The Quietness Inside, and Why I Struggled with Guilt

There was a period of time when I struggled with a great deal of trauma and fear.

There were things that I had said, I had done, and I was so afraid of getting caught, getting found out, that the trauma just overwhelmed me.

This constant sense of fear just overwhelmed all the time. I felt so paralyzed in my life, that I felt that I could not go forward.

It took a long time to realize that faith is not feelings, and feelings are not faith. That was the biggest source of my problem, really. I had confused feelings, senses, perceptions for God's Presence, His loving support.

But so much of what is real in our lives is real not because of what we feel.

We cannot see atoms, but we know they exist, because everything that exists is based on atoms, and scientists have even seen them when using ultra-powerful microscopes.

We know that the wind exists, even though we cannot see the wind itself. We only see its effects.

We have an incredible record of all that Jesus did, and we have an intense set of revelations and explanations which expound on what all of His Work means at the Cross!

It's not about feelings, it's about facts, it's about truth.

When we understand that we have been made the righteousness of God in Christ, when we understand that the bondage and shame of the past (and even whatever wrongdoings we do in the future) have no bearing on us, then indeed we are set free.

We no longer have to be bogged down by our flesh. We no longer have to wonder or worry about perceptions, premonitions, reminders, and fears from past to present to future, as if any of that can derail our new identity in Christ.

All of that gets put off, put away, because Jesus put away all our sins -- ALL OF THEM -- at the Cross.

For the longest time, though, I kept thinking that I had to put out that flame of condemnation on the back of my head. I used to think that I had to answer, refute, resolve every "what if?" that emerged in the back of my mind.

Today, I realize now more than ever how all of those stupid doubts and fears were mere fiery darts. The Gracious God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob does not go away from us just because we feel bad. We have already been made the righteousness of God in Christ because of what Christ Jesus has already done at the Cross. 

Faith is not about doing more, but rather faith is about seeing more of what is not visible to the natural eye:

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)

Faith has nothing to do with what we feel, and faith is not fancy-pants fantasy. We are believing in Someone who is real, who is seated at the right hand of God the Father!

"Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places," (Ephesians 1:21)

For the longest time, I could not understand why those sensations of condemnation would come and go in my life. There were times when the fiery darts had no effect on me whatsoever, and then all of a sudden I felt like the back of my head was aflame in shame.

Now, it all makes sense. The shield of faith which quenches those fiery darts (Ephesians 6:16), that faith is all about seeing Jesus, recognizing that He is alive, that He is real, that we are in Christ, and that we do not look at our flesh, our feelings, our senses, our sentiments to make sense of reality all around us.

The struggle is over, and it makes no difference what feelings good or bad may assault the back of my head, my thoughts, my feelings. All of that is a wash today, because Jesus has washed me from all my sins -- past, present, future -- in His blood:

"And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood," (Revelation 1:5)

The Quietness Inside is Growing: His Rest is Overflowing

The more that I see Jesus, the more that I realize all the worries, fears, and recriminations in the back of my head were never me to begin with.

That is the flesh, that is our flesh, the residue of the sin nature which has been put to death at the Cross.

Most Christians still do not realize that Jesus did not just die for us, but He died as us. He took our sin, our dead selves meandering along in Adam, and all of that sinful self was crucified at the Cross.

For the longest time, though, I was routinely, repeatedly baited into thinking that I had to do something about how I felt, what I was thinking, what I was feeling.

Ugh ... so much focus on "I ... I ... I."

How painful all of that can be!

It's getting easier and easier to ignore all of that noise. We are not defined by our feelings, and we are not to identify with every thought that flies through our heads. We are not defined by what people do to us, nor are we defined by what we have done or are doing.

Jesus does not go away from us when there is unrest in our flesh, either. That was the real deception that had confused me and other Christians for so long. So many of these so-called self-help programs make you more helpless, because they teach you to focus on yourself.

We do not need to fix ourselves, for our old selves were fixed to the Cross, with Jesus, and now we have a new identity, a new life in Christ! (Colossians 3:1-4)

We need to stop looking at ourselves. We need to let Jesus by our life, and we reign with Him!

This has taken me so long, only because for the longest time I thought that I had to put out every fire in the back of my head. I felt compelled to answer every fear, every hurt, every upset in the back of my mind. I was not able to see Jesus before me and around me because I was all too busy looking ... at myself.

Let's look to Jesus, and look away from everything else! 

"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2)

We Do Need to Be Freed from the Bondage of Self, but Not By Ourselves

 

Alcoholics Anonymous is a real con job.

This terrible cult steals some good ideas and proper revelations from the Bible, but the Bible makes no sense or has no power or value for its readers apart from Christ Jesus.

AA is full of half-truths, omissions, and removals. It's a staggeringly dangerous cult, the mixture of law and grace turned into a "self-help" progarm of the worst variety.

So, let's start with something that is true, that is necessary for people to break free of sin, bad habits, hurtful patterns of behaviors.

Yes, indeed, we do need to be freed from the bondage of self.

The more that we look at ourselves, the more miserable our selves become.

In order to break free of yourself, however, we need to stop relying on ourselves.

We need to stop looking at ourselves, too. It's not about us! It's about Jesus!

He is our life! (Colossians 3:4). He is our new identity in before God the Father (Ephesians 1:6)

And yet, the corrupt program teaches people to worship a "higher power" which becomes merely an extension of oneself.

How do I know this? Because the whole "Higher Power" is "as I understand him."

If it's based on our understanding, then it's some being of our own imagination. Ultimately, then, we begin praying to ourselves, worshipping ourselves, or even worse giving into some projection of abusive authority figures who have harmed us in the past.

How corrupt is that?!

There is no freedom from ourselves if we are looking to ourselves to be free. There can be no freedom from self if we draw our understanding of God from ourselves.

On top of all this confusion, there is ongoing demands of "working your program." The whole AA cult is predicated on the adherents working their program, trudging through those God-awful steps every day. Every person in the program is told that they are just one drink away from falling away. Everything depends on them, not on God.

And that means that the AA cult-victims are still in bondage to self.

I need to believe in the Living God, the one who made me, and who does not exist depending on my senses, thoughts, and dictates. We need the Holy Spirit to fully reveal to us who God is, and we see God the Father in Christ Jesus:

"The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation." (Colossians 1:15)

If we want to see God, we need to see Jesus, and if we want to see Jesus, we need to read the Word of God:

"25Then he said unto them, O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken: 26Ought not Christ to have suffered these things, and to enter into his glory? 27And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself." (Luke 24:25-27)

Jesus taught of Himself in the Scriptures. Jesus is Salvation, God's loving gracious heart for the entire world, in person. There is no way anyone of us could conceive of a God so loving to us. We have to hear the Word of God, and believe the truth that way (cf Romans 10:17).

No, we cannot rely on our own conception of anything. We need to receive revelation of Him through the Word by the power of the Holy Spirit. AMEN!

I cannot stress this enough: there is no breaking free of ourselves through our own efforts. It makes no sense whatsoever, and yet that is precisely what AA does to its adherents. This terrible cult teaches people to put their trust in a "higher power," and yet this higher power comes into power via our own power.

So, AA cult-victims are right back where they started, trusting in themselves, relying on their own efforts, going around and around in depressing circles, never getting better. I reject this empty way of life. Let us enter into His rest!

Look at Jesus, and You Look Away from Yourself

 

"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2)

We are not supposed to look at ourselves.

But the problem for so many of us is that we focus on "not looking" at ourselves.

We need to look at Jesus!

The word "looking" is ἀφοράω aphoraó in the original Greek, which means "to look away from all else."

We want to look at Himself, not at ourselves.

It's not about us. It's never been about us, our feelings, our thoughts, our trials, our troubles.

Jesus, who holds the Universe and everything in it altogether (Colossians 1:15)

There are lots of noises, fears, premonitions, concerns, regrets, bitter feelings, bad memories, worries, outrages that can well up insde of us.

For me, there was often drama in the back of my head. That's the locus for those distractions. For other people, they may sense something in front of their minds, on the side, etc.

All of these fiery darts can distract people in such terrible ways.

But again, the solution to these distraction has to be more than a mere negation. We need to look at something, or better yet SOMEONE better!

That Someone is Jesus!

He is the Author and Finisher of Faith! He is the one who inspires our trust, and causes us to rest from all our painful toil and self-serving slavery.

It's all about seeing Him at work in and around us. He is our life. He is our health, He is our new identity before God the Father:

"But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, 5Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) 6And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:" (Ephesians 2:4-6)

and

"Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world." (1 John 4:17)

We have a new identity in Christ. We are a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

It's all about him.

We no longer look at ourselves, as though we have to compensate for God missing something or overlooking a need in our lives:

"1If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 2Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 3For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory." (Colossians 3:1-4)

Too many Christians are not looking to Jesus. They look to Jesus and something or someone else. They look to Jesus and their problems. They look to Jesus and other people in their lives. They look to Jesus and the church, their traditions, their past, the opinions of others, their memories.

All of this is doomed to fail. Jesus is our success, our life, our new Gospel hope. There is no reason, no right for us to look to anyone or anything else to see us through.

For this post, and I hope for all future posts, there will be less focus on myself, but more on Himself.

I will add this part, though: for a long time, I was quite confused about what the thoughts, drama, issues, hurts, worries that would emerge in the back of my mind. For too long, I was convinced that I had to do something about them.

Today, I realize how all of this is just focus on self. That is precisely what Daddy God frees us from when we look at Jesus!

We look to Him, and we look away from everything else, including ourselves!

All of the negative thoughts and feelings, all of the pains and the hurts, all of this mess just falls away as I look to Jesus!

He is indeed the End of all our Struggles! YES!

It Really Doesn't Matter What People Say or Do To Me

 "And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:" (Ephesians 2:6)

I am seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. Not stuck in my body, or stuck with my mind. I do not have to run away from myself to get close to Daddy God. I am in Christ, and I am seated in Christ at the Father's right hand!

It does not matter if there are feelings of fear, lust, greed, or confusion.

It does not matter what I say or do not say. Daddy God did not seat me in His Son because of my goodness or good-will. Paul makes it very clear that "by grace you are saved" (Ephesians 2:5,8)

Go ahead and yell at me all you want.

Go ahead and take my microphone away from me.

Go ahead and publish nasty articles, flyers, blogs, and social media against me.

In Christ, I have a promise:

"No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD." (Isaiah 54:17)

This righteousness is a gift (Romans 5:17), and it does not depend on me. All I "have to" do is receive it, and keep receiving it. That's what believing is all about!

"Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent." (John 6:29)

I was so worried about how I might feel if I ended up in a tough situation. These lying symptoms and sentiments would distract me in all sorts of ways, and I was so afraid that I had to do something about these feelings, and all that thinking was such a horrendous distraction.

Today, all of that is gone! I am at rest in Him, and I am so grateful. Thank you, Jesus!

"While he yet spake, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them: and behold a voice out of the cloud, which said, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye him." (Matthew 17:5)

Seeing Him Who Has Been From the Beginning

"I write unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning." (1 John 2:13)

Jesus is Him who is from the beginning:

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (John 1:1)

For the longest time, I used to think that Jesus would come or go depending on how I felt or what I was thinking. I was truly convinced that I had to control whatever thoughts or feelings were percolating inside of me to ensure that I was able to see God, to perceive that He is with me.

What does Jesus say about seeing Him?

"Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God." (John 3:3)

I am born again! I do not have to strive or try harder to see God. I do not have to watch what I am thinking or feeling. Daddy God does not come or go in my life just because of the sin in the flesh.

Consider the great victory that we have in Christ Jesus!

"1There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus … 2For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: 4That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." (Romans 8:1-4)

There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. PERIOD!

We are free from judgment, from condemnation, from punishment for sins because Jesus took all the punishment. He is our heavenly Ark, and on Him fell all the outpourings of God's wrath and anger for our sins. YES!

Therefore, because of this great work that Jesus accomplished for us at the Cross, the sin in our flesh is also condemned! We do not have to do anything about it!

Once again, the problem for me was that I was confusing faith with feelings. I was convinced that God would not be real in my mind if my mind was cluttered with bad thoughts, bad feelings, etc.

Yet God is real, unmatched, unrivaled in the power and presence He has in our lives, and none of it has anything to do with us. He does not come or go depending on what we think or how we feel. He is here for you and me, and He will never leave us nor forsake us! (Hebrews 13:5)

No longer am I dealing with this constant ping-pong game in my head. I recognize now that bad feelings,  unwelcome thoughts, unpleasant urges are not me. I really understand this wonderful promise from Paul to the Galatians:

"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." (Galatians 5:16)

"Walk in the Spirit" is not some mental attitude or exercise. It is all about identifying with the Spirit of God in you, not with your flesh, your feelings, your thoughts, whatever else is going on inside of your body.

"But there is a spirit in man: and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth them understanding." (Job 32:8)

and

"The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of the belly." (Proverbs 20:27)

We do not need to "do something more" in order for God's Holy Spirit to communicate with us. What we need to do is look at Jesus, see Him in God's Word!

"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord." (2 Corinthians 3:18)

It's all about seeing Jesus in the Word! This truly is effortless transformation!

"And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself." (Luke 24:27)

and thus:

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." (Romans 12:2)

It's all about seeing Him who has been from the beginning! This is not an effort we do through mental exertion, but by resting in His promises, His peace, and His presence in our lives:

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people" (Ephesians 1:18, NIV)

When we focus on Him who has been from the beginning, we become more and more like Him. It's not about our effort, but the work of the Holy Spirit transforming us, renewing our minds and enlighting the eyes of our heart to see more of Jesus! AMEN!

Not Living in My Head Anymore

This revelation is so much for me.

I just wish I could write about it, talk about it, share it with as many people as I can.

I am not living in my head anymore.

For so long, I treated God as a figment, a feature, a fixture of my mind, my thinking, my imagination.

I was so consumed with making sure that I was thinking the right thoughts, the right ideas, the right deeds, that I was just obsessed with getting bad thoughts, feelings, ideas out of my head.

If I had negative, painful memories starting to well up within me, I would feel compelled to fight with my head, to argue with those past premotions, with this impressions and notions that would well up in my mind, my soul, my memory.

For the longest time, I really treated Daddy God as though He existed or was present to me as long as I was feeling a certain way or thinking a certain way.

Such a life was absolute bondage for me.

For the last week, Daddy God has been opening the eyes of my heart (Ephesians 1:18).

It has been really something.

I am starting to understand fully the promises of this wonderful verse:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." (Isaiah 26:3)

God is OUTSIDE of our minds! Yet for years, I was acting as though I had to keep my thoughts in place on the INSIDE of my mind.

Resting my mind on Daddy God is really easy, since my loving Father is everywhere, and His Son Jesus holds the universe together, everything in it (Colossians 1:15-16).

It's easy for us to rest in Him! He is on the job!

He has cut a New Covenant for us, in which He is our God, and we are His people!

"10For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:

"11And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.

"12For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (Hebrews 8:10-12)

This is so simple! What it means to live by grace is really something to me. I am so grateful, Father, that You have continued to open my eyes to see YOU!

"We walk by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7)

Faith is not fantasy, imagination, or a unique way of thinking. Faith is about recognizing what is true and eternal, even though our physical eyes cannot see or sense what is so.

Today, I realize the great joy of being at rest in my mind.

I also understand why I would suddenly experience such incredible bouts of relief when I would cry out to God for help: I was not looking inside of myself, inside of my mind, to find respite.

I was not trying to hold on via my head, my thinking, my thoughts, my cogitations. I was resting and calling out to Daddy God for help! I was acting in faith, talking to Him clearly, without reserve or reservation.

That's what faith is about. It's not about living in our heads, but getting out of our heads, thinking about Himself, not ourselves. We believe in a living God, and He loves us fully!

I am so grateful, and my mind is slowly but surely abandoning outrage, upset, and tumult. This is truly wonderful, all of it!