Why I Lived in Fear of Doing the Wrong Thing

What was it about the upbringing that I had?

Alcoholics was treated like a normal albeit different program of living.

The more that I compare what I learned in AA with what the Bible actually teaches, the more that I realize how preeminently incompatible the AA cult is with the Word of God, and with reality.

I could not understand for the longest time why a sense of pressure, of chronic fear, a sense that I was doing something right or wrong was so pervasive in my mind.

"What if?" and "what about?" were constant questions in the back of my mind.

A sense of agitation was prevalent.

I kept thinking that I had to do some "Right thing" or "wrong thing" would happen.

And I was constantly going back and forth about trying to figure that out.

My mother, who as a Stepper Mom with a couple S, was constantly pressed on this matter.

Everything that I wanted to do, I had to find some way to make sure that it was "God's will."

She fed this chronic element of doubt in my life.

I have found that other Christians suffer from it, too.

They are constantly egged on in their minds to "pray about" certain adventures which they want to do.

Have they not read: "He works within you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." (Philippians 2: 13)

He gives us His Spirit, and His life.

We do not walk around trying to figure out what His will is.

He is already giving it to us.

His will is all about letting the grace of God fulfill us and flow through us to the rest of the world!

But again, where did this sense of desperate fatalism come from?

I could not understand where my mother had gotten that idea from.

I had to make sure all the time that I was "doing God's will", or the day would be a waste.

A sense of frustration and futility would ensue.

I wondered how to counteract this idea


Now I understand where it comes from.

That stupid AA cult.

"Practicing these principles in all our affairs."

"Thy will be done. What is your will for me, oh my master?"

I mean there is no clear guidelines about what "God's will" is according to the stupid book.

What is going on?

That third step alone is just plain stupid. "Turn your will and life over to a power as you understand him."

Huh?

Who is that, exactly?

Ultimately, it's the AA group, and the creepy two-timing old timers who think that their every fart is divine wisdom.

We have to work God's will! We have to work really hard, We have to keep one step ahead of our addictions, our illnesses and stay one step ahead of other people's problems

It's all pressure. It's all pressure. Every day there is some ethereal, unclear standard which we have to meet, and we can never figure out what it is. We have to worry about what we may think or feel. We are constantly in charge to keep everything in place.

All that garbage in the earlier parts of the book does not connect with the rest of the "program".

No.

This relentless sense of inadeuacy is not what we are called to.

It's not about tyring to figure Him out or figure out some pathway we need to follow.

He invites us to receive Himself, His life, His everything,

All the doubts go away.

It's not about us walking into an arbitrary world to figure everything out.

I am not trying to work up, but rather get to work out everything that Daddy God is working into my life.

Now it all makes sense.

As long as my mother was addicted to the AA cult, and was convinced that she had to follow these steps, and had to hew very closely to some program of action a follow some "will" of God, there would never be rest in her life.

And by extension, there was no rest in our lives, either.

No, we are not called to figure our and strain to make sense of everything in our own lives.

Oftentimes, the simplest solutions and statements are every ready in our lives, apparent to us.

He gives us grace for grace, grace for grace over and over!

He is AWESOME!

His will is not that hard--not at all

We are called to GROW IN GRACE! (2 Peter 3:18)