I was looking forward to perhaps joining with some friends, some new contacts, in a foreign country where I would have the chance to fight the pro-family fight.
I was really looking forward to this chance. I had dreamed of this opportunity, prayed about it, held it in high esteem.
Then it seemed that it was not coming to pass. I feared that it was going to slip out of my hands. I wondered if God had disappointed me in some way.
It was really strange, the sense of sadness, of soft melancholy which lingered in my sentiments. I wish that I could write about this more directly, but I just could not. I did not understand why I was sad, but I was sad.
For the next few days, I moped quietly, didn't really talk about it with anyone.
I was disappointed, and I didn't feel that I could talk to God about it. I began to question His love for me, or to question what I had been learning about Him.
Isn't that awful? But that's what kind of crept up in my flesh, in my feelings.
Another friend of mine, to whom I confided my feelings, told me that I needed to learn to be patient.
Indeed, I had been reading this incredible passage from Isaiah that same morning, which spoke about this trait, this spiritual discipline to wait on the Lord and His timing:
"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)
I had a deep yet subtle sadness inside of me, and the next morning, this morning in fact, I remembered this verse:
"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance." (Isaiah 42:5)
So, the original hope that I had was not coming to pass, or perhaps more time needs to pass before my dream comes to pass.
Then again, God's in the business of not just anwering our prayers merely.
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us" (Ephesians 3:20)
If Daddy God is not answering our prayers, or we think that He is steadily heading toward answering a prayer, and then it seems to go nowhere, our answer should not be one of fear, doubt, or a sense of disappointment or betrayal.
I was convicted of two crimes that I did not commit. Nearly nine months ago, I looked at this terrible outcome and cried relentlessly. Today, I look at this event, and I have received nothing but blessings, revelation, wonder, joy, and honor.
People may have meant it for bad, but God has done great good for me because of it.
The same holds true for the promises that I have received from Father God, or if things do not work the way that I had hoped, God is doing something better, He has something much better planned for me.
That blessed outcome has happened to me many times over. I never have to doubt that God was not honest or forthright with me. One the contrary, He has made and continues to make all things work for my good. There is no need for me to second guess or doubt Him.
Not at all!
"7Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. 9Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? 10Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" (Matthew 7:7-11)
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