outcomes and ensure us a prosperous and healthy future.
I am so grateful for this revelation. I have seen more demands or upsets in my life fall away as this revelation has come through for me. Thank you, Jesus, for your love and patience!
If you are in Christ, you are fully and forever favored in Him. To the extent that we do not rest in this truth or accept it fully, to that extent we are frustrated in our lives and succumb to harms and bad habits.
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