Struggling to Study God's Word in the Midst of Times

Here is something else that I wanted to meditate on.

I was really honored that I could go to Arizona and speak out about the Trump Movement and the opportunities to fight for what is right. It was great to see other like-minded conservatives, and to be welcomed with open arms.

Still, I felt so overwhelmed in Arizona. So many things to do and so little time to do it all. Every time that I wanted to read God's word, my head was just so overwhelmed. I could not focus. It was unusual for me. The time was so much and yet so much needed to be done.

I didn't like the fact that my head was just shaking so much, and that I couldn't sleep as well as I would have liked to.

I got to tell you, I didn't like the fact then I was just so tired.

I wish that there had been a better way to ensure that every need was met and that I was not tired. I felt so hungry for God's Word. I felt that all the bad things that were happening around me we're getting so much more attention than God's goodness and blessing in my life. How true it is that resting in God's Word is a labor, for we are called to labor to enter His rest (Hebrews 4:11).

Sometimes, it's better to pass on attending certain events, no matter how exciting and fun they will be. We simply cannot be everywhere doing everything. I have more respect for President Trump, in that he campaigned like mad across many states in the last two weeks of the 2016 campaign. It takes a lot of energy to do stuff. Man has to rest.

Something else has emerged in the midst of the times that I am going through.

A number of people who wanted to tell me all their problems. There are too many people more interested in fights, conflicts, uproars, and tumults. It has gotten easier for me to confront people kindly, calmly, yet assertively with: "I don;t want to hear it." Someone called me yesterday and wanted to complain about the Trump border rally yesterday. I told him that I was passed that event, and that I was glad that I could be there. That is all that really mattered. I'm so glad that I'm now starting to say "No!" to people. I don't want to hear people complaining anymore. I am not interested in the internecine fights.

What is it about delays, frustrations, and heartaches? God does not want us to suffer, but rather prosper and be in health, even as our souls prosper (3 John 2). One preached shared that there are many things in our flesh, or rather our propensity to depend on our flesh in key issues, which God wants to remove from us. He wants us to rest more in His grace, not our efforts.

I have noticed a few things that I want God to change in me. I don't want to try to take on so many demands on my time to accomplish things. I was interested in running for city council, but there was no way that I could. The time really wasn't there, and yet a sense of goading would rise up in me from time to time. A fear of "What will you think when looking back on skipping this event?" came over me sometimes. What had held me in bondage that compelled me to do this? There is this ongoing sense that if I don't do something, then nothing will get done.

We need to learn to rest in God's grace. He is taking care of so much in our lives. People like me just want to do, do, do. It's very hard for me to receive God's exhortation to "Rule in the midst of your enemies" (Psalm 110: 2) I want my enemies under my feet NOW! We have to wait, because we want God's goodness to be fully manifested in our lives.

As I had written, I have wanted to do so much. After coming back from Arizona, in which I flew over

I wanted to go to the Border rally and then I wanted to root for the president while he was having a fundraiser in Beverly Hills. I wanted to go to the border Rowling and then I wanted to route for the president while he was having a fundraiser in Beverly Hills. I flew in at 12 midnight, and I slept for only 4 hours, and then slept in the truck of my friend who drove me to the wall. Yes, it was fun yes it was nice to being in the media, yes it was really good to connect with new faces who were big fans of President Trump. 

But then I wanted to try to go to Beverly Hills, and the fatigue was so great that I couldn't do it. How true it is that "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:41). It all seemed possible to me when I was flying over from Arizona to LAX. What could really stop me? But the actual facts of fatigue cannot be ignored.

Something else is still not settled properly in my heart. I have seen and endured injustice in the past, and instead of trusting God to handle it or to know that he is taking me to a better place, I still want to avenge what's happened to me. He makes the promise that vengeance is His (Romans 12:19), and yet I still struggle to believe him.

My heart was troubled, but then I could just simply remember that I don't have to have the troubled heart. Jesus invited His disciples and invites me today to believe the same thing (John 14:1,27). This is the will of God that you believe on him whom the father has sent (John 6:29). I want to get better at taking all things easy and not feeling rushed when I am visiting other people in other states. There is so much opportunity to do good wherever I go, and there is no need to rush.

Last of all, one of the most important things that I could do over the weekend was to meet with Tony of Arizona and share the Word with him, and I was able to share with him specifically what I had read earlier that weekend and 2nd Samuel, Chapter 12. More events like that are coming my way, because I trust God to lead me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake (Psalm 23: 3).