No Longer Trapped in Wrong Believing

Dr. Beverly Crusher with Dr. Dalen Quaice
(from "Remember Me")

                                           

When I was younger, I watched Star Trek: The Next Generation ... on an actual television, when people still owned and watched news, tv shows, etc. on television.

One of the episodes that I have never forgotten, that made the strongest impact on me was "Remember Me," in which Dr. Beverly Crusher (Gates McFadden) reconnects with an old medical professional and friend Dr. Dalen Quaice (played by veteran character Bill Erwin).

Shortly after meeting Dr. Quaice, Beverly cannot find him. He disappears! When she starts asking other people about him, other people tell her that there is no record of Dr. Quaice boarding the starship ... or that he even exists!

A few minutes later, all the staff in the sickbay just disappear! When she speaks to the leadership of USS Enterprise to find out what is going on, they inform her that she has always--yes, always--worked along in the sick bay!

Periodically throughout the episode, a vortex of bright light breaks out along the walls or in the hallway, trying to suck her in. Dr. Crusher resists the pull of each vortex, all while trying to figure out what is going on around her.

Pretty soon, the entire crew of the Enterprise disappears down to herself and Captain Jean-Luc Picard. When the two of them are sitting next to each other on the main bridge of the ship, Picard shares the same point which previous staff and crew had shared throughout the episode: all the other people whom she was looking for, who end up disappearing, never actually existed!

It's pretty tense! What is going on here?

From Dr. Crusher's point of view, there is clearly something wrong with the ship, the crew, the universe at large?

When even Captain Picard disappears, and she tries to look him up on the ship's computer, she gets the same answer: he does not exist. She then learns that the universe is no bigger than the ship itself (?!), and then the ship itself begins to shrink/disappear. At that point, she realizes that she is the one who is trapped, out of place in a so-called "warp bubble." Here's the scene with that stunning epiphany:

                 

 Then the light blue vortex sparks out again on the bridge, she finally jumps through, and then ...

Dr. Crusher jumps into the vortex and gets back to reality

She is returned to the real world of the starship, the crew, the staff, and even her friend Dr. Dalen Quaice.

So, what happened?

Here's the summary from Wikipedia:

At this point, the viewer is shown the actual Enterprise, where Wesley had successfully created the warp bubble, accidentally trapping his mother within it. With the warp bubble collapsing rapidly, Wesley's fears lead the Traveler (Eric Menyuk) to appear and help Wesley attempt to stabilize the bubble. The Traveler recommends the Enterprise return to the Starbase, where the warp bubble was formed and may be more stable.

The whole time, Dr. Crusher had ended up in a warp bubble, and she was trapped in an alternate universe. The world had not been changing. She had changed, and thus her perception of the world around her at that time began changing so dramatically, with all her friends and colleagues disappearing.

But what precipitated her ending up in the warp bubble, and the tense trial that she went through in that bubble? At the beginning of the episode, she shared with Dr. Quaice her fear of losing loved ones as time passed. 

She had a wrong belief, living in fear of the future. It is inevitable that we will lose loved ones in our lives, since time passes, and people pass away in turn. That sorrow turned into a fear, and the warp bubble accident, started by her son Wesley Crusher, put Beverly Crusher into a false universe.

Why does this episode resonate with me today?

For the longest time, as long as I have been a believer, I have operated under some wrong believing, some false beliefs about God, Jesus, the truth of Gospel, the true reality of His Power in my life.

From the moment I first believed the Gospel, I was also introduced to God as someone who works through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. At the time, it didn't seem like there was anything wrong with reading the Bible, beliving in Jesus, and also working "The Program" of AA in order to make God's Word applicable and practical in my life.

Starting in 2011, though, when I learned the fullness of the Gospel of Grace (Galatians 1:6) did I begin to realize that so much of what I was taught about God the Father, Jesus Christ my Savior and Lord, who He really is, how powerful He is in my life, and how gracious He has always been to me.

There were so many bad habits, wrong ideas that I had about Him!

Like Dr. Crusher, it seemed like the world was scary, unfair, overwhelming. And in the last six months, it has also seemed as though my world was getting smaller and smaller. So many of the people whom I used to interact and engage with on many issues were just leaving my life. I found that I had less of an interest in discussing whatever issues we had been pursuing or shared concern for in the past.

But more than that, for the last two years, I have made it a consistent practice to pray to Daddy God the following:

"That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: 18The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, 19And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power," (Ephesians 1:17-19)

For too long, I saw Christ Jesus, God in general as someone who would come or go in my life depending on how I felt. It was up to me to do something, to say something, to think something or feel some way in order for God to be present and active in my life.

I did not have the revelation of how active, alive, real He is in my life!

Like Dr. Crusher toward the end of that specific episode, I felt that for all intents and purposes, I was alone in the world, and I had to strive in some way to ensure that God was with me, for me, and working in me.

The effort was on me, life depended on me.

That was all wrong. It's shocking how I was seeing the world in this gray haze of a question mark, not sure what was going to happen, not sure that things were ever going to go well, constantly doubting if I was doing the right thing or in the right place at the right time, or anything close to that.

I was trapped in wrong believing, starting every day from the wrong premise: I am on my own, and I need to do whatever I can to bring God into my life, into my day, and I must ensure that I do and say the right things so that He does not walk away from me or abandon me when I need Him most.

Yes, I actually thought and lived like this, and I lived like this for so long a time!

And like a blue vortex piercing through the gray haze of confusion, God's grace was reaching out to me over and over again, trying to get me to see How has been, had been, on the job caring for me the whole time! He was always at work around me, even when I was not believing in Him!

"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations." (Jeremiah 1:5)

and

"For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb." (Psalm 139:13)

and

"But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother's womb, and called me by his grace," (Galatians 1:15)

I did not realize who He is, and how present He has always been!

I kept thinking that I had to situate myself, for lack of a better word, with the right mindset or feelings or thoughts. If I did wrong, thought wrong, said wrong, felt wrong, I wrongly believed that God's presence and favor would somehow disappear, and needed to strive and struggle to "get it back."

But then I reread this powerful verse just this week:

"For thou, LORD, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield." (Psalm 5:12)

The shield of God's grace, His Son Jesus, has been surrounding me from the outset! I didn't have to say, do, or think anything to make that happen! The right posture is rest, grace, assurance forever that He is with me!

"Be not carried about with divers and strange doctrines. For it is a good thing that the heart be established with grace; not with meats, which have not profited them that have been occupied therein." (Hebrews 13:9)

I don't have to fight with my head. He is taking care of me all the time. I don't have to strive and fight out of the "warp bubble" of wrong beliefs about God, His life, His gracious assurances in my life. This has been an amazing set of revelations for me!