I Prayed without Believing Because I Did Not See Him As He Is

 In the past, when I prayed to God, I was not always sure if He was hearing me.

That was the real lack of faith which I would deal with for a long, long time.

Was God hearing me? Did He really care what I was going through?

For the last ten years, I have been learning so much about the Gospel of Grace. As a result, I find that I have had to unlearn a great deal more.

It's been quite a challenge, for sure.

I am now unlearning the lie that just because I feel bad, that means that God is far, far away.

From 2008 to 2010, I struggled with immense mind-control struggles, constantly trying to feel good all the time, as means of keeping Daddy God close.

I often felt that I had to conjure up certain feelings to ensure that He would be real and present in my life.

In other words, I was living under Law, with terrible mind-control to boot. Such is the legacy of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Slowly but surely, I have come to see how real, how alive Daddy God is for me.

Jesus is my Savior, and I do not have to feel bad in any way, shape, or form just because my feelings go one way or another.

This bondage was incredible for me.

And because I thought His presence in my life was contigent on how I felt, I was constantly insecure about whether He heard my prayers, let alone answered them.

Today, I realize that He is real, that He is really here for me, and that He is indeed really answering my prayers.

In fact, it's an act of unbelief to pray for God to do something, when He is already on the job working for me! The prayers which New Covenant believers should pray is "God, show me what You are doing already," or "Enlighten the eyes of my heart ..." (Ephesians 1:18-20).

It's not about trying to get God to do more. It's about receiving faith to see what He is doing already!

When this revelation became deeper and manifest for me, it was easier to pray, knowing fully well that He is answering me, and that He is giving me beyond what I could ever ask or think (Ephesians 3:20).

I know longer have to worry if He is on my side. I know longer have to treat His life and presence in my walk as though it depends on how I feel.

For too long, I had a conception of God based on what my parents (wrongly) believed.

Now, I see Him for all who He is, based on His Word.

Yes, People Do Change

One constant theme in Alcoholics Anonymous is that people do not change.

Yes, they do.

In fact, people receive new information, they get a greater revelation of God's love for them, and yes they do change.

We should celebrate the fact that God's love for us, His grace working in us and through us, transforms us:

"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord." (2 Corinthians 3:18)

The Holy Spirit transforms us, and He transforms us we see more of Jesus.

And how do we see more of Him?

We see Him in the Word!

"And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself." (Luke 24:27)

On the other hand, AA tells people that they can change if they work the program. However, I can tell you countless stories of men and women who "worked the program," and it worked them to death.

They did not stop drinking.

Or, if they did stop drinking, they moved into other comfort measures, like drinking caffeined drinks, smoking, binge eating, sex, or other addictions.

For too long, we keep asking people "Why the addiction?"

We need to start asking "Why the pain? What is the pain that you are trying to resolve?"

We have focused for too long on telling people to stop engaging in harmful acts, against themselves or others.

Not once, however, have we asked people: "What are you trying to feel, what relief are you trying to seek?"

I remember what Pastor Chet Lowe shared at Calvary Chapel South Bay some time ago. He shared: "So many people want relief. Jesus wants to heal."

Yes, indeed!

Last of all, AA gives us the impression of some "god" whom we conceive of, a god who may or may not be at work in our lives. For all the talk about "turning your will and life over to a power greater than yourself," the Big Book (of Lies) spends more time telling the members of that cult what they need to be doing.

Furthermore, getting back to the issue of pain and shame and condemnation, this awful cult teaches people that if they are angry, bitter, resentful, whatever, in some ways it must be their fault. 

Granted, we are responsible for our actions. 

But the notion that it is our fault that someone else harms us? That is just plain evil.

Granted, we can exercise more wisdom in our daily interactions. We can choose better pathways, decide not to engage in certain behaviors, or interact with certain people.

But if someone robs you, that is their fault!

If someone has beaten you, abused you, or raped you: that person did YOU wrong!

There is no "what was your part in it?" nonsense.

People do evil things, yet AA wants its adherents to fall in line with the lie that "I must have had something to do with it."

Not every time! 

Yes, people can change.

Yes, the real God, the true Savior of the World, through His Son Jesus Christ, cares for us in every way.

His Holy Spirit transforms us as we see more of Him!

We do not have to do more, but rather believe and receive more from Him.

Amen!

My Parents Were Stressed Out

 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

My parents did not believe that Jesus is an active Savior.

They believed a mixture, half law and half grace.

They looked at life as a serious of challenges and hardships which would be too great for them to overcome, unless they tried harder and harder.

They also struggled with high blood pressure. Both of them did.

And now I have high blood pressure. I am taking medications for it, so that my inward parts are not ravaged by the high stress.

Still, I have not been afraid one bit to pray to Daddy God: "Please release me, relieve me, heal me of high blood pressure."

There are billions of people around the world who do not struggle with high blood pressure. They have difficult jobs. They face stressors of all kinds in their life.

Why are they any different, or any special compared to me?

There's really no reason for it.

But I do believe now I know why my parents struggled with high BP. They looked to themselves to supply all resources. They did not see Daddy God as "A God to Them."

In other words, they had no knowledge of the New Covenant.

And for anyone who needs a reminder, here you go!

"31Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, and with the house of Judah: 32Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the LORD: 33But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the LORD, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people. 34And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more." (Jeremiah 31:31-34)

There you go!

Daddy God is a GOD TO ME! Why? 

Because of Jesus, who was made sin that I might become the righteousness of God in Him (2 Corinthians 5:21).

This is the process by which people are set free. We are not supposed to figure everything out on our own.

We are not supposed to live in our heads. We are not supposed to depend on ourselves or defend ourselves.

We are called to rest in HIM!

He is our rest!

It all makes sense now, and I now understand why my parents were so stressed out, so unhappy, so unhealthy, so full of toils and troubles.

I now understand why my parents died early, too.