More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it.
The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension - that makes for more drinking. (AA, pg 73).
I have had many memories in my life, things which I have done, things which I am so ashamed of, that I was terrified that if people found out what I had said, or done, or even thought, then I would go to jail or be killed.
The fear, the terror, was so bad, that I lived like a practical recluse for many months. There were days when I could not even get out of bed, I was so filled with fear and shame.
Indeed, we are very much torn in two, living double lives. Paul the Apostle described this conflict:
"I find then a law,
that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
"For I delight in the
law of God after the inward man:
"But I see another law
in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into
captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
"O wretched man that I
am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?" (Romans 7: 21-24)
Paul gives the answer to this terrible bondage -- and he did not advise people to go out and minister to other alcoholics:
"I thank God through
Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but
with the flesh the law of sin." (Romans 7: 25)
There is something in a human being, that we cannot let an issue rest, we cannot simply dismiss our sins as "no big deal" -- we have a conscience hell-bent on dead works, anything that we can do to get rid of the sin in our lives.
Jesus Christ dies on the Cross to take away our sin, the penalty, and the record of it:
"For he hath
made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the
righteousness of God in him." (2 Corinthians 5: 21)
and
"But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath
forgotten that he was purged from his old sins." (2 Peter 1: 9)
and
"For then would they
not have ceased to be offered? because that the worshippers once purged should
have had no more conscience of sins." (Hebrews 10: 2)
Our sins have all been paid for at the Cross -- and even the coscience, the awareness of wrongdoing, has been paid for. Well did the writer of Proverbs write:
"A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth
the matter." (Proverbs 11: 3)
and
"He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter
separateth very friends." (Proverbs 17: 9)
In Christ, all our sins, past present future, have been wiped away once and for all:
"Who being the
brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and
upholding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purged our
sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high;" (Hebrews 1: 3)
Sin, penalty, and record -- all taken care of, paid for, sent away in the Body of Christ!
Indeed, none of us deserve a right or righteous reputation before our fellow men. God knew this, and has already taken care of it:
"Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all
and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:
"For
all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
"Being justified
freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:" (Romans 3: 22-24)
and
"For if by one man's
offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace
and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ." (Romans 5: 17)
Righteousness, a complete and unshakable standing of acceptance before God, is given to us as a gift! Of course we do not deserve it, and because we cannot deserve it, we do not have to worry about losing it, either:
"Seventy weeks are determined upon thy people and upon thy holy city, to finish
the transgression, and to make an end of sins, and to make reconciliation for
iniquity, and to bring in everlasting righteousness, and to seal up the vision
and prophecy, and to anoint the most Holy." (Daniel 9: 24)
and
"That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through
righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 5: 21)
In Christ, we receive a new life, we are made a new creation (2 Corinthians 5: 17). We still have a fleshly body and mind that will war against us. Paul gives a simple answer:
"Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto
God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
"Let not sin therefore
reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
"Neither yield ye your
members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves
unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as
instruments of righteousness unto God.
'For sin shall not
have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace." (Romans 6: 11-14)
In Christ, we do not have to act holy, righteous, or redeemed, because Christ has been made all of things to us (1 Corinthians 1: 30).
We do not lead a double life, but instead a believer is called to let Jesus live through us, as He has given us Himself, the Way, the Truth, and the Life!
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