I Don't Have to Think or Feel Differently or Keep Feeling a Certain Way for Him to Be Present to Me

  This is really astonishing, but very powerful and wonderful.

I know that the LORD is with me! I understand fully that He is present to me, and that there is nothing that can separate Him from me.

For the longest time, I believed these hollow lies, that I had to feel or think a certain way so that I know that God would be with me, would be present to me. That sense of loneliness, that orphan spirit was strong with me, and I would just panic like crazy if I started struggling with negative, bitter, sad, or perverse thoughts.

It was absolute madness, and it was really painful.

Thank you Jesus, that now I understand that YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE.

You never disappeared from me. You have always been present to me, with me, through me, and for me!

"What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

This is a done deal! I do not have to do something, say something, keeping thinking or feeling something in order for Him to be with me, for me, through me.

Jesus, it's not about me. It's never been about me. You have always been ready, present, available, accountable, asking for me to reach out to You to ask You to help me.

All this time, You wanted me to reach out to you!

This incredible revelation reminds me of Gillian Shen and her testimony for TrueLove.Is:

Yes, He found me! He found us! We were lost, not Him! This is amazing!

All this time, I kept thinking that I had to have a certain posture. The truth is that You have always been here, You do not go away. I do not have to think or feel differently. You are not going anywhere, and I cannot get away from You! I LOVE YOU, LORD!

"8If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

 9If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me." (Psalm 139:8-10)

I kept thinking that I had to do something. I know that I keep writing this revelation as if it means something new, but there it is. It IS something new, for me! This is a massive change for the better for me! I do not have to "come back to" Him when I sin, fall, or fail. I am not trying to keep my feelings or thoughts in check. I cannot be separated from Him!

Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Beloved Savior, for being so patient with me! Indeed:

"Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?" (Romans 2:4)

What is really cool for me, that I am really trying to appreciate, to put into words, I suppose, is that I do not have to use my mind to "hunt" for God, to feel His presence anymore. I know that He is here. I know that He is going nowhere. I know that wherever I go, He is already there. Amen!

More Internal Healing in My Mind

The bad habit of mind that I had engaged in for so long, that habit is dwindling away.

I used to work so hard to catch myself, to catch bad thoughts, to try to make them go away before they would happen, appear in my mind, or worse yet take root.

For the longest time, I was convinced that there were hardships around me, and I had to work hard, do something, feel a certain way so that those bad feelings, those senses of fear and upset would go away.

I really believed that those upsetting elements in my mind had to go away so that I could know and believe that He was with me.

Today, I am learning to reason not from my circumstances to His certainties, but from His eternal certainties to my circumstances. It does not matter how I am feeling. I do not have to counter or argue with my feelings, my thoughts to know that He is taking care of me. I do not have to agitate in mind to make these things true. Not at all.

"4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;" (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)

This is a great healing, one that reminds me of what Paul writes for all of us to undergo:

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God" (Romans 12:1-2)

I don't have to "do anything" about bad thoughts. God does not go away, not does He get angry with me and leave me. It makes no difference. It's truly a life of rest!

No wonder Pastor Prince uses the following cover for his book "Spiritual Warfare":

Set Free From Political Polarization, More Than Conquerors in Christ Jesus

 The 2020 Election results have been quite disappointing. I am not sure what to think.

At the same time, I recognize now that I have been following the up and down polarization of this race, and all the news, all the media, all the debates, the discussions, and it is making me very unhappy.

Why bother with all of this stuff?

For years, for decades, I was immersed in politics. I wanted to see "my side" win, and I would get such a buzz if my side won. If my candidates were successful, if the victory that I sought took place. Of course, down the line, I would find that winning elections is simply not enough. We see a generation of youth who think that socialism, communism, racialism is the answer to all our problems.

They are overcome with envy, sorry, victimhood. They see themselves as weak and beggarly, with no chances or opportunities in this life. How sad, indeed. Yet that is what they see for themselves. It's a great sorrow to see this.

All of this sense of lack, of loss is obliterated at the Cross!

"5Who is like unto the LORD our God, who dwelleth on high,

"6Who humbleth himself to behold the things that are in heaven, and in the earth!

"7He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth the needy out of the dunghill;

"8That he may set him with princes, even with the princes of his people.

"9He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD." (Psalm 113:5-9)

The verse about raising the poor of the dust foreshadows what Jesus did for us:

"4But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, 5Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) 6And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus" (Ephesians 2:4-6)

and

"Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world." (1 John 4:17)

Our life is about the Finish, or rather the Finished Line!

We are not supposed to reckon our lives from our hardships, and then apply God's Word, God's promises to our lives. We start with God, with everything that Christ Jesus has prepared for us, and then see all our problems melt away or face resolution.

I am not supposed to look at the evil going on in the world, and then ask "Lord, when are you going to do something about all of this?" He is already on the job, working on it! Yes!

We need to start with the promises that God has made to us, which He has enacted for us through the Work of His Son! That's our starting point. That needs to be MY starting point.

That's why Paul would write:

"Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us." (Romans 8:37)

Consider what John writes, too:

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

and

"Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." (1 John 4:4)

and also

"For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith." (1 John 5:4)

We have already won, and not just won, but we are more than conquerors through Him! Why do we pay attention to the fallout, the failures, and the failings of the world? Why do we pay any heed to the bad outcomes or the massive moral morass in our countries?

He has overcome the world! And we are more than conquerors in Him!

This is my starting point: Himself. YES!

Righteousness is Not Diminished When We Are Angry

Here's a powerful thought.

It's OK to be angry, and to be angry, or to get angry, does not diminish your rightoeusness or your right standing before God.

Jesus got angry:

"And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other." (Mark 3:5)

This verse contains the one time where Jesus is described as angry. Not even when he was turning over the tables and chasing out the merchandise of animals in the Temple do we find a record of Jesus being angry. God gets angry when people put the law ahead of grace, when people are hard and reject grace.

Paul informs us that it is OK to get angry, too:

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath" (Ephesians 4:26)

Righteousness is a gift that we receive and keep receiving from the LORD (Romans 5:17). Because it is a gift, the reception of His righteousness into our lives does not depend on how we feel. We can be mad, sad, angry, enraged, full of wrath, full of sorrow, but every time we need to know that our righteousness is not removed from us.

This is a great revelation, and this revelation should grant great authority and opportunity to everyone who sees injustice and wants to do something about it.

It's Not About Me--It's About Him, and He's Thinking About Me

 When I was in middle school, and I was trying to get a better handle on this "Christian Life" thing, I asked my mother: "Should I be thinking about God? How often should I be thinking about Him? What is supposed to be my main focus?"

This seemed like a really big demand for me.

My mother did not give a great answer, but the larger issue is that I was looking to her for answers, instead of resting and receiving comfort and power in God's Word.

Today, I realize that He is thinking about me! He is thinking about each of us!

My goodness, He was thinking of all of us, even when we did not care about Him one bit!

"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

God loved you and me, even when we did not know that He existed, or we did not care that He cared for us.

What makes anyone of us think that He stops caring about us, thinking about us, watching out for us just because we are saved? It's completely madness to think that He cares for us less, or that He starts demanding certain things from us now, when He gave His best, His Only begotten Son, when we were at our worst:

"He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?: (Romans 8:32)

We are called to live by faith, receiving from Him. God does not come or go in my life because of what I am thinking of feeling. The fulness of His life is something that I am invited to receive--and keep receiving!

"For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ." (Romans 5:17)

He is thinking about me all the time! He is watchinng out for us, and He is caring for us! It's not about me thinking about Him:

"How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!" (Psalm 139:17)

All this time, I was under such strain. I was so desperate to be a "good boy" in my mind, my thoughts, y actions. I simply had no idea how independently alive and active the LORD is. What was I thinking, that I had to create these ridiculous rules, demands, hardships for myself. Unreal!

Thank you, Jesus for setting me free. In this Year of Time and Space, you have accelerated my restoration and revelation of You, and I am freer now than I had ever been before. Thank you, JESUS!

Can't Stop Writing About New Freedom in Established Identity

 For the longest time, I was convinced that who I am was all dependent on what I was thinking. How insane is that?

If I was feeling bad, it meant that God was getting crowded out of my life, and therefore I had to do something about those bad feelings, those bad thoughts.

Yet my identity in Christ has nothing to do with what I am thinking or feeling. It has everything to do with Christ Jesus has done and is doing still for me.

I understand what it means to be at rest in Christ Jesus. His love is real, His presence is real, and His goodness for me is never-ending. I do not have to wonder if He is present and real to me, no matter what I am thinking or feeling.

For the longest time, I was so busy trying to keep my thoughts and feelings in check. I did not realize how real God is, and that my loving Father is still with me, and there is no way that He is going to leave me or go away from me just because I think or feel a certain way.

I know that I am belaboring this point, but it has been really powerful for me. I have learned to distinguish who I am apart from my thoughts and feelings. It's all about God's Word, and it's all about God's Work at the Cross.

It does not matter how I feel. All this time, I kept thinking that I had to make sure that I did not have thosed bad thoughts, those negative feelings in my head in order for God to work in me and through me. How painful, how frustrating all of that was! It was really difficult.

Today, this is not the challenge that it used to be. Why? Because God is real, present, corporal to me, all by faith. Faith is not fantasy. It is the recognition of the truth, apart from our limited five senses. Indeed, we walk by faith, not by sight.

This is a great revelation for me, and I am so grateful to the LORD JESUS for all that He has accomplished and is continuing to accomplish for me. Amen!

Lord Jesus, Thank you so much for showing me how real, how prevalent, how present You are to me! All this time, I was so busy trying to make sure that I was always thinking the right thoughts, the right feelings. My goodness, no wonder I faced such torture, such pain, such anguish.

Thank you, Jesus, for setting me free!

Can't Stop Writing About the Freedom in Righteousness

 This the Year of Time and Space.

It may have seemed that for many people, this year has been wasted.

For my part, I can tell you that all has worked for good. For my good! (Romans 8:28)

This year has allowed me to see more of Jesus, to understand how real He is.

This year, I walked out of a church that refused to stand up to the Governor's abusive, unlawful orders, and I ended up in a church which refused to be bullied, kowtowed by the lawlessness.

I am running for State Assembly, and the election season is kicking off into full swing.

Because the year pretty much grinded everything to a halt, there was so much evil the world that had to stop, as well. The natural cycles and themes of God's natural world were restored once again.

This was a time that forced people to walk by faith, in that we had to go forward one step at a time, not having the full knowledge of what could happen.

The Year of Time and Space is a year in which God brought many people in the Body of Christ to new heights, to greater revelation, to broader spaces.

This time of slow-down forced me to look into God's Word more than ever before. There were compulsive behaviors that God was able to remove from my life during this so-called pandemic. Because of the slowdown and shutdown of public gatherings, many pastors and church leaders brought their ministries online, and now they are reaching untold millions around the world with the Good News, the Gospel of Grace!

AMEN!

One of my points of greatest struggle was that I would get angry, I would get embittered very easily. I used to think that all the wrongs which people had perpetrated against me, would mean  that those harsh memories would be able to bother me any time. It was such a strain for me, and I spent so much time trying to stem and tame this struggle inside my head.

Now I understand that His righteousness rests within me, a golden offering that will never leave me, never be shaken out of me:

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us." (2 Corinthians 4:7)

And this righteousness cannot be taken away from me, even if I sin:

"For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief." (Proverbs 24:16)

The rightoeus man does sin from time to time, but he is established.

As we keep receiving the gift of righteousness, the abundance of grace, and as we keep seeing the LORD in the Word, we are transformed from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:17-18). We grow in grace and knowledge of the Lord, and His grace is all the more manifested to us (2 Peter 3:18).

The biggest change that has happened for me, though, is that I see how real, relevant, prevalent God is. I am no longer wondering if He is on my side. I know that He is for me, because I have been made the righteousess of God in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21)

The stumbling block for me was that I struggled to understand that righteousness is a gift, and that is not dependent on my actions or my feelings. I confused that issue, and then combine that with the lie that the LORD comes and goes depending on how you feel or what you think, and well, there you have the perfect recipe for confusion, pain, anguish, torture, and loss.

Thank you, Jesus, that I am free from all of this. This is indeed the Year of Time and Space. I am set free from all the wrong believing, the wrong ideas, that wrong things that I had learned. I am so grateful for the extended shutdown period which occured, because I have now learned so much more about what it means to reign in life, in Your Life!

Righteousness Has Nothing to Do With Feelings

Wow! Just plain wow!

I cannot believe this revelation has taken me this long to understand.

But hey, it just goes to show how important it is for us to believe the truth, and to be set free.

I have been the righteousness of God in Christ since the moment that I believed on Him. That was in 1994.

It was not until 2008 that I started to learn that I was made the righteousness of God in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21). This revelation came to me through Joyce Meyer and her ministry. At that time, I was facing so many dark conflicts and problems in my life. I was trying to find full-time employment as a teacher, but I had walked off of two different jobs. It seemed that all was lost, and I had no idea how I was going to pay the rent, to get through the month, etc.

Then I started to learn that I am the righteousness of God in Christ.

With righteousness came all these other blessings. Wow!

I started claiming these blessings fully in my life. "You know what my needs are, Lord," I would often say when I was facing difficulties, or when I was worried about how I was going to get through the day.

It was really something that year, that I saw the LORD taking care of every need in my life. I had a new job, I was gainfully employed. I was well-received and favored by my coworkers, colleagues, etc.

But then a sense of strain, of condemnation overtook me. I felt that I had to take care of life on my own afterwards. The question began to nag me: "What happens after this? What is next?"

There was the growing sense about me that life was all about me, and that everything was all up to me. I did not understand that Christ Jesus is my life, and that He is providing all things for me.

It's the abundance of grace with the gift of righteousness that we reign in life (Romans 5:17). God wants us to receive and keep receiving. God was not present in my life if my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors were properly aligned. It's hard to reconcile this, but I had no idea that God was actively alive in my life. It;s crazy, but it seemed to me that I was rolling the dice every day, wondering whether God was for me or not.

This bondage brought me into such despair and fatigue. I was so tired, so empty, and I ended up walking off the job. That was the third full-time teaching job that I had been working ... and I quit. I had no idea what the future held for me. I had no idea where God was taking me, or what I would have to do or say or think to be in the right place at the right time.

It was really hard for me to trust the Lord at the time. I had had no training in the grace of God, in His unmerited favor workin in my life, and more importantly that He is my life (Colossians 3:4).

Because I did not have a strong enough knowledge of God's Word, and because I did not understand how alive, vibrant, and real God is, I ended up trusting in my feelings. I ended up falling into this notion that I had to think and feel a certain way to ensure that God's presence was ... present.

This, of course, created unprecendented problems. The fiery darts of the Enemy were firing away at me, and I would get caught up in these arguments all the time. Yet what does Paul counsel to the Corinthians?

"4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)

"5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)

"Imaginations" can also be rendered "arguments." God's Word answers every argument, Yet for years, I would argue with my head constantly, convinced that I had to get all the negative thoughts and feelings out of my head so that I could hear God clearly. What madness, but it was true.

That was the life that I was living.

TODAY, I am learning that this precious gift of righteousness is a rugged, rigid, right and ready standing that is not going away.

Now I understand what the prophet Isaiah shared:

"In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee." (Isaiah 54:14)

TODAY, I am established in His righteousness. I know that nothing I am thinking, feeling, wondering, or worrying about is going to change that. I understand that I am not living this life in my own efforts anymore. Because of this perfect gift of righteousness, Christ is able to live in me and guide me. I do not have to wonder or guess whether He will be there for me or not. This life is no longer about second-guessing God, but knowing and believing in His love for me. 

This is just wonderful. This is peace. This righteousness, from Christ, to me, and it has nothing to do with my feelings.

Why He's Not Telling Me Where He Is Taking Me (Part Two)

 In the previous post, I shared that God often does not tell us where we are going, because He is more--in fact, MOST--interested in our trusting Him more.

I drew this revelation from a passage I have often studied, quoted, and shared with others: Mark 4: 35-41.

The disciples are on the sea, heading to the Gadarenes. Jesus has told them: "Let's cross over the other side." While they are rowing over, a great storm overtakes the ship, and the ship begins to take on water. The disciples, fearing the worse and fearing for their lives, wake up Jesus, was sound asleep in the bottom of the ship. He comes out and stills the storm with one word. Then shares the following:

"And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?" (Mark 4:40)

Then:

"And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" (Mark 4:41)

I have often found that phrase "they feared exceedingly" quite startling. They were afraid because of the boisterous storm and winds, plus the water pouring into the ship. But when Jesus answered, in fact OVER-answered their prayers, they were MORE afraid! How unfortunate! God always points out that passage to me, and shows that the disciples' biggest problem was not the storm, but their lack of faith.

Jesus told them where they were going! Jesus even stilled the storm for them, and yet instead of being calm, they were even more afraid. How terrible is that! God wants us know that we can trust Him, and trust Him fully. We have no reason to fear Him.

So, the first reason that God is not interested in telling us exactly where we are going? He wants us to trust Him, and telling us where we are going will not foster that trust.

There are other reasons why God does not tell us where we are going.

He wants us to depend on Him completely, not our own efforts, to get there.

Consider this wonderful type in Deuteronomy:

"When thou comest into thy neighbour's vineyard, then thou mayest eat grapes thy fill at thine own pleasure; but thou shalt not put any in thy vessel.

"When thou comest into the standing corn of thy neighbour, then thou mayest pluck the ears with thine hand; but thou shalt not move a sickle unto thy neighbour's standing corn." (Deuteronomy 23:24-25)

In this judgment, God invites the Israelites to eat as much of the grapes or the corn that they can eat there in the vineyard. They are not permitted, however, to harvest and save more for later. What's going on?

Jesus encouraged the Israelites during His earthly ministry to pray this prayer:

"Give us this day our daily bread." (Matthew 6:11)

Jesus did not say "this monthly bread" or "this yearly bread". What's going on here? Jesus needs us to see that He is our Bread, the Bread of Life (John 6:35)

God does not want us relying on our efforts. He wants us completely dependent on Himself. This has nothing to do with God being on some kind of ego trip, by the way. We were created from Him, and in Him alone we can live, move, and have our being (Acts 17:28)

Jesus is our life (Colossians 3:4), and therefore He wants us to rest in Him and receive from Him at all times. With this in mind, God does not necessarily tell us where we are going, because He wants us to let Him take us there.

Here's another example of His favor at work in our lives, if we allow Him to:

"19So when they had rowed about five and twenty or thirty furlongs, they see Jesus walking on the sea, and drawing nigh unto the ship: and they were afraid. 20But he saith unto them, It is I; be not afraid. 21Then they willingly received him into the ship: and immediately the ship was at the land whither they went." (John 6:19-21)

Again, the disciples were rowing on the sea, and they were trying to get to a specific destination. The winds were contrary to them, and for all the efforts, they were not able to get where they wanted to go. Then Jesus arrived on the sea, on the scene. He almost passed them by, but the disciples reacted to Him. He told them: "I am. Be not afraid."

Here, their response is quite different. They welcomed Him into their ship. They clearly saw Him above the winds, water, and waves, and yet He invited them to let Him into their ship.

Then check out the miracle that followed: "When they willingly received Him into their ship, they immediately got where they were going."

This is a miracle of time and space, too, and most readers miss it. They welcomed Jesus into their ship, and they right way, straightaway, no holding back got to where they were trying to get in their own efforts. In this year of Time and Space, we see that God is making up for lost time, and taking us over greater spaces in spite of outside limitations.

God showed me yet another reason why He does not necessarily tell us where He is taking us: it will take longer. If we let Him guide us, we will get where He wants us to go much quicker than if He told us where He was taking us, and we in turn relied on our efforts to get there.

And that's a tendency we have, isn't it? We know where the end point, the goal is, and we spend all of our time and energy getting to that place, arriving at that station in our lives. Yet all the while, we end up missing what, or rather Who life is about: Jesus.

And Jesus does not want us to miss out on Him:

"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." (John 10:10)

Jesus is our Life, as well as the Way and the Truth (John 14:6)

We don't need to focus on knowing where exactly He is taking us. He is most importantly in our knowing Him intimately and trusting Him fully to get us to a good place, no matter what the obstacles and difficulties which meet us along the way.

Why He's Not Telling Me Where He Is Taking Me

I just received this answer, this specific revelation this evening while eating dinner.

I was praying "Lord, where are we going? Where are you taking me?"

I heard Him respond: "You need to stop asking me that question. You are called to walk by faith, and that means that you are not going to get a specific answer as to the next specific location or vocation that I am guiding you to."

This calm rebuke was well-received from me ... finally.

Pastor Prince has shared that this year, Year 2020, is "The Year of Time and Space", and it's the year in which we allow God to take us to new heights in record time, but He will only allows us to see what is happening before us one step at a time.

He drew this direction from the LORD via the description of the side quarters next to Solomon's Temple:

"The door for the middle chamber was in the right side of the house: and they went up with winding stairs into the middle chamber, and out of the middle into the third." (1 Kings 6:8)

A winding staircase allows individuals to reach the maximum height of a building in the shortest amount of time, relying on the last amount of space. However, anyone traveling up a winding staircase can only see one step ahead of himself at a time. He is not going to have the complete, long view in front of him as he ascends the staircase.

So too, God is showing me that the next step of my life, of my walk with the LORD is not going to be clearly outlined for me in the long term. Besides, He has shown me that God is not interested in us knowing where we are going, but trusting Him who has pledged to get us there safely, in peace and prosperity. This revelation had become manifest to me when I was meditating on Mark 4. Jesus told His disciples that they were going to cross over to the other side of the sea. Then the winds grew strong and boisterous, and a great storm overtook the sea, enough that their ship started taking on water. The disciples panicked, shouted at Jesus, who was sound asleep at the time: "Master, don't you care that we are perishing?" (Mark 4: 38)

Jesus woke up, stilled the storm with one word, then rebuked His disciples. Instead of resting in calm gratitude, they were more afraid. 

God showed me that we need to know more than where we are going. We need to know, believe, trust in Him who is guiding us. In fact, knowing where we are headed is incidental, not essential, to our walk on this earth.

Consider Micah's exhortation:

"He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" (Micah 6:8)

Consider also Abraham's example, as recorded for us in the Book of Hebrews:

"By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went." (Hebrews 11:8)

Most importantly, consider the question posed by the apostle Thomas , and how Jesus answered him:

"5Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way? 6Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." (John 14:5-6)

Wherever we are headed, whatever may happen along the way, Jesus is the Way. We need to know Him. We need to know that He has us covered, from beginning to end, and that at the end of the journey, He will bring us to great blessing:

"4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over." (Psalm 23:4-5)

and

"He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me." (Psalm 18:19)

I thank you, Jesus, that You have helped me to grow to trust You, to know that I do not have to know where I am headed, since where You are taking me, I know that it will be a grand and glorious place, in which I will prosper and be in health (3 John 2).

More Revelations About the Gift of Righteousness

 I have been reading, writing, meditating on the Gift of Righteousness and the Abundance of Grace (Romans 5:17)

Above all, I must not neglect the truth that Christ is my righteousness (1 Corinthians 1:30), and that in Christ I have been made the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21)

This gift of righteousness is not dependent on how I feel, what I think, what is going through my mind.

It is a static, essential reality of who I am. It is my new identity. I am the righteousness of God in Christ!

This revelation is so simple, so commonplace, and yet for the longest time I was wrestling with bad thoughts, hard feelings, upsetting situations from my life. Harsh but true, I had been treating righteousness as something that had to be felt, to be held onto in my mind.

I did not realize that it is all about resting in His Finished Work now, since He has indeed finished the work:

"Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses." (1 Timothy 6:12)

This faith is all about our righteousness before God in Christ, because of the work which Christ Jesus acconplished at the Cross.

"Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief." (Hebrews 4:11)

We rest from our works, in that we are not trying to do something to earn or maintain our righteousness before God. Christ is our righteosness, not we ourselves.

Yet, for so many years, since 2008, when I started learning that I am the righteousness of God in Christ (thank you, Joyce Meyer!), I was trapped in my mind, with my feelings. I was constantly convinced that I had to make sure that I was not feeling bad or fearful. Also, I was confused, and I struggled to understand how I was still righteous even when I sinned. That created so much confusion and ultimately bondage in my life.

Righteousness is my true and unchanging location. I cannot be removed from this status of righteousness. My feelings do not make God go away, and my righteousness cannot suddenly be removed just because of how I feel or what I think.

All the bad memories, bad thoughts, fiery darts have no effect on me now. This is just incredible!

This verse makes all the more sense to me know than before:

"4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;" (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)

What is the obedience of Christ?

"For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous." (Romans 5:19)

Where did I find that I was facing so many struggles? Righteousness is not based on my actions at all, or on my feelings, for that matter. All of that is irrelevant. I am righteous because of what Christ Jesus has done at the Cross, and what He is still doing at the right hand of our Father in heaven.

I may fail, fall, stumble, or sin during my walk on this earth, but ...

"For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again:" (Proverbs 24:16)

The other thing that I did not understand was "How do I live this life?"

But I am not living this life!

"20I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. 21I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." (Galatians 2:20-21)

God is alive. He is my life. He is not some figment of my imagination. He does not come or go just because I feel bad or get angry. He does not leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).

This gift of righteousness is something that my loving Father invites me to receive--and to keep receiving--because of His Beloved Son JESUS!

There is not one thing in this world that can separate me from Him, and there is nothing that can negate or undermine my righteous standing in Christ Jesus! AMEN!

We Do Not Goad Ourselves, He Causes Us to Grow and Go in His Love

 I am learning so much  about the truth of all that Christ Jesus is ... and is doing.

So many Christians think that we need to "goad ourselves" to achieve our goals, or to live this life.

I was one of them, and I was taugh to live this way.

Jesus was not mincing words or simply saying something nice when He declared:

"I am the way, the truth, and the life." (John 14:6)

Jesus is our life.

He is living in us and through us.

He propels us, and He guides us, by the power of His Holy Spirit:

"Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come." (John 16:13)

For the longest time, though, many of us still feel goaded by the law, by commandments, by condemnation!

Yet we are not called to be motivated by force, law, pressure, shame, condemnation.

We are called to walk in love:

"1Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; 2And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour." (Ephesians 5:1-2)

God wants us motivated by His LOVE, not by His Love. God our Loving Father does not want to goad us with the law, but He wants us to grow and go in His Love:

"We love because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19)

What has changed for me, and has helped me to grow and go in His Love is the ever-increasing revelation that His love is a rich and present, never-ending, always-flowing constant!

His presence, His pre-eminence in my life does not go away just because I am feeling bad, or have bad thoughts, or even when I do bad things.

For the last two weeks, I have felt a great and growing freedom in my life. I am not supposed to answer, contend, fight with every bad thought that goes through my mind. Those thoughts are not even my thoughts, but rather the fiery darts of the Enemy. They come from the outside, so I should not internalize them inside. Why should I take offense or responsibility for thoughts that are not mine.

But then I still have some lingering premonitions of past wrongs, and I knew that those thoughts were not mine, but the fiery dart sting would still linger sometimes. 

I then learned that bad thoughts have no place in my mind, at all. I do not have to entertain them. Paul exhorts us to think on things lovely (Philippians 4:8)

But now something more has been revealed to me this morning. For practical reasons, I would allow myself to fall into condemnation, to allow bad thoughts and senses of guilt and shame to goad me. Why? Because I felt that that sense of shame, guilt, and condemnation were the only ones that I would be motivated to get anything done!

Kind of like in this allegory which Paul shared to the Galatians:

"23But before faith came, we were kept under the law, shut up unto the faith which should afterwards be revealed. 24Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith. 25But after that faith is come, we are no longer under a schoolmaster." (Galatians 3:23-25)

The term "schoolmaster" refers to an older tutor who would walk with the students to get to class. However, he was not just some companion, but was in fact quite rough and would deal harshly with children to ensure that they stayed on track to get to class. 

Sadly, so many people in the body of Christ that that kind of rough treatment is precisely what is needed. Why did I believe this? Why did my parents believe this? Because they did not see the vibrant, flowing, never-ending, ever-enriching love of God flowing in and around them. 

Today, I recognize that I was goading myself with shame because I felt that I needed those "reminders" to stay alert and watch out for myself. Today, I understand the fullness of walking by faith, which means that I see Him taking care of me every step of the way, every day! 

THANK YOU, JESUS!

Chang Tou Chen, TrueLove.Is, And the Source of Same-Sex Temptation

Chang Tou Chen shared an incredible testimony for TrueLove.Is. Click on this link to view the video.

He mentions at the outset "I had a great childhood. I didn't suffer any physical or sexual abuse, but I noticed at age 7 that I was curious about guys."

Then he shares that he was looking a picture of a bare-chested male, and he ejaculated. He sensed that this reaction was abnormal, but he did not understand why he reacted the way that he did, and why his curiosity about males grew rather than receded.

If he did not suffer abuse, why was he drawn to males? Why did he engage in so much sexual profligacy with other males for decades?

I asked God for an answer to this question, since it's important for individuals to understand that same-sex temptations are born from something broken, deviant, or dysfunctional in our thinking and believing.

I found the answer when I listened to his podcast discussion on "Yah Lah, But ..." with Pastor Ng

Tou Chen (who now goes by the name David) acknowledged toward the end of the interview that he was very bitter toward his mother. Wow! 

Bitterness is a very serious problem, and it produces sexual perversion.

The writer of Hebrews shares:

"14Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: 15Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; 16Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright." (Hebrews 12: 14-16)

First, we are invited to follow peace with all men. Second, the writer exhorts us to pay close attention, to ensure that we do not fail, or come short of (fall from) the grace of God, i.e. that we stop living a life depending on God for everything, and start living a life in which we trust and depend on our own efforts and planning.

When people fall from grace, a "root of bitterness" springs up, it troubles us, and we become defiled, dirty, and thus we become sexually perverted ("fornicators").

People will start to fall into sexual perversion, whether homosexual or heterosexual, when they fall from grace and start depending on their efforts. How does this engender bitterness, though?

What is bitterness? That sense of hurt and anger which results when we see ourselves trying in our might, trying our hardest to accomplish certain goals and obtain desired outcomes, and those efforts come to naught; whereas in contrast, we notice people who are not trying nearly as hard, and yet the obtain everything that we want, and more.

We become bitter towards others when we are trying to obtain their favor with our efforts, and yet they still do not seem to love us or provide for us what we want. This example reminds me of what Tou Chen possibly went through himself.

Hence, he got physically attracted and attached to other males. I do not know the whole story, but I would imagine that she was abusive or very demanding of her son, and that caused him to feel deep bitterness. Who knows, but that issue of bitterness is very serious, and it induces sexual perversion of many kinds. Notice also that falling from grace causes a "root" of bitterness, which indicates that the causes for sexually profligate behaviors is much deeper than many people often recognize or realize. The fact that the causes for same-sex desire are not apparent helps explain why many people just resign themselves to those same-sex temptations and declare "I guess I was born this way."

This issue of bitterness also manifested with Raphael Zhang. He candidly shared in his very personal tesimony that he was very bitter toward his father. His mentor, Jason, encouraged him to see things from his father's perspective as a means to overcome that bitterness. Still, the point remains: bitterness induces sexual temptations and perverse behavior. I also recall Karen Lee's testimony, in which she declares at the outset, following the sexual abuse she suffered from a stranger: "Why didn't God help me? Why wasn't my Dad there to protect me?" That sense of upset produces bitterness, too.

Hopefully, revelations like this will help more people to "Come Out, Come Home", that they do not have to feel any sense of shame or self-condemnation because they struggle with these issues. In fact, by having a clearer diagnosis for what is ailing individuals struggling with same-sex temptations, they can receive the blessed antitode: "Let us have grace" from God through Christ Jesus (Hebrews 12:28).

The Lord is My Shepherd, I Shall Not Want or Fear

For the last couple of days, I have been reflecting on how all the negative thoughts, feelings, emotions, and premonitions which overran my mind were not really mine. For decades, I have believed that I had to respond to every negative thought, every perverse persuasion which told me that I had to respond to those thoughts, those feelings.

I could not give myself the rest, the permisssion to ignore those noisy, painful thoughts and feelings.

Today, I recognize the great freedom which God has already granted me, and today I can walk in the freedom, the newness of His Spirit.

I do not have to fight with every negative thought or feeling strays across my mind. Every "what if" and "what about" is not my problem, and does not originate with me. They are fiery darts, but they have neither effect nor impact on my life.

One of the biggest battles that I often faced in my life was the shame and recrimination I often endured from others, whether I was a kid on the playground, an employee in a work setting, or an activist in the field.

It seemed to me that people were getting away with the great evil that they had perpetrated against me. Yet that assumption was rather a lie from the Enemy, a set of negative thoughts that were assaulting me.

All this time,

I took this unkind assumptions for real, as though I had to respond to them, to own them as my own.

Over the last two days, I have learned more and more that I do not have to heed the negatives in my mind.

One of the biggest negatives, one of the most salient, or rather vociferous fiery darts was "Why didn't God help you?" and "Where is your God?" and "You know that you have to take care of yourself, because God did not take care of you ..."

That is a very trying, demanding, painful set of lies. It is quite pernicious.

Only recently have I begun to learn how present, how available, how committed He is -- He has been! -- to caring for me, to watching out for me.

I started meditating on this verse again:

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." (Psalm 23:1)

The Lord is my shepherd. He is dedicated to watching out for me. He is not out to get me. He is not out to play me out or to take advantage of me for the worse. He is on my side. He is for me, not against me (Romans 8:31).

I don't have to fight with those lies, either. Just because there are bad circumstances does not mean that God is not watching out for me, or that God has not been protecting me.

It is a lie that God is not taking care of me. In fact, I accept what many good preachers point out, which is that God is severly UNDER-praised. He protects us so much throughout the day. 

He has safeguarded us from so many happenstances. We just don't realize it.

How important it is for all of us to walk by faith, not by sight.

Indeed, the LORD is my Shepherd. I shall not want -- nor shall I fear!

This is not a joke. This is not a game. He is watching out for us. He cares for us. He is not on subtle or lazy stand-by. He is here for us every step of the way, and we do not have to give heed to the lies or deceitful distractions of the Enemy!

AMEN!

The Debate In My Mind Has Ended for Good

 "Behold, ye fast for strife and debate, and to smite with the fist of wickedness: ye shall not fast as ye do this day, to make your voice to be heard on high." (Isaiah 58:4)

God does not want us to engage in endless debate, endless contention with others.

But what happens when you fall into endless debate with ... yourself?

That had been my lot for many years. It is amazing yet true, and I cannot back away from admitting it.

There was a war that was waging in my head for a long time. I would have these terrible thoughts, these recriminations of times past, of times to come, premonitions of what may happen, or what will happen in the future.

I had no rest in my mind. None whatsoever. I was convinced that I had to keep a lid on whatever was going on in my head, through my head, all the time.

This need to answer every threat, every bad word, every bad thought, I felt compelled to respond to it, as though it was true because I was thinking it. Unreal.

Today, I am set free. God did not call for us to debate, to argue, not with others, and not with ourselves, over endlessly resolved matters.

"But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes." (2 Timothy 2:23)

For the longest time, I was convinced that I had to quash every bad thought, that every thought had to be removed or in line with God and His goodness, or for some reason I would be lost, make a mistake, sin, or fall into a bad line of behavior.

For the longest time, this passage and its full blessings seemed to allude me:

"4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;" (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)

God's Word is the answer. God's promises stand, regardless of what I am thinking of feeling. For the longest time, I used to think that the bad thoughts, the bad feelings had to be tamed in order for what God had promised to come true.

It's insane, yet oh so true.

I treated those terrible thoughts which welled in my head as if they were my own!

They were the fiery darts of the enemy! They were never my thoughts to begin with! None of them were! 

"Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked." (Ephesians 6:16)

All this time, I believed that I had to "do something" about those fiery darts. I did not realize that the shield of faith is as basic as recognizing that God is alive, God is real, and God is ever-present with me, regardless of how I feel.

All this time, I would condemn myself for having these thoughts, as thought they originated in me, or in my mind. I now recognize that they are lies, they are frauds, they are false evidences appearing real (FEAR), and therefore I ignore them entirely. I do not worry about what they may do, or whether they may appear in my mind.

There is no need for me to debate with the bad thoughts that I am thinking or feeling. God is my Father, I now live because of His Son, and His Spirit lives and flows through me. Because I recognize the concrete reality of His presence, I do not have to fear the feelings I may feel or the thoughts which may pierce my mind. There is no need to debate, there is no need to fight; therefore, I can enter into His rest (Hebrews 4:11)

My Mind Is Now at Rest -- He Places My Mind at Rest

 "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." (Isaiah 26:3)

I understand the full import of this verse now.

For the longest time, my mind was constantly racing, constantly churning.

For the longest time, I thought that I had to think about God constantly, when really He was thinking about me, and that's what really matters:

"But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage?" (Galatians 4:9)

All this time, I was so busy in my mind. I really believed that I had to jump-start my day by getting busy thinking about everything.

For the longest time, I did not realize that I did not have to "conjure up" the Lord. I was so busy trying to plan, think, commit, plot, conspire to figure everything out. I really believed that everything in this life was my responsibility.

If I was caught off guard or if I did something wrong, I would fault myself so greatly, and then I would resolve to try harder not to fail next time.

What I have learned now, is that I am not trying to live this life. This life is not my life, but His life in me:

"Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also." (John 14:19)

And

"20I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. 21I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." (Philippians 2:20-21)

For too many people, this revelation makes little sense. They do not really believe that Christ Jesus is our life. They believe that this life is a life that they must generate on their own. Yet that is not the case at all.

Indeed, we are called to a life of rest, so that He may work through us, that He may live in us:

"9In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him." (1 John 4:9)

We live through Him, not our efforts. He lives in us, not alongside us while we try to figure everything out on our own.

Consider the fullness of the New Covenant:

"10For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:

11And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.

12For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (Hebrews 8:10-12)

All our sins are forgiven, paid for, put aside forever. We can rest assured that He is our God, that He is for us, not against us (Romans 8:31).

He is alive! He does not come and go depending on how we feel. Whatever we are thinking or feeling, that is not going to prevent Him from manifesting in our lives, blessings us, favoring us, even when we do not deserve it.

Now I understand the fullness of the Gospel of Grace!

"10Of which salvation the prophets have inquired and searched diligently, who prophesied of the grace that should come unto you:" (1 Peter 1:10)

and

"I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel:" (Galatians 1:6)

My mind is at rest. I do not have to work. He is working. I just get to receive all that He is doing.

Thank you Jesus! You have placed my mind at rest!

"28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

Revelation from Sermon "Power To Receive | Pastor Darren Sim | NCC Leaders & Servers Meeting (8 Sep 2020)"

 Pastor Prince and Pastors Darren Sim of New Creation Church (Singapore) shared a powerful sermon about receiving greater revelation from the Word, and how leaders are formed, how pastors are able to better lead their congregations.

There were a couple of points which I wanted to expand upon in the sermon.

The first theme that stood out for me in the sermon touched on the issue of familiarity vs. humility. Do we get so used to church and church people, that we stop learning? Do we get so accustomed to what we know that we become self-satisfied, puffed up, and ultimately useless in the grand design of ministry and missions?

Here's the slide which Pastor Darren shared with the audience:

Pastor Darren then brought up a great question: "How do you teach humility? How do you teach "teachability""?

Indeed, this is a very probing question. We want people who want to know more, learn more, be willing to grow more. Yet what seems to happen in many church circles, especially in church leadership, is that people get satisfied with themselves, so it seems. They get stuck in a rut of self-effort, or self-congratulation. The teaching, the leadership, the ministry become stagnant, and the church then atrophies, dies.

What is the solution? How do we ensure that leadereship does not fall into this trap of turning stagnant and lifeless?

When I was meditating on this passage, when I was pondering this deep concern, I remembered previous questions and concerns which I had faced when I was younger. "What if I go astray? What if I find myself doing the wrong things, or end up in the wrong places for whatever reason?"

These kinds of questions assaulted my mind, gave me great pause, insecurity. All of this came from my mother, who was determined to control what I thought, what I did, who I lived my life.

Since then, what I have learned is that Christ Jesus is so intimate with me, that I cannot be separated from Him, and that is the truth, regardless of my thoughts and feelings, regardless of my actions for good or for bad.

"38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

Like Paul, I had to be persuaded that nothing would or could separate me from the love of God. For a long time, I was in bondage to the lie that what I was thinking, what I was feeling, or what I would be doing could separate me from the love of God. How foolish I was, but in large part I struggled with this problem because I did not know how to rightly divide the Word of Truth (2 Timothy 2:15)

Today, I know and believe that Christ Jesus will not leave me nor forsake me. That is a promise (Hebrews 13:5)

Jesus is my life (Colossians 3:4), and we are one with Him (John 17:21-23). We need to disabuse ourselves of this strange notion that Jesus is not actively involved and infused in our lives. In fact, the greater revelation that He is our life and that He is living in us--that is precisely how we grow in grace (2 Peter 3:18)

So, how do teach people to be humble? The truth is, humility is something that is caught rather than taught. The more that we hear about Jesus, the more that we understand the fullness of the Finished Work that He accomplished at the Cross, and the more that we undestand that apart from Him, we can do nothing (John 15:5), the greater our humility.

Humility, at its core, comes down to "I cannot. He can."

How do we get to this place? This status, this revelation cannot come about by teaching it as a matter of knowledge. Each of us comes to this recognition, this revelation based on our walk with God. We face trials and hardships which we are unable to overcome in our efforts. We struggle with internal battles and external foes, and we grouse and cry out to God for help. The truth is that we need more than God's help. We need to rest, to stop our striving, and let God work in us:

"13For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13)

So, how do we "teach" humility? We preach Jesus, and we underscore the Biblical truth and divine fact that we were dead in our trespasses (Ephesians 2:1-4), then brought to life in Christ Jesus. This is not a life that we live in our strength. The Christian life is Christ is in me, and I let Him live. The more that understand how consummate and complete His supply is for our walk in this world, the greater our humility.

Hence:

"Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble." (1 Peter 5:5)

And this verse draws us back to the points which Pastor Darren shared with this audience!

What I Finally Realized About Sihol (and Other Ex-Gays)

 Last year, I finally connected with Sihol Situmorang.

He gave a compelling testimony as part of the TrueLove.Is ministry. I was so impressed with what he shared, and it was very moving.

I found him to be very attractive, too, and so I really wanted to reach out to him. 

I found his website, and I was able to contact him. He contacted me back! I was really surprised, and he was willing for me to connect with him, too!

We spoke a few times by phone. The second time that I called him, he reproached me, and out of nowhere:

"I need to remind you, that the most important thing is to preach the Gospel." I corrected him, poiniting out that God's greatest will and wish for us is "Beloved, I wish that you prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers." (3 John 2)

When all of that is taken care of, we cannot help but preach the Good News, and witness Christ Jesus work through us to save others! Sihol shot back, pointing out the Great Commission statement at the end of the Gospel of Matthew:

"Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:" (Matthew 28:19)

Sihol contended that this is the most important calling, since Jesus said it before He ascended.

I asked God for wisdom to respond to this, and He showed me:

"12I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now. 13Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come." (John 16:12-13)

Jesus had many things to share with us, beyond what He had shared on the mountain before He ascended. Sihol was wrong. I found him to be very work-centered, and Christians who are work-centered, in their flesh, tend to reproach and judge others.

I was really offended by that. Why was he talking to me this way? Why was he talking down to me like this?

Then I told him that I support President Trump, and he shamed me: "Well, President Trump is not the Messiah."

I know that. I knew that. There is nothing wrong with supporting elected officials who are bringly godly, Christ-like restoration to our countries.

"When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn." (Proverbs 29:2)

The more that I have learned and seen about Sihol, I see him as someone with a love of pre-eminence (3 John 9). He feels compelled to tell others how to live their lives. He feels the need to instruct others, but is he allowing the grace of God to instruct him? (Titus 2:11-12).

I was confused and very disappointed. I was hoping to connect with someone who would understand how I felt, what I was going through, and all the rest. I was really confused. I was not sure what was going on, and how to reconcile his beautiful testimony with his unjustly provocative behavior.

Of course, one of the things that I had to learn was not to have unfounded expectations of others. Furthemore, I had to recognize that everyone is on a different journey, learning different things, getting free of different troubles and hardships.

Since then, I have learned further that Sihol was still under law to some degree. He thinks that he has to work for God, rather than God working in and through Him. We serve others because God first served us. We make a difference in other people's lives because Christ Jesus made the ultimate difference in our own lives. In fact, we have life because of Jesus. He gave us Himself!

In his autobiography "Not the Same Love", what I discovered was someone who was still trying to do stuff for God. That's not God's best. God's best is that we rest in Him, and He works in us. The most glaring proof of this problem became apparent to me when I read Sihol's take on Luke 14, specifically verse 26:

"If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26)

Jesus placed this ultimatum on crowds of people who saw Jesus as a pattern to follow, or as a celebrity to enjoy from a distance. They did not see Jesus as He is: Savior.

In contrast to this revelation, Sihol actually suggested that we need to love God, love Jesus enough, that our love for our friends, family, and fellow man appears as hatred. This is wrong. This is all wrong. In fact, we cannot love God so completely, so fully. I am sorry, but I must admit for myself that I cannot love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.

So, Jesus loved God the Father with all of His heart, mind, soul, and strength. Jesus fulfilled the law for us:

"Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil." (Matthew 5:17)

Jesus fulfilled the law. Today, we are free from the law:

"For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death." (Romans 8:2)

and

"For I through the law am dead to the law, that I might live unto God." (Galatians 2:19)

Sihol had been provoking me in the past, and he still did when I spoke with him recently. He gets upset when I make a point about something: "Well, of course!" I started to have a bad sense about him when I would talk to him.

Then I realized: Hey, you don't have to talk to him anymore if you don't want to. Just because he is not pleasant to interact with now does not mean that his testimony is any less valuable. And that gave me peace.

But this long-standing interaction here and there revealed something deeper for me. Just because individuals break out of the gay lifestyle does not mean that they are walking in the Spirit, or that they have fully entered into His rest (Hebrews 4:3). In too many cases, people neck-deep in sin, the knowledge of evil, swing into the knowledge of good, but they do not have life.

Or rather, they do not alive the life of Christ Jesus to flow through them. It's very sad, very troubling. But at least it makes sense when some of these ex-gays become unpleasant to deal with. I am glad that I could take the time to write about this. For a long time, I was very unhappy that I was treated so rudely. I was really hoping that I had found a community of people who understood what I was going through, and therefore I could safely talk with them and share with them my struggles.

I now realize, by the grace of God, that it's all about the grace of God. What has made the greatest difference for me regarding the testimonies from TrueLove.Is is that I am no longer ashamed. Yes, indeed, people can talk about the internal struggles and temptations, and they do not have to be ashamed anymore. As Jason Yolt shares at the end of his testimony: "God has set me free from shame and self-condemnation." When we are set free, when we recognize that there is no condemnation for us in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) indeed the power of sin has ... no more power! AMEN!

Final Reflection

I am at peace now at this stage of my life. After listening to two sections of "Choices Ministries" from Singapore, I realize that I am pretty much bored, put out about all this fuss and focus on same-sex attraction, same-sex temptation, same-sex behaviors, etc.

On top of all this, I must add that I do not accept this notion of "micro-minority" to reference Christians who struggle with same-sex attraction. In fact, the Christian life is not about struggling, but about resting in Him. If there is a struggle, it is a struggle to rest more and more in the grace of God.

"Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief." (Hebrews 4:11)

I find this to be a considerable problem in the Body of Christ, and it plagues some of the men and women who have abandoned the homosexual lifestyle. They still think that they have to serve God in some fashion. They still think that they have to do for God, when it is God who richly supplies us all things, and that He works within us both to will and to do for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13).

I must extend my criticism to the identity issue. Again, I do not accept the argument that homosexuals, bisexuals, asexuals, pansexuals, etc. somehow compose a "sexual minority." These are destructive behaviors. but they are not static identities in any way, shape, or form. We should stop treating them as identities, but recognize that they are manifestations of sin, that man is dead in his trespasses, but that Christ Jesus has made us alive and that God the Father has seated us in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.

Amen!

Christ is the Core, Center, and Aim of All Scripture, of Everything

 The Bible is not an instruction manual on how to live.

The Bible is a Book which reveals a person, The Person: Jesus Christ!

It's about Himself. It's not about us. It's about who He is and all that He is doing.

It's not a guide on how to life. It's a guide which reveals Life Himself.

This is important. This is an essential revelation. We cannot deviate from this revelation.

Scripture is about Jesus, and Jesus is our life.

As long as we keep looking at the different passages of Scripture as opportunities on how we should live our own lives, we will find ourselves failing.

We cannot live this life on our own. We need Christ Jesus to be our life. He is our life. This is not a joke. This is not a game!

Everlasting Righteousness, and Rest for My Mind

This is an incredible revelation all the more.

So much so, that I have to write about it in this fashion.

I never understood how important, how worthwhile, how essential is the gift of righteousness, but now more than ever I sense its power within me.

Thank you, Jesus, for being my righteousness!

For the longest time, I believed that what I was thinking, what I was feeling, all of that would knock me off that place of rest, that place of peace, that stance of righteousness.

Despite all the times that I heard Pastor Prince explain to me "Don't fight or struggle against bad thoughts. Replace bad thoughts with good thoughts," I was still struggling with those bad thoughts. Lustful thoughts, bitter thoughts, angry thoughts, whatever thoughts that were coming to mind.

My head would get very stiff, tight, upset. I was trying to block or stop those thoughts. It's amazing how much these habits become ingrained in our bodies. It really takes time to be set free. Grace takes time, but it is so worth it!

I am now realizing that bad thoughts, bad ideas, disgusting fantasies, disturbing intimations cannot knock me off my rest in Christ Jesus, the righteousness that I have been made in Christ Jesus!

My righteousness cannot be unmade! No matter what is going on around me, no matter how I may feel, or the upsets, the concerns, the heartaches around me, I will shout as Habakkuk the prophet:

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation." (Habakkuk 3:18)

The wicked may surround me (Habakkuk 1:4), but the righteous by faith live! (Habakkuk 1:4)

The very word "Habakkuk" speaks of God's loving embrace! He embraces me, even in the midst of these hard, tough, harsh times, and whatever hard, tough, harsh thoughts I may be thinking or wrestling with.

The most negative, embarassing, hurtful events that have happened to me cannot take away my standing, my righteousness in Christ. This is incredible!

What's more, I used to fear allowing myself to be spared from the sense of shame and guilt following wrongdoing. Yet the Bible is very clear: "The goodness of God leads to repentance" (Romans 2:4). People have this crazy idea that telling people that they are righteous, apart from works, apart from their efforts, will lead them to go crazy with sin.

It's not grace that does that. It's the desire to be free from bondage, it's the need to break away from stultifying restriction on self. Once we receive and keep receiving the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness, we reign in His life (Romans 5:17). Sin does not have dominion over us anymore!(Romans 6:14)

Righteousness is a gift. It does not matter what follows or does not follow. Two + Two = Four even if some people cannot add properly, or they mistake the sum of two parts, or if they are deliberately trying to cheat. It's a divine, accomplished fact that through Christ Jesus, we are made the righteousness of God in Him (2 Corinthians 5:21)

I no longer have to fear what is going through my mind, or what may go through my mind from day to day. This life is no longer a life of trying to catch my bad thoughts before they happen. I do not have to wonder or hope that I do not have bad thoughts as I go through from day to day.

This is the everlasting righteousness that Daniel prophesied (Daniel 9:24)