It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. (AA, pg 66)
First of all, the notion that hurt feelings and burning sentiments will kill us is just not true.
People live in anger for years, and they may die of cancer or other autoimmune diseases in the long run, but the notion that resentment in and of itself will kill us is just ridiculous.
"Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. 26Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27Neither give place to the devil." (Ephesians 4: 25-27)
Anger is not a sin. Staying in wrath is a sin -- and the English translation treats this difference adequately.
Still, resentment, like many unhealthy emotions, is a product of our flesh, and wrath is ultimately all about our trying to fix our feelings, or to justify ourselves because we feel wronged or slighted.
"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. " (Galatians 5: 19-21)
The solution to not walking in the flesh is not to fix the flesh, but rather to walk in the Spirit:
"16This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. 17For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would." (Galatians 5: 16-17)
How do I do that?
Paul gives the solution in Ephesians:
"And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;" (Ephesians 5: 18)
How do I do that?
Paul gave the answer earlier in His Epistle:
"That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: 18The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, 19And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power," (Ephesians 1: 17-19)
First, we need to grow in our understanding of how much God has done for us in Christ, and growing in knowledge of Him.
Then Paul shares in the third chapter:
"16That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; 17That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, 18May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; 19And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God." (Ephesians 3: 16-19)
No one had ever told me how much God loves me.
In fact, Jesus tells us perfectly:
"I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me." (John 17: 23)
God loves us as much as He loves Jesus.
John could not have written it better than in his first epistle:
"Herein is love made perfect with us, that we may have boldness
in the day of judgment; because as he is, even so are we in this world." (1 John 4: 17. American Standard Version)
This love is more than some sick sentiment, but the certainty that because of Jesus' blood shed for us, we are taken from dead in our trespasses to seated in heavenly places in Christ, with His life and all blessings with Him (Ephesians 2: 4-6)
AA teaches the following for dealing with resentment:
This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code. (AA, p 84)
AA creates a terrible bind for individuals, one in which men and women are chronically running their lives by other people. The source of these resentments is never discussed nor dealt with. How can anyone expect to live through life without any crucial understanding of the truth that sets them free?
When we rest in the knowledge of God's love for us, then we in turn can be gracious to other people:
"31Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4: 31-32)
"Forgive" more accurately means "be gracious"
How has God for Christ's sake been gracious to us?
More than we can ever know fully, and for that reason, Paul wants us to receive a growing revelation of His love for us.
When you walk and develop this immersing sense of God's love for you, you are indeed walking in the Spirit, and thus you do not fulfill the lusts of the flesh, including resentment.
To deal with resentment, remember how much God loves you, and your hatred, your upset, your frustrations will melt away.
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