My Blood Pressure is Decreasing, Because (Awareness of) His Love is Increasing

"38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

I am learning so much more about the Love of the Father.

For years, I used to think that bad thoughts, bad feelings would hinder my ability to understand, to receive God's love for me.

I actually believed that God's presence, His loving caress, depended on how I was feeling and what I was thinking.

Can you imagine going through life thinking that how you feel, what you think, is going to affect your standing before God? The torture, the trauma that it created it was just beyond comprehension.

The tension, the trauma, the terror was so great.

I am finally understanding how real, how present, how prevalent God's love is for me. It's really exciting.

I can lose my temper, I can have wayward thoughts and feelings, and yet God's love is still there, still present, still refreshing and rolling over me.

For decades, I was stressed out internally, constantly playing catch-up with my feelings, trying to keep a lid on sexual temptations, lust, anger, fear, etc.

Fears was particularly damaging, because I feared that because I felt fear, that would make God angry and He would not answer my prayers.

This verse started to make so much more sense:

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

God loves me and cares for me not because of anything that I have done or will do, but because of everything that Jesus has done! The Angel of Death passed over the houses of the Israelites with blood on their doorposts, regardless of how the family members may have felt. The blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin, not our belief in the blood.

Now, we do need to believe in His gift of salvation. We are saved by grace through faith. It's not a work that we have done, and it's not some universal salvation. A gift has to be received, after all!

At any rate, the stresses, the pressures, the upsets, uptight sentiments which were so prevalent in my body caused my blood presure to go up! It's incredible! This kind of thinking and feeling was so common in my day-to-day life, that I hardly noticed it.

After suffering a stroke, after giving up all the diet soda, and after giving up much of the fast-food, I did notice that my blood pressure was going down considerably. I got off the blood pressure medication at one time, and then my blood pressure shot up again. It was really strange how this kept happening.

Since then, I have begun to realize that there were a number of stressors that had been working within me automatically. I was constantly looking at myself, trying to catch myself so that I was not fearful, angry, or falling into bad thoughts and feelings.

Now that I recognize that His love is completely independent of my actions, i.e. I don't earn it, I can let feelings, thoughts, bad ideas come and go. They have no chokehold on me, they no longer serve as a hateful stronghold over me, because I know that the love of God has taken hold of me.

Faith Has Nothing to Do with Feelings, Even Bad Feelings

This has been one incredible journey for me.

All these years, I was so obsessed with my thoughts and feelings. I was convinced that what I was thinking, what I was feeling, was going to frustrate God's work, God's Word, God's will working in and through me.

When I think about the passage in Philippians, however, I start to realize how mistaken, how misplaced my views really are:

"For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13)

God's work and will is ongoing in me. It does not depend on me, including what I am thinking or feeling.

God is at work! He is in love with me, and He lives in me!

This was so hard for me to grasp, since for the longest time I was so caught up, preoccupied with whatever I was thinking or feeling.

It has taken me a long, long time to recognize that unconditional love is precisely that -- unconditional. Once I understand this wonderful gift, that God's grace is able to flow in my life.

So many Christians believe that if we know that all our sins are forgiven, then what is to stop people from sinning?

Honestly, I wonder how these individuals can forget how bad sin really was for them, and how bad it has always remained!

"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 6:23)

I am not interested in death. I have known and experienced the goodness of God!

"O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him." (Psalm 34:8)

and

"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." (Psalm 16:11)

and

"Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?" (Romans 2:4)

But let me get back to the subject of faith and feelings.

I used to think that my faith was marred if my feelings were off, were bad.

I used to think that if I was feeling or thinking the wrong things, that it would frustrate God's grace, God's presence in my life. I had not understood how present He is. For so long, I was stuck thinking that God was present or absent, His love was here and there.

How untrue all of this is!

I used to think that faith and truth were all about feelings! No!

What is faith?

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)

Faith is all about seeing based on what is in God's Word, not in man's senses.

He is active, present, real, not based on what we are thinking or feeling.

My goodness--even Cain heard from God, even though he murdered his own brother beforehand!

No, faith has nothing to do with our feelings. God's love and grace do not stop flowing in our lives just because of how we are feeling, for better or for worse.

Don't get me wrong: understanding how much it is worth my while to rest and receive has been quite a challenge for me. I was so convinced that I had to "conjure up" God's presence in my life depending on how I was feeling or what I was thinking.

The simple revelation has had some complex implications for me, and I thank God that He has been so patient with me!

"The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9)

Why I Had Such Terrible Headaches

For a few years, I used to work very hard to keep bad thoughts, feelings, hurts out of my head.

I would remember from time to time that when there was a break from the pain and torment in my mind. I would suddenly have this peace in my head, in my spirit. I did not feel ravaged by negative thoughts and feelings.

I felt that that release from bad sentiments would come and go arbitrarily, so whenever that sense of peace would roll over my mind, my thoughts, my emotions, I would go on long, long walks.

I was meditating on this previous development when I was realizing more and more that it does not matter what I am thinking. God loves me and is actively caring for me in this life, regardless of how I feel.

In those previous years, I often wondered how I was able to suddenly have such peace. What did I do? What was the right thoughts or feelings that I had engaged, encountered?

I have no finally, fully realized that I rested in the fact that God was always present, available, active, loving me, caring for me, living in me. It had nothing to do with me, and it never had had anything to do with me, either!

All this time, I had been so busy policing my thoughts, because all of this time I had believed that what I was thinking, what I was feeling was affecting whether God was working or not able to work in my life.

It's just crazy, but that's really what I believed.

And all of this is a perverse result of the fact that I was so imbibed with AA ideology. That awful cult would teach me, and teaches everyone who reads and adheres to that folly, that our thoughts, our feelings can cut us off from the 'Sunlight of the Spirit'.

What utter nonsense that is!

Jesus Loves Me: That's All that Matters

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

God's love for us is inconditional. In fact, God loved us enough to send His Son for us even while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8).

God did not wait for us to get our act together, but sent Jesus so that He could reconcile us to Himself:

"To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation." (2 Corinthians 5:19)

Nothing can separate me from God's Love.

For the longest time, and even recently, I have realized still that I had placed conditions on God's love. If things were going well in my life, then I was assured that God was for me.

But if things were difficult, if I was going through trials, then I would waver. "Where is God in the midst of these hardships? Why am I going through all of this?"

God wants to break those doubts out of our lives. Also, He allows us to endure hardships to test and refine our faith (1 Peter 1:17).

God wants us to rest fully in Him, to labor, to make it a priority to enter His rest and receive from Him all things.

Consider what Joseph went through. God had given him two dreams, in which his brothers and even his parents would bow down to him. Yet he endured many trials before God finally accomplished all that He had dreamed, all that He had planned for Joseph.

So too God allows hardships to take place, so that we mature, we grow in grace, and receive more from Him:

"3And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; 4And patience, experience; and experience, hope: 5And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." (Romans 5:3-5)

and

"But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." (James 1:4)

God's love is all that matters. Whatever you have thought or be thinking, whatever you have done or may done, nothing can separate you from the love of God:

"38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

Whatever good or bad comes your way, know that God's love for you is there, is real, and is going nowhere!

"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." (Hebrews 13:5)

His love is unconditional, independent of your circumstances and certainties. Jesus loves you--that's all that matters!

Nothing Can Separate Me From God's Love, Not Even My Anger

"38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

This development, this revelation has taken more time to seep in.

For years, for decades I was convinced that I had to be free of anger. I could not have bad or fearful or unpleasant feelings in me, so that God could flow freely through me. It was unbelievable, the amount of pressure, pain, tension which I had put myself through.

I really believed that my relationship with God depended on how I was feeling! This is the deepest perversion that comes out of Alcoholics Anonymous.

That awful program teaches people that they have to be free of anger. Nonsense! You can have those feelings, and it will not prevent you from knowing, feeling, and receiving God's love.

Granted, Paul does give this clear-cut counsel to the church:

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27Neither give place to the devil." (Ephesians 4:26-27)

It's not sin to get angry. In fact, there is something wrong with you if you do not get angry at evil, injustice, wrongdoing in the world.

"Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;" (1 Corinthians 13:6)

and

"Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good." (Romans 12:9)

You can't really love people if you are celebrating or accommodating evil. 

At any rate, this is such a new, profound reality for me.

For the longest time, I was constantly taking responsibility for my thoughts and feelings, as though I  had to stop them, suppress them, repress them, put them out of business, so to speak, so that they would not do me any wrong.

This is absolutely crazy, the mind games which I was dragged through.

But God is Love, that is who He is, and who He is not going to change, regardless of what I am thinking or feeling.

Nothing can separate me from the love of God. Not even myself, and certainly not what I am feeling, what I am thinking. Amen to this wonderful discovery. Thank you, Jesus!

No Longer Paying Attention to the Worries and What Ifs

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

For the longest time, I would pay attention to the worries, they weirdness, and the "what ifs?" of life.

There were constant premonitions in my flesh, and dreaded outcomes would flood into my imagination.

I kept thinking that I had to respond to every "what if?" and "what about?".

This was a big challenge for me when I was facing unjust persecution in courtrooms.

At first, I could not understand why God had allowed me to be found guilty, when all I had done was sit in a city council meeting.

Then it really occured to me how important it was for me to understand the gift of righteousness, that it is a gift, and that it does not matter what happens to me in this world. Evil people are going to do evil things, but they do not have the power to slow me down.

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

There is going to be rough-riding and rough-housing in the world. This world is a fallen place filled with fallen people.

But I am risen with Christ Jesus (Colossians 3:1), and we are above every circumstance and setback in this life.

It's OK if I don't understand what is going on all the time. It's OK if I get worried or upset. It's OK if I start asking "what if" and "what about".

However, it's not my job, it's not my problem to answer those questions.

God is Love. That is established. And just as I receive His gift of righteousness apart from works, so too He loves me apart from works, efforts, thoughts, or feelings on my part.

Righteousness Has Nothing to Do With Us

"For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ." (Romans 5:17)

Righteousness is a gift. We receive it as such. A gift has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with the giver.

The bigger question emerges: Are you willing to receive it, or are you insisting on achieving it in some fashion?

Ever since Pastor Prince expounded on Romans 5:17, I was invested in receiving and receiving this gift.

Yet I had no idea that in my own mind, to an extent, I was still trying to earn it. If there were bad circumstances, if there were mean people who shamed or harmed me, if there were bad feelings, or environmental upsets, I would still question my righteousness.

In this was a problem for me because I was still attaching myself and my circumstances to my status of righteousness.

This is a bad habit which God wants to break us free of.

I had to get to the point where I was found guilty without cause in a courtroom, and I was forced into sentencing, then faced unjust outcomes. In the midst of all these circumstances, I learned to understand that no matter what's happening around me I have been made the righteousness of God in Christ. It has absolutely nothing to do with me myself my circumstances my status my sentiments absolutely nothing.

"That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:" (1 Peter 1:7).

Faith in what, though? Our righteous standing in Christ!

This faced some trials, but by the grace of God I have come out stronger, and more entrenched in the truth of who I am in Christ Jesus!

"In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee." (Isaiah 54:14)

None of the weapons of the past have prospered against me.

It's all about understanding the gift of righteousness, and to realize that whether I have done something wrong, or even if I have done something right, my righteous standing in Christ before God has nothing to do with me.

God is Enforcing Righteous Boundaries in a Lawless World

"For the mystery of iniquity doth already work: only he who now letteth will let, until he be taken out of the way." (2 Thessalonians 2:7)

The COVID-19, or the Coronavirus, is spreading around the world.

Nations are closing up their borders. Leaders are enacted strict orders forcing the closure or limitation of public gatherings. Even the most liberal, progressive, "accepting" of leaders is not allowing large gatherings are potentional for the spread of infection.

Why is this happening? Why is the viral spread racing around the world?

What's happening is that God has stepped in and is now in forcing boundaries that people have not submitted to.

The politicians, the leaders in mnay countries have insisted on rebelling against the laws of nature and nature's God. Men and women who have rejected God's loving boundaries are now forced to comply with boundaries of some kind because the consequences of death are final and unremitting.

Progressives have wanted open borders. Those open borders come with too, too heavy a price. Even regressive, left-wing mayors, governors, and national leaders cannot allow for open borders anymore.

Whether the Left likes it or not, they cannot ignore the laws of nature. They cannot ignore natural law. They cannot defy God's principles, and expect to remain princes, in the broadest sense.

God is enforcing boundaries on a lawless world.

The entertainment and sports industries, too, have been promoting rampant, godless defiance. Now they are paying a price. Their performances are getting shut down. The sports competitions are in freefall. They will be forced to compete in empty stadiums before empty seats.

The movie industry was already in freefall, and now it's falling even further. This is big!

Schools will be forced to close for the next two weeks in a number of states, including California. What will the families do with their children, though? They have to provide daycare for a number of them, don't they? In California, independent contracting work has been banned. That means independent caretakers can't operate anymore! I wonder how those parents, those voters will feel come November! This is going to be interesting.

On a broader note, indeed God is starting to enforce his judgment, His moral righteous outlook in this fallen world.

Evil men in Hollywood are starting to pay a price. Harvey Weinstein is going to prison for a long, long time. How many women has he fondled, abused, raped outright? How about creepy porn lawyer Michael Avenatti? For three months straight, Avenatti was promoted as the candidate to take on, and take down President Donald Trump. Now, he's been taken down to a rotting, federal prison with four-legged rats.

Oh, how the mighty, the arrogant have fallen! Indeed!

Bad people are not getting away with the bad things they have done.

Bad leaders are not getting away with their evil deeds, either. The President of China, Xi Jinping, has been widely criticized for his disgusting failure to handle the Coronavirus pandemic. The peasant populations in China are not following for his flimsy propaganda, either.

Men and women around the world have invested so much in their work, in their money, in their personal legacies. Now, they need to pay more attention to receiving the grace of God. They need to put God's Word, God's Love, God's Grace first and foremost.

That is a core, essential boundary.

Nation states are God's will. God purposed nations to exist. The open borders powers that be in the world are militantly anti-God, militantly anti-Christ. This Coronavirus catastrophe is forcing countries to abide by God's natural law once again.

Rest, Don't Try To Do Anything About How You Feel

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." (Philippians 4:6)

I have been growing more and more in my Christian walk, and I have learned so much about what "walk" means in God's Word.

I will expound on the deeper revelation of "walk" presently.

For now, I want to talk about this incredible revelation which has come upon me.

For the longest time, I would have bad feelings, bad thoughts, and I was constantly tied up in them, convinced that I had to do something about these bad thoughts, these bad feelings.

I started having these bad feelings all over again about a bad incident in my life. It was a painful moment, and the feelings would just overwhelm me. Every time these resentful sentiments would overcome me, I would be asking God: "What do you need me to do. What am I not doing?"

It was then, this very evening, that it occured to me completely:

"You don't do anything. Since when do you have to react to a feeling or a sentiment?"

I cannot believe that this had been happening to me all this time. I kept thinking that every time some fire would erupt in my mind, I had to do something about it. For years, I believed that those bad feelings and bad thoughts would somehow stop God's flow, God's Spirit from flowing in my life.

That's not true at all! Grace flows and flows not because I do anything or deserve anything, but God's grace flows because of what His Son Jesus did at the Cross, and what He is doing even now!

God has been flowing, at work in and around me. The only thing that the devil has had on me is to tell me that I still need to "do" or "maintain" something so that He will be able to flow in and through me.

Not so! He is my life, and His life does not depend on me, but on Himself, for He is our Life (John 14:6; Colossians 3:4)

Does Paul not write:

"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." (Galatians 5:16)