I needed a new car, and I needed a steady income.
I was so frustrated. I was struggling with bills, debts, demands.
One night, I got so angry. I shouted at God: "What good is having my sins forgiven if I can't pay the rent?!"
When I had shouted like that, I paused.
I did not esteem the sacrifice. When Jesus died on the Cross, He took away all my sins, and all the sins of the world. He paid the ultimate price so that none of us will ever have to. The guilt and shame of sin is great. There is no escaping it through our efforts. Our hearts cannot rest with any kind of security as long as we continue to feel guilty about the sinful things which we have said and done.
Sunday evening, the second week of July, I was meditating on the gift of righteousness which I have received, and which I am called to keep receiving (Romans 5:17). A great joy flooded my heart.
No matter how bad things may seem around me, I can rest assured that I have been made the righteousness of God in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21). No matter what the economic circumstances may have been, no matter if I had face similar setbacks, I had neither right nor reason to condemn myself.
In fact, that is precisely what had happened. I had started condemning myself. "How is it possible that I have ended up in this situation again? I have to do this. I must face that. I have to take these steps again to get by, etc. I thought I was going to be past this!"
Then I recall what Paul had shared with the Philippians:
"I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need." (Philippians 4:12)
It takes time. We don't get used to hardship and easy-ships all the time and overnight. The struggles we overcame in the past we may face again, because Jesus wants us to see something new about Him! Paul learned how to handle all these setbacks. We learn to trust in Jesus and recognize that He is supplying all our needs according to His riches, and not out of them (Philippians 4:19).
The gift of righteousness is the foundation for all blessings.
Jesus wasn't mincing words are just idly speaking in His Sermon on the Mount:
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)
That Sunday night, after I finished church, I met with a friend. He had a job. He had a car. He had enough resources, and yet he was complaining.
For me, I rested in the truth that God has made me righteousness, and that no matter what may be happening around me, that this gift was the most important to receive ... and keep receiving.
The next day, I had a new job and I got a car. God met all of my needs!
But the most important thing was to rest in His peace. That's what mattered. I needed to esteem and recognize more deeply how great is His gift of righteousness, that through Jesus I am justified from all things! (Acts 13:38)