The "thirteen to eighteen" set of human beings have enough problems.
The world sends nothing but mixed messages. Many of them have been told that they can live their lives any way that they want to, that whatever feels good, is good.
This recipe for living is a form of death. This philosophy or radical individualism has created a culture of conformity and dependence. Everyone of us must identify with something. We cannot identity with ourselves for we did not create ourselves, and we do not define our circumstances. Sadly, more often than not our circumstances begin to define us.
AA creates this atmosphere of self-centeredness looking for a center greater than oneself, then pushes it to the extreme of fear and self-recrimination with inventories.
People who are addicted to alcohol, or engage in other self-destructive behaviors, do not need one more reason to focus on themselves. They need every reason to know that the world is not there for them, that they do not need to depend on or seek the approval of the world.
Why are we unhappy much of the time? We are consumed with guilt, or we are consumed with ourselves in some way, shape, or form. Does anyone really believe that we can be freed from self if we sit in a meeting and share "My name is. . . and I am . . " then share for two or three minutes about ourselves, telling people our problems, our pains, our fears, focusing on ourselves, and thus never breaking away from the anchor of self?
Crazy stuff, and poisonous especially for the adolescent set, young men and women who do not need to be looking at themselves.
This then is the conclusion of the matter. We have created a culture in which we tell adolescents that they can decide their own way in the world. As a result, they engaged in illicit behaviors of every kind. They have no stability within themselves, since they are changing in so many ways. I am now convinced that modern psych and social work has made these problems worse by stopping everything to focus everything on the youth.
The world does not revolve around us, the world will not sink away if we do not hold the world in our hands our in our minds. Everyone has to learn this lesson, regardless of one's age. Otherwise, there is no peace, no rest, no sense of acceptance.
Kids, adults, anyone seeking peace and rest cannot find it as long as we keep looking at ourselves, depending on what we say or do or think as the final arbiter of all things in our lives.
A sense of stability can only be found in something eternal, not in working a program, not in taking our inventories, not in anything that we do -- all of that Twelfth Step work just turns into more self-centered actions to make ourselves feel better, and thus drags more people into a program which does not work.
Kids should never go to AA, and I am appalled at the growing number of parents who insist on taking their kids to the meetings and making them sit and listen to the self-centered nonsense that breaks no one free of self and gives us the Life everlasting found in Christ Jesus.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Kids Do Not Belong in AA
The last thing that an adolescent, or anyone who is younger than eighteen, needs to be doing is looking at himself.
He needs unconditional love all the more, especially during the harder times of dealing with an expanding mind, a changing body, and a world which throws nothing but rules and regulations at him, many of which are both complex and conflicting.
When my sister and I were growing up during our teen years, we were pushed into the AA program by our mother. Every day, she would take out the "AA"book, read us a chapter from it, tell us how she was going over the steps laid out in the program, how she was protecting us from our alcoholic father.
There is only one problem: my father is not an alcoholic. He did not have drinking problem. I am not saying this to place him on a pedestal or to deny that there were problems in the family, but the truth is that my father never abused alcohol.
My mother had fallen into the cult sway of seeing everything through the shaded, faded classes of Bill W. and the "AA" way the world works. Everyone was an alcoholic or in denial. I was an alcoholic who didn't drink, and so was my sister, the neighbors down the street, and the rest of the world, one way or another.
Of course, my sister and I would take our inventory. We never went to church. Instead, we would go into someone's room and read a passage out of the Bible.
I suffered a severe depression in those days, most likely because everything was rules and condemnation. Taking your inventory, looking at yourself, trying to change the way that you feel, all of that focus on self is so painful and miserable. And to be a teenager always looking a yourself only makes things worse.
I write this post in the hopes that the parents out there who are struggling with their teenage children do not lost patience or hope. Do not try harder, do not lay more rules on your kids. Let the unconditional love of Christ Jesus transform you, and He will begin to work in the lives of your children. Too many of us are motivated by fear., when we are called to walk by faith, and faith works through love, God's love for us.
If we doubt this love, it is only because we do not understand how much God loves us, that His forgiveness for all our sins is total and eternal, and everlasting righteousness.
This foundation of unconditional love is what every child needs. The biggest problem for parents is that many of them think that they have to provide it. In truth, they need to receive this love in Christ, and then they can share the same love with their children. This perfect love will cast out every fear, including the lingering concern which leads too many parents to resist standing up to their children when they refuse to listen. Discipline does not mean shame, blame, or regret.
Having written the following, I must share that AA is not for kids, a program which teaches them early to look at themselves all the time, to walk around in a cloud of condemnation. For this reason, among others, I am writing to tell people to get out of AA, to stop teaching people that the only that one can live is to keep confessing sins. Kids do not need to know how bad they are, they do not need more shame in their lives. What they need is to know the unconditional love of Christ Jesus, and through this love comes the stability to stand up to challenges, including oneself, and reign in life.
He needs unconditional love all the more, especially during the harder times of dealing with an expanding mind, a changing body, and a world which throws nothing but rules and regulations at him, many of which are both complex and conflicting.
When my sister and I were growing up during our teen years, we were pushed into the AA program by our mother. Every day, she would take out the "AA"book, read us a chapter from it, tell us how she was going over the steps laid out in the program, how she was protecting us from our alcoholic father.
There is only one problem: my father is not an alcoholic. He did not have drinking problem. I am not saying this to place him on a pedestal or to deny that there were problems in the family, but the truth is that my father never abused alcohol.
My mother had fallen into the cult sway of seeing everything through the shaded, faded classes of Bill W. and the "AA" way the world works. Everyone was an alcoholic or in denial. I was an alcoholic who didn't drink, and so was my sister, the neighbors down the street, and the rest of the world, one way or another.
Of course, my sister and I would take our inventory. We never went to church. Instead, we would go into someone's room and read a passage out of the Bible.
I suffered a severe depression in those days, most likely because everything was rules and condemnation. Taking your inventory, looking at yourself, trying to change the way that you feel, all of that focus on self is so painful and miserable. And to be a teenager always looking a yourself only makes things worse.
I write this post in the hopes that the parents out there who are struggling with their teenage children do not lost patience or hope. Do not try harder, do not lay more rules on your kids. Let the unconditional love of Christ Jesus transform you, and He will begin to work in the lives of your children. Too many of us are motivated by fear., when we are called to walk by faith, and faith works through love, God's love for us.
If we doubt this love, it is only because we do not understand how much God loves us, that His forgiveness for all our sins is total and eternal, and everlasting righteousness.
This foundation of unconditional love is what every child needs. The biggest problem for parents is that many of them think that they have to provide it. In truth, they need to receive this love in Christ, and then they can share the same love with their children. This perfect love will cast out every fear, including the lingering concern which leads too many parents to resist standing up to their children when they refuse to listen. Discipline does not mean shame, blame, or regret.
Having written the following, I must share that AA is not for kids, a program which teaches them early to look at themselves all the time, to walk around in a cloud of condemnation. For this reason, among others, I am writing to tell people to get out of AA, to stop teaching people that the only that one can live is to keep confessing sins. Kids do not need to know how bad they are, they do not need more shame in their lives. What they need is to know the unconditional love of Christ Jesus, and through this love comes the stability to stand up to challenges, including oneself, and reign in life.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Self is the Problem: Christ is the Solution
I have written already about one powerful truth which I learned from another ex-AA member:
"The fire will put themselves out."
I have since received great insight from another dear pastor, Oregon-based Bob George of
"People to People" Ministries.
He taught me what the "self" problem is really all about:
The problem is that we love ourselves too much. When people say "I hate myself, I am so ugly!" They are not making any sense, because if they really did not like themselves, they would be happy to be ugly.
No, the problem is that people love themselves too much, and they cannot stand that part of who they are does not measure up to what they want to be. Like a computer that we love but that does not work when we want it to, we get frustrated and angry when this computer, or any other appliance, does not cooperate, we get angry, and we end up hating that appliance because we want it to work, but it refuses to line up with our expectations.
This same frustration characterizes our depression, resentment, and fear in our lives. We struggle in our lives because we are still convinced in some way that we can fix ourselves, that if we try and behave a certain way, we will do well. Yet we are trapped in a body of death to the degree that we try to shape up our flesh. Paul exhorts us to walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5: 16), and the Spirit of God sheds His love in our hearts, in our very being.
We cannot love ourselves properly. We cannot fix ourselves. We need a love greater than ourselves, an unconditional love which pardons all our sins and imputes to us righteousness apart from the law.
In fact, Jesus Christ not only died for all of our sins, but by His death we die to ourselves and receive His life. He then comes to live in us, and we rest so that He can work in us:
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
"I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." (Galatians 2: 20-21)
Grace gives us power to live in this life, grace which defines us and drives us:
"But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me." (1 Corinthians 15: 10)
This same grace also defends us from the attacks of the Enemy and the reproaches of the world:
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10)
Grace is all of Christ, none of us. Grace is unearned, unmerited favor, culminating in all of our sins forgiven, paid for, and wiped away before God, who pledges in the New Covenant that he will be propitious to our unrighteousness, and remember no more our sins and iniquities.
All of this is Christ in us, our hope of glory (Colossians 1: 27), for Jesus came to us, full of grace and truth (John 1: 14)
For this reason, we are invited to labor, to make it our number one priority, to rest in Christ (Hebrews 4:11)
Self , our flesh, is the problem, all of our writhing, all of our striving. Instead of our obedience, we are called to bring every thought into captivity, into submission to Christ's obedience, that He is our life (Colossians 3: 4), that He is working in us to will and to do what He wants us to do (Philippians 2: 13).
"The fire will put themselves out."
I have since received great insight from another dear pastor, Oregon-based Bob George of
"People to People" Ministries.
He taught me what the "self" problem is really all about:
The problem is that we love ourselves too much. When people say "I hate myself, I am so ugly!" They are not making any sense, because if they really did not like themselves, they would be happy to be ugly.
No, the problem is that people love themselves too much, and they cannot stand that part of who they are does not measure up to what they want to be. Like a computer that we love but that does not work when we want it to, we get frustrated and angry when this computer, or any other appliance, does not cooperate, we get angry, and we end up hating that appliance because we want it to work, but it refuses to line up with our expectations.
This same frustration characterizes our depression, resentment, and fear in our lives. We struggle in our lives because we are still convinced in some way that we can fix ourselves, that if we try and behave a certain way, we will do well. Yet we are trapped in a body of death to the degree that we try to shape up our flesh. Paul exhorts us to walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5: 16), and the Spirit of God sheds His love in our hearts, in our very being.
We cannot love ourselves properly. We cannot fix ourselves. We need a love greater than ourselves, an unconditional love which pardons all our sins and imputes to us righteousness apart from the law.
In fact, Jesus Christ not only died for all of our sins, but by His death we die to ourselves and receive His life. He then comes to live in us, and we rest so that He can work in us:
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
"I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." (Galatians 2: 20-21)
Grace gives us power to live in this life, grace which defines us and drives us:
"But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me." (1 Corinthians 15: 10)
This same grace also defends us from the attacks of the Enemy and the reproaches of the world:
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10)
Grace is all of Christ, none of us. Grace is unearned, unmerited favor, culminating in all of our sins forgiven, paid for, and wiped away before God, who pledges in the New Covenant that he will be propitious to our unrighteousness, and remember no more our sins and iniquities.
All of this is Christ in us, our hope of glory (Colossians 1: 27), for Jesus came to us, full of grace and truth (John 1: 14)
For this reason, we are invited to labor, to make it our number one priority, to rest in Christ (Hebrews 4:11)
Self , our flesh, is the problem, all of our writhing, all of our striving. Instead of our obedience, we are called to bring every thought into captivity, into submission to Christ's obedience, that He is our life (Colossians 3: 4), that He is working in us to will and to do what He wants us to do (Philippians 2: 13).
Bad Advice in AA Meetings
One of the more dangerous elements of Twelve Step Programs involves the bad advice that "Old Timers" love to dole out to unwitting newcomers, many of whom are looking for any direction following the mess that their lives had descended into.
One young man started going to meetings as a forced march, only to have one of the crusty older members confront him to his face:
"Your parents are crippling you!"
The reason that he provoked this young man (which was me, you have probably guessed), was that I had moved back home from college and still had no idea what kind of career I wanted. I was stuck at that point, in many reared so strongly on AA, Twelve Steps, taking one's inventory, running my life by other people, that it's no surprise that I was very lost and dependent, so afraid to make a mistake, in many ways afraid of the "big, wide world."
In retrospect, that crusty old fool was just as timid and terrified of the world as most people. Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4: 18), and this love is made manifest in that God sent His Son to die for our sins, to be the Mercy Seat for all our sins, and that by this love we are mad sons of God, that as Jesus is, so are we in this world.
Any source of sin and shame, any sense of fear and abandonment, all are wiped out once and for all in the Cross. Parents, no matter how indulgent, cannot undo the good that Jesus Christ has done at the Cross.
Unless man imparts to man that Christ is made to every one of us wisdom, as well as sanctification, redemption, and righteousness (1 Corinthians 1: 30), then any other advice is just "counsel of the ungodly (Psalm 1: 1). Nothing but ungodly advice based on worldly experience gets rolled out over and over in those meetings.
Then I think of another example where bad advice, based on hurt feelings and the hollow pride-needs of "Old Timers" creates more problems than it solves.
My mother, Pat, she went to Al-Anon meetings for about two years. She still had a fractious relationship with her mother, a saga which my sister and I had to hear about for years, a terrible blotch which talking and vetting never cleared up.
It was 1984, so begins the story. Pat would tell the rest of the ladies in the meeting how her mother was hurting her feelings, giving her a hard time. After the meeting, one of the women who had been attending those forums with greater regularity than my mother, approached her after a meeting and sternly encouraged her:
"Don't let anyone get in the way of your relationship with God! You have every right to let that woman out of your life for good."
This piece of advice was especially flawed. God's love in our lives has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with what Christ Jesus did for us:
"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5: 8)
God's life and love within us has nothing to do with how we feel or what we think. God wants us to know and believe in His love (1 John 4: 16).
No one, no thing, nothing at all can get in between us and God's love (for God is love -- 1 John 4: 8):
"38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)
Notice how Paul writes "persuaded". Our human minds have to be renewed to this awesome and expansive truth (Romans 12:2), and Paul prays that every believer will be strengthened from within to see God's love and comprehend it thoroughly (Ephesians 3:16-19).
In an AA meeting, one will never know about this love, since the program from beginning to end focuses on the member, who has to work twelve steps, who has to keep confessing his sins, who has to play catch-up with himself every night, feeding a guilty conscience which only the blood of Jesus can every make perfect (Hebrews 10: 14).
The extended aftermath of that Al-Anon meaning, many years after, show how poor such advice really was. Yes, my mother wrote final "Dear John" type of letter, once which outlined to her abusive mother that she was no longer interested in the abusive relations which she had conducted against her daughter for so many years. This was the big "kiss-off" later, and two years later, her mother died.
Mom was singing up a storm the day of the funeral. For all of her protesting and singing about how she stood up to her mother and let her go, it was clear that her mother seemed not to let go of her.
I really commend my sister in those days. It seemed that for years after, Pat was still fuming and steaming about what her mother had done to her as a kid. She had never really forgiven her mother, and the "advice" from the "Old Timer" in that AA meeting looked dimmer and dumber as the years wound on.
This important point is crucial. It's not enough to get away from abusive people in one's life. Forgiveness does not depend on whether we write the people out of our lives or not. Peace with other people is not about writing letters or pushing people out of our lives.
Peace with God will grant us peace with our fellow man, and this peace starts and ends with the justification by faith which receive by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 5: 1-5). We have received forgiveness of sins (Colossians 2: 13), this is a total forgiveness, and through the Holy Spirit we receive Christ Jesus as our life (Colossians 3: 4). We no longer look at ourselves, our feelings, but we rest in Himself, and His Spirit blesses us with all spiritual blessings.
My mother, like many people in AA, was convinced that she had a part to play in maintaining a relationship with God, which included removing anyone who "got in the way" of her relationship with God. I was a casualty of this nasty mindset, as she left me at the airport as a child when I remained a depressed child. My sister was pushed away many times, and a number of times she threw her husband out of the house.
I have since that time learned that Christ has given every believer his life, and that His love makes up for all the hurts and fears in our lives. Paul prayed that every believer would receive a great and growing revelation of God's love, for we are a spiritual engine, every one of us, and through the love of God are we able to do all things. It is not enough to get rid of abusive people in our lives, as AA would contend, for then members are forever looking outside of themselves at the people and circumstances which seem to upset them so much. Yet the peace that every person needs comes from the Holy Spirit, who brings the Kingdom of Heaven, and the righteousness, peace, and joy that we all crave (Romans 14: 17).
Our love, our acceptance, and all the other things that we keep trying to get from other people, we can find only in Christ Jesus. I am certain that my mother, like many people in AA, get bitter and burned out because they leave the bottle, but afterwards they still feel bottled up on the inside. Then again, some still feel like an empty bottle, and thus they return to the very people who harmed them, because they have nothing else to rely on.
AA, or any other Twelve Step program, throws a bunch of rules and regulations at people, all of which distracts a person from receiving the grace and righteousness from God the Father (Romans 5:17). He is the Light of Life, Jesus, and the meetings can only diagnose problems and indict the wrong people and offer the wrong solutions to the deepest need of the human heart: life, and that more abundantly.
AA has nothing but bad advice for the believer.
One young man started going to meetings as a forced march, only to have one of the crusty older members confront him to his face:
"Your parents are crippling you!"
The reason that he provoked this young man (which was me, you have probably guessed), was that I had moved back home from college and still had no idea what kind of career I wanted. I was stuck at that point, in many reared so strongly on AA, Twelve Steps, taking one's inventory, running my life by other people, that it's no surprise that I was very lost and dependent, so afraid to make a mistake, in many ways afraid of the "big, wide world."
In retrospect, that crusty old fool was just as timid and terrified of the world as most people. Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4: 18), and this love is made manifest in that God sent His Son to die for our sins, to be the Mercy Seat for all our sins, and that by this love we are mad sons of God, that as Jesus is, so are we in this world.
Any source of sin and shame, any sense of fear and abandonment, all are wiped out once and for all in the Cross. Parents, no matter how indulgent, cannot undo the good that Jesus Christ has done at the Cross.
Unless man imparts to man that Christ is made to every one of us wisdom, as well as sanctification, redemption, and righteousness (1 Corinthians 1: 30), then any other advice is just "counsel of the ungodly (Psalm 1: 1). Nothing but ungodly advice based on worldly experience gets rolled out over and over in those meetings.
Then I think of another example where bad advice, based on hurt feelings and the hollow pride-needs of "Old Timers" creates more problems than it solves.
My mother, Pat, she went to Al-Anon meetings for about two years. She still had a fractious relationship with her mother, a saga which my sister and I had to hear about for years, a terrible blotch which talking and vetting never cleared up.
It was 1984, so begins the story. Pat would tell the rest of the ladies in the meeting how her mother was hurting her feelings, giving her a hard time. After the meeting, one of the women who had been attending those forums with greater regularity than my mother, approached her after a meeting and sternly encouraged her:
"Don't let anyone get in the way of your relationship with God! You have every right to let that woman out of your life for good."
This piece of advice was especially flawed. God's love in our lives has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with what Christ Jesus did for us:
"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5: 8)
God's life and love within us has nothing to do with how we feel or what we think. God wants us to know and believe in His love (1 John 4: 16).
No one, no thing, nothing at all can get in between us and God's love (for God is love -- 1 John 4: 8):
"38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)
Notice how Paul writes "persuaded". Our human minds have to be renewed to this awesome and expansive truth (Romans 12:2), and Paul prays that every believer will be strengthened from within to see God's love and comprehend it thoroughly (Ephesians 3:16-19).
In an AA meeting, one will never know about this love, since the program from beginning to end focuses on the member, who has to work twelve steps, who has to keep confessing his sins, who has to play catch-up with himself every night, feeding a guilty conscience which only the blood of Jesus can every make perfect (Hebrews 10: 14).
The extended aftermath of that Al-Anon meaning, many years after, show how poor such advice really was. Yes, my mother wrote final "Dear John" type of letter, once which outlined to her abusive mother that she was no longer interested in the abusive relations which she had conducted against her daughter for so many years. This was the big "kiss-off" later, and two years later, her mother died.
Mom was singing up a storm the day of the funeral. For all of her protesting and singing about how she stood up to her mother and let her go, it was clear that her mother seemed not to let go of her.
I really commend my sister in those days. It seemed that for years after, Pat was still fuming and steaming about what her mother had done to her as a kid. She had never really forgiven her mother, and the "advice" from the "Old Timer" in that AA meeting looked dimmer and dumber as the years wound on.
This important point is crucial. It's not enough to get away from abusive people in one's life. Forgiveness does not depend on whether we write the people out of our lives or not. Peace with other people is not about writing letters or pushing people out of our lives.
Peace with God will grant us peace with our fellow man, and this peace starts and ends with the justification by faith which receive by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 5: 1-5). We have received forgiveness of sins (Colossians 2: 13), this is a total forgiveness, and through the Holy Spirit we receive Christ Jesus as our life (Colossians 3: 4). We no longer look at ourselves, our feelings, but we rest in Himself, and His Spirit blesses us with all spiritual blessings.
My mother, like many people in AA, was convinced that she had a part to play in maintaining a relationship with God, which included removing anyone who "got in the way" of her relationship with God. I was a casualty of this nasty mindset, as she left me at the airport as a child when I remained a depressed child. My sister was pushed away many times, and a number of times she threw her husband out of the house.
I have since that time learned that Christ has given every believer his life, and that His love makes up for all the hurts and fears in our lives. Paul prayed that every believer would receive a great and growing revelation of God's love, for we are a spiritual engine, every one of us, and through the love of God are we able to do all things. It is not enough to get rid of abusive people in our lives, as AA would contend, for then members are forever looking outside of themselves at the people and circumstances which seem to upset them so much. Yet the peace that every person needs comes from the Holy Spirit, who brings the Kingdom of Heaven, and the righteousness, peace, and joy that we all crave (Romans 14: 17).
Our love, our acceptance, and all the other things that we keep trying to get from other people, we can find only in Christ Jesus. I am certain that my mother, like many people in AA, get bitter and burned out because they leave the bottle, but afterwards they still feel bottled up on the inside. Then again, some still feel like an empty bottle, and thus they return to the very people who harmed them, because they have nothing else to rely on.
AA, or any other Twelve Step program, throws a bunch of rules and regulations at people, all of which distracts a person from receiving the grace and righteousness from God the Father (Romans 5:17). He is the Light of Life, Jesus, and the meetings can only diagnose problems and indict the wrong people and offer the wrong solutions to the deepest need of the human heart: life, and that more abundantly.
AA has nothing but bad advice for the believer.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
AA, Sin Conscience, and Assertion
I often wondered I was so easy to upset.
Sometimes, I would rehearse in my mind the wrongs that people had done to me; often, though, I would rehearse the times in my life when I told other people off, when I laid "the smackdown."
Why was I not afraid at certain points of my life, when I would tell people off or assert myself, but at other times I was so overwhelmed with fear, that people could "mess" with me, and there was nothing that I could do about it?
I realize now that in the "good situations", I was not thinking about myself. When I was upset and unable, I was thinking about myself, with the internal "what do I do?"firing off in full force.
Focusing on ourselves is more precisely our sin nature, the sense that the world revolves around us, that we are on our own in this world, that who we are depends on what we feel or what we are thinking at any time.
Jesus came to deliver us from sin, death, hell, the grace, and the law:
"13And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses; 14Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross; 15And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it." (Colossians 2: 13-15)
We are no longer law at all, with its ordinances which only condemn us:
"But if the ministration of death, written and engraven in stones, was glorious, so that the children of Israel could not stedfastly behold the face of Moses for the glory of his countenance; which glory was to be done away:" (2 Corinthians 3: 7)
Not only does the "ministration of death", the law of Moes, minister condemnation (2 Corinthians 3:9), but its glory did not last, destined to be done away with:
"In that he saith, A new covenant, he hath made the first old. Now that which decayeth and waxeth old is ready to vanish away." (Hebrews 8: 13)
Yet in AA, men and women are taught to keep taking their inventories, to keep looking at their sins, or "their defects of character." In the program, members have to watch out for fear and resentment, as if are watching out for them will prevent them from popping up in our lives from time to time. The answer to fear and resentment is not in what we do, but all that Jesus Christ has done at the Cross:
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4: 18)
This perfect love starts by cleansing us from all sin, then makes us sons of God. As Christ is, so are we in this world (1 John 4: 17).
What does God's love have to do with fear, standing up for oneself or to another person, or assertiveness?
Recently, I have discovered that when I was about to hold someone accountable for something, a sense of fear would definitely take over. I wondered how everything would play out. Would I get in trouble? Would the person do what I asked them to do? All of these questions focused too much on myself. The perfect love of God draws out of ourselves and causes us to rest in His grace. The same God who died on the Cross for us is the same God who unconditionally loves us and blesses us in all that we do.
This love, this righteousness we cannot lose, no matter what we say or do.
With this firm love established in us, we no longer have to deal with hurt feelings, we no longer have to suspect if people are out to get us or if they are for us. Much of the time, I was so afraid of the reproach of man, or that maybe it was me, not the other person, who was affecting me.
This kind of debate would go on within me for so long.
Only recently have I learned that Jesus' death on the Cross not only took care of my sin, but also of the "sin conscience" which weighs on every son of Adam:
"Which was a figure for the time then present, in which were offered both gifts and sacrifices, that could not make him that did the service perfect, as pertaining to the conscience; " (Hebrew 9: 9)
In other words, the sacrifices of bulls and goats could never give the forever-assurance that a man was totally forgiven and justified before God, since he had to keep offering animals:
"For then would they not have ceased to be offered? because that the worshippers once purged should have had no more conscience of sins. " (Hebrews 10: 2)
Yet in Christ's once and for all sacrifice, we are perfected:
"For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified." (Hebrews 10: 14)
When we know and believe in His love, then we can receive the gift of righteousness and grace altogether (Romans 5: 17). Therefore, we do not worry about being easily provoked or keeping a record of wrongdoings. We rest from all our own labors, receiving His grace, letting His life flow in us. We allow the peace of Christ to rule in our hearts (Colossians 3: 15), as we are no longer focusing on ourselves, but instead we set our eyes on Christ, seated at the right hand of the Father, our high priest and justifier, and we reckon our fleshly bodies dead (Romans 6: 14; Colossians 3: 4) that His Spirit may live and lead us into all holiness, tranforming us from glory to glory.
So, instead of AA, which forces its members to keep focusing on themselves, and their feelings and their thoughts, we are called to rest and receive Himself, Christ and all of His glory, who lives in us and ministers to us righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. Now we can know and believe that what we do will not hurt our fellowship our jeopardize our standing before God, since we never did anything to be made righteous, anyway. We receive this grace as a gift (or it would no longer be grace!)
We can then respond effectively in all conflicts, no longer caught up in ourselves, instead letting the grace of God work abundantly within us (1 Corinthians 15:10)
Since we no longer have to defend ourselves, since it is the grace of God which defends us, blessing us even when others would do us harm (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10), we find that His peace leads us to say all that we need to say, whether for good or for correction, in all circumstances, and the responses or the reproach of men cannot set us back, for all of our good comes from above, from the Father of Lights (James 1: 17)
We are no longer trying to protect ourselves, for God is our all in all, and His grace teaches us to rest in place while He moves in and on and for our behalf in all things (Titus 2: 11-12).
AA awakens sin conscience, a sense of "wrongdoing" within us. Christ came to fulfill the law, take away our sin, and grant us "righteousness conscience" through His Holy Spirit (John 16: 8-11).
Sometimes, I would rehearse in my mind the wrongs that people had done to me; often, though, I would rehearse the times in my life when I told other people off, when I laid "the smackdown."
Why was I not afraid at certain points of my life, when I would tell people off or assert myself, but at other times I was so overwhelmed with fear, that people could "mess" with me, and there was nothing that I could do about it?
I realize now that in the "good situations", I was not thinking about myself. When I was upset and unable, I was thinking about myself, with the internal "what do I do?"firing off in full force.
Focusing on ourselves is more precisely our sin nature, the sense that the world revolves around us, that we are on our own in this world, that who we are depends on what we feel or what we are thinking at any time.
Jesus came to deliver us from sin, death, hell, the grace, and the law:
"13And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses; 14Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross; 15And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it." (Colossians 2: 13-15)
We are no longer law at all, with its ordinances which only condemn us:
"But if the ministration of death, written and engraven in stones, was glorious, so that the children of Israel could not stedfastly behold the face of Moses for the glory of his countenance; which glory was to be done away:" (2 Corinthians 3: 7)
Not only does the "ministration of death", the law of Moes, minister condemnation (2 Corinthians 3:9), but its glory did not last, destined to be done away with:
"In that he saith, A new covenant, he hath made the first old. Now that which decayeth and waxeth old is ready to vanish away." (Hebrews 8: 13)
Yet in AA, men and women are taught to keep taking their inventories, to keep looking at their sins, or "their defects of character." In the program, members have to watch out for fear and resentment, as if are watching out for them will prevent them from popping up in our lives from time to time. The answer to fear and resentment is not in what we do, but all that Jesus Christ has done at the Cross:
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4: 18)
This perfect love starts by cleansing us from all sin, then makes us sons of God. As Christ is, so are we in this world (1 John 4: 17).
What does God's love have to do with fear, standing up for oneself or to another person, or assertiveness?
Recently, I have discovered that when I was about to hold someone accountable for something, a sense of fear would definitely take over. I wondered how everything would play out. Would I get in trouble? Would the person do what I asked them to do? All of these questions focused too much on myself. The perfect love of God draws out of ourselves and causes us to rest in His grace. The same God who died on the Cross for us is the same God who unconditionally loves us and blesses us in all that we do.
This love, this righteousness we cannot lose, no matter what we say or do.
With this firm love established in us, we no longer have to deal with hurt feelings, we no longer have to suspect if people are out to get us or if they are for us. Much of the time, I was so afraid of the reproach of man, or that maybe it was me, not the other person, who was affecting me.
This kind of debate would go on within me for so long.
Only recently have I learned that Jesus' death on the Cross not only took care of my sin, but also of the "sin conscience" which weighs on every son of Adam:
"Which was a figure for the time then present, in which were offered both gifts and sacrifices, that could not make him that did the service perfect, as pertaining to the conscience; " (Hebrew 9: 9)
In other words, the sacrifices of bulls and goats could never give the forever-assurance that a man was totally forgiven and justified before God, since he had to keep offering animals:
"For then would they not have ceased to be offered? because that the worshippers once purged should have had no more conscience of sins. " (Hebrews 10: 2)
Yet in Christ's once and for all sacrifice, we are perfected:
"For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified." (Hebrews 10: 14)
When we know and believe in His love, then we can receive the gift of righteousness and grace altogether (Romans 5: 17). Therefore, we do not worry about being easily provoked or keeping a record of wrongdoings. We rest from all our own labors, receiving His grace, letting His life flow in us. We allow the peace of Christ to rule in our hearts (Colossians 3: 15), as we are no longer focusing on ourselves, but instead we set our eyes on Christ, seated at the right hand of the Father, our high priest and justifier, and we reckon our fleshly bodies dead (Romans 6: 14; Colossians 3: 4) that His Spirit may live and lead us into all holiness, tranforming us from glory to glory.
So, instead of AA, which forces its members to keep focusing on themselves, and their feelings and their thoughts, we are called to rest and receive Himself, Christ and all of His glory, who lives in us and ministers to us righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. Now we can know and believe that what we do will not hurt our fellowship our jeopardize our standing before God, since we never did anything to be made righteous, anyway. We receive this grace as a gift (or it would no longer be grace!)
We can then respond effectively in all conflicts, no longer caught up in ourselves, instead letting the grace of God work abundantly within us (1 Corinthians 15:10)
Since we no longer have to defend ourselves, since it is the grace of God which defends us, blessing us even when others would do us harm (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10), we find that His peace leads us to say all that we need to say, whether for good or for correction, in all circumstances, and the responses or the reproach of men cannot set us back, for all of our good comes from above, from the Father of Lights (James 1: 17)
We are no longer trying to protect ourselves, for God is our all in all, and His grace teaches us to rest in place while He moves in and on and for our behalf in all things (Titus 2: 11-12).
AA awakens sin conscience, a sense of "wrongdoing" within us. Christ came to fulfill the law, take away our sin, and grant us "righteousness conscience" through His Holy Spirit (John 16: 8-11).
Monday, November 5, 2012
The Hold of AA -- The Airport
Because the program actually makes you focus on yourself more, not less, Pat became upset with living up the standards. The same burden fell on us kids.
We have Sunday Bible studies much of the time. We did not go to church.
In many ways, my mother was one of the most irresponsible people I can remember. She would go riding around a skates, acting like a child, then she would yell at us. Often, I can remember how she would team up against us, most of the time joining with my sister against us.
No matter what I did, I was not good enough. Living under law can do that to a person. I was walking around on egg shells, never knowing what to expect when I saw her from day to day.
Sometimes, she would be the sweetest person in the world, other times, she would yell at me because I thought that it was particularly cruel for her to say "I'm glad my mother's dead."
How sad that I have ended up sharing the same sentiment. What a sorrow. Yet because of Christ in me, the hope of glory, I do not feel bitter, but my heart can rest in His grace (Hebrews 13: 9)
Now that everything makes sense, now that I understand with greater wisdom all that Jesus Christ did for me at the Cross, I can see all the events that transpired in my life, the bad, the worse, the worst, which made me first in Christ, and Christ first in my life!
At the time, with all the suffering that took place in that apartment in Southeast Torrance, there was so much sorrow, so much sadness, so much emptiness. I had no life because I did not understand the life that was living in me. How depressing and sad were those days, the memories of which I tried hard to forget, trying so hard.
What was the most painful thing that happened to me as a kid? The one event of many which I had tried so hard to forget.
After about eight months living in this dilapidated three bedroom apartment across from Hull Middle School, I found that this sense of upset in my life just would not go away. I was sad all the time, depressed, mostly from living with a repressive parent who shamed me and maimed me emotionally, blaming me for the problems in her life. She looked at me as if I was the problem in her life, which simply was not the case at all.
So, one night on the basketball courts at Wilson Park, I got down on my knees, begged God to help me. I was feeling so sad.
When I returned to the car, I told my mom that I was still depressed, still so unhappy, I did not know what to do about it. At first, she was listening to me with some calm in her voice. Then she started to get angry with me, blaming me for how I was feeling. She took me to Torrance Airport, Zamperini Field, where she shouted at me, crying out "I am not your higher power!"
I was in so much trouble, I felt. I was sick to my stomach, the sense that I had done some terrible thing that I could never make right in my life. She stormed away form me crying, then she yelled at me, saying "That's it! You are going to go live with your father!"
I could not believe what I was hearing. She had been demonizing that man for months, my father. On some days, he was the very devil incardinate. She called him all manner of evil, cursing and swearing about him as if he was the root cause of all of her problems. One saturday night, she was screaming and yelling at the top of her voice about the guy, for what god-forsaken thing I do not remember. It's actually pretty funny when I look back on the whole thing, but at the time her flights into absolute rage where just frightening.
That night, February 1, she was yelling and screaming, calling me "spiritually sick", in need of great help. I needed help, all right, getting away from this abusive person in bondage to a cult ideology in which a person can sense or see or ascertain any peace in his life. AA was a bane then as much as now, and I can tell you very simply why. . .
My mother told me that I was going to go live with my father, who by divine coincidence was having a Friday night church service at the Hope Chapel across the street. Just before she dropped me off, she told me "I told you to take your inventory." If I had just taken enough inventories, she presumed, then I would not be a mess. No, the inventory taking makes one introspective, with no peace. Just crazy all around, with no release from the inexorable sense of failure which dogs someone who keeps trying to make himself all right, when in Christ we are made the righteousness of God in Christ.
I am so glad that I can write about these trying times. For many years, I would not ever talk about or try to think about these days, because the terrible loneliness that I felt as a kid, the terrible abuse that I suffered, the fear of being alone that I did not know how I had escaped would wash all over me.
I now know and believe that all things do work together for good to those who love God, and that we love God because we know and believe that He first loved us ( 1 John 4: 19)
We have Sunday Bible studies much of the time. We did not go to church.
In many ways, my mother was one of the most irresponsible people I can remember. She would go riding around a skates, acting like a child, then she would yell at us. Often, I can remember how she would team up against us, most of the time joining with my sister against us.
No matter what I did, I was not good enough. Living under law can do that to a person. I was walking around on egg shells, never knowing what to expect when I saw her from day to day.
Sometimes, she would be the sweetest person in the world, other times, she would yell at me because I thought that it was particularly cruel for her to say "I'm glad my mother's dead."
How sad that I have ended up sharing the same sentiment. What a sorrow. Yet because of Christ in me, the hope of glory, I do not feel bitter, but my heart can rest in His grace (Hebrews 13: 9)
Now that everything makes sense, now that I understand with greater wisdom all that Jesus Christ did for me at the Cross, I can see all the events that transpired in my life, the bad, the worse, the worst, which made me first in Christ, and Christ first in my life!
At the time, with all the suffering that took place in that apartment in Southeast Torrance, there was so much sorrow, so much sadness, so much emptiness. I had no life because I did not understand the life that was living in me. How depressing and sad were those days, the memories of which I tried hard to forget, trying so hard.
What was the most painful thing that happened to me as a kid? The one event of many which I had tried so hard to forget.
After about eight months living in this dilapidated three bedroom apartment across from Hull Middle School, I found that this sense of upset in my life just would not go away. I was sad all the time, depressed, mostly from living with a repressive parent who shamed me and maimed me emotionally, blaming me for the problems in her life. She looked at me as if I was the problem in her life, which simply was not the case at all.
So, one night on the basketball courts at Wilson Park, I got down on my knees, begged God to help me. I was feeling so sad.
When I returned to the car, I told my mom that I was still depressed, still so unhappy, I did not know what to do about it. At first, she was listening to me with some calm in her voice. Then she started to get angry with me, blaming me for how I was feeling. She took me to Torrance Airport, Zamperini Field, where she shouted at me, crying out "I am not your higher power!"
I was in so much trouble, I felt. I was sick to my stomach, the sense that I had done some terrible thing that I could never make right in my life. She stormed away form me crying, then she yelled at me, saying "That's it! You are going to go live with your father!"
I could not believe what I was hearing. She had been demonizing that man for months, my father. On some days, he was the very devil incardinate. She called him all manner of evil, cursing and swearing about him as if he was the root cause of all of her problems. One saturday night, she was screaming and yelling at the top of her voice about the guy, for what god-forsaken thing I do not remember. It's actually pretty funny when I look back on the whole thing, but at the time her flights into absolute rage where just frightening.
That night, February 1, she was yelling and screaming, calling me "spiritually sick", in need of great help. I needed help, all right, getting away from this abusive person in bondage to a cult ideology in which a person can sense or see or ascertain any peace in his life. AA was a bane then as much as now, and I can tell you very simply why. . .
My mother told me that I was going to go live with my father, who by divine coincidence was having a Friday night church service at the Hope Chapel across the street. Just before she dropped me off, she told me "I told you to take your inventory." If I had just taken enough inventories, she presumed, then I would not be a mess. No, the inventory taking makes one introspective, with no peace. Just crazy all around, with no release from the inexorable sense of failure which dogs someone who keeps trying to make himself all right, when in Christ we are made the righteousness of God in Christ.
I am so glad that I can write about these trying times. For many years, I would not ever talk about or try to think about these days, because the terrible loneliness that I felt as a kid, the terrible abuse that I suffered, the fear of being alone that I did not know how I had escaped would wash all over me.
I now know and believe that all things do work together for good to those who love God, and that we love God because we know and believe that He first loved us ( 1 John 4: 19)
The Hold of AA -- Part III
Of course, because the program had never left Pat, the program was at work, doing its inexorable damage toward my sister and me.
I was a depressed child in those days, during the nine months when my mother had taken my sister and me away from her husband, our father. My dad had major issues in his life, too, and I was upset with him because he never did anything to help us.
I cannot believe all the abuse that I went through as a kid, dealing with a mother who lived in chronic frustration and anger, much of it brought on because of the Twelve Steps, a program which teaches its members to view themselves as forever sick, never being able to get help unless they stay in the four wall of AA meetings, going through the steps, taking their inventories, confessing their problems, and doing more "Twelve Step" work with "prospects."
For all the trouble and upset that she had endured at hthe meetings after sixteen years, she ended up going back to the meetings. In my opinion, this is one of the most insidious elements of AA. The program teaches people to be dependent on a set of ruless and systems and people, so that when people get tired of the program, they do leave, but they are at a loss for finding a better way to live. So, invariably people will come back.
This cycle of frustration and dysfunction is only made worse for believers because many of us have only received half of the Gospel, that in Christ, all our sins are forgiven. About the gift of righteousness that we keep receiving (Romans 5: 17), the grace that defines us, that drives us (1 Corinthains 15: 10) and defends us (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10)
Without the true training in righteousness and grace, there can be no enjoying the gifts of righteousness, peace, and joy which come with resting in the Holy Ghost. As I have written many times before, AA is not about resting, but action and still more action. Yet for men and women, for those who have received the Good News of all that Christ Jesus has done for us, we are called to enter into His rest (Matthew 11: 28; Hebrews 4: 11). He wants to live through us (Galatians 2: 20-21), for He lives in us (Colossians 1: 27)
This Jesus is preacher and must be believed. He is more than a "god of one's understanding".
Sadly, the simple Gospel is still not fully preached in many churches:
"38Be it known unto you therefore, men and brethren, that through this man is preached unto you the forgiveness of sins: 39And by him all that believe are justified from all things, from which ye could not be justified by the law of Moses." (Acts 13: 38-39)
1. Forgiveness of sins -- all sins!
2. Justifications from all things. . .
3. which the law could not justify us frm -- hence, the New Covenant is better than the Old Covenant, rendering it inoperative because Jesus has fulfilled it forever by granting us His everlasting righteousness (Daniel 9: 24)
I did not learn these things as a kid. I thank God, His Son, and His Holy Spirit for the diligent work of His saints throughout the world for preaching the Gospel simple, full, unadulterated -- Bob George, Joseph Prince, and even Andrew Wommack.
Yet during those nine months, the vail of Moses still hung all over the apartment that we lived in because before anything else, the Twelve Steps and AA had its full sway in our lives.
Pretty bad stuff!
I was a depressed child in those days, during the nine months when my mother had taken my sister and me away from her husband, our father. My dad had major issues in his life, too, and I was upset with him because he never did anything to help us.
I cannot believe all the abuse that I went through as a kid, dealing with a mother who lived in chronic frustration and anger, much of it brought on because of the Twelve Steps, a program which teaches its members to view themselves as forever sick, never being able to get help unless they stay in the four wall of AA meetings, going through the steps, taking their inventories, confessing their problems, and doing more "Twelve Step" work with "prospects."
For all the trouble and upset that she had endured at hthe meetings after sixteen years, she ended up going back to the meetings. In my opinion, this is one of the most insidious elements of AA. The program teaches people to be dependent on a set of ruless and systems and people, so that when people get tired of the program, they do leave, but they are at a loss for finding a better way to live. So, invariably people will come back.
This cycle of frustration and dysfunction is only made worse for believers because many of us have only received half of the Gospel, that in Christ, all our sins are forgiven. About the gift of righteousness that we keep receiving (Romans 5: 17), the grace that defines us, that drives us (1 Corinthains 15: 10) and defends us (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10)
Without the true training in righteousness and grace, there can be no enjoying the gifts of righteousness, peace, and joy which come with resting in the Holy Ghost. As I have written many times before, AA is not about resting, but action and still more action. Yet for men and women, for those who have received the Good News of all that Christ Jesus has done for us, we are called to enter into His rest (Matthew 11: 28; Hebrews 4: 11). He wants to live through us (Galatians 2: 20-21), for He lives in us (Colossians 1: 27)
This Jesus is preacher and must be believed. He is more than a "god of one's understanding".
Sadly, the simple Gospel is still not fully preached in many churches:
"38Be it known unto you therefore, men and brethren, that through this man is preached unto you the forgiveness of sins: 39And by him all that believe are justified from all things, from which ye could not be justified by the law of Moses." (Acts 13: 38-39)
1. Forgiveness of sins -- all sins!
2. Justifications from all things. . .
3. which the law could not justify us frm -- hence, the New Covenant is better than the Old Covenant, rendering it inoperative because Jesus has fulfilled it forever by granting us His everlasting righteousness (Daniel 9: 24)
I did not learn these things as a kid. I thank God, His Son, and His Holy Spirit for the diligent work of His saints throughout the world for preaching the Gospel simple, full, unadulterated -- Bob George, Joseph Prince, and even Andrew Wommack.
Yet during those nine months, the vail of Moses still hung all over the apartment that we lived in because before anything else, the Twelve Steps and AA had its full sway in our lives.
Pretty bad stuff!
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