Why did I end up in AA? Why did I end up going to meetings as long as I did?
It started with my return from college. I had just graduated with my BA, and not much else. Boy did I have attitude problems.
I lost my job.
I lost my job at a department store, where I was working over the winter holidays.
It was a seasonal job, and I hated it.
It was a terrible job. I had just returned from four years of college, and all that I had to show for it was the BA, but little else. I needed to get to work, apparently, but I had no leading, no direction in my life.
I had this terrible penchant of walking out of every job that I had ever had. I had no skill for tolerating conflict. For so long, I was convinced that life and all that was in life revolved around me. I had never realized it, nor how pernicious and dangerous it can become.
The last job that I had, I walked off the job because I was taken advantage of. It was at a gas station, and they made me train for free. No pay. The station was disorganized, the staff were rude, and the people who frequented the place were quite unhelpful but unkind.
It was a stuffy gas station job in my home city. I ended up walking off the job, I ended up giving up on the job because of confusing, mixed messages from my two parents, two people who were drifting further and further apart in their lives, and using my life as a battleground of their divergent wills.
I never realized how damaging a fraught marriage could be. I witnessed it, I endured it, and it caused more problems for me in the long run.
I walked off than job after one month, and now more than ever I was filled with fear about every subsequent job, that the employees and the employer were taking advantage of me. I would make sure to withstand anyone to their face, catch people taking advantage of me before they did anything wrong.
I had no capacity to judge anything. For too long, someone else had been making all the decisions in my life. I was often afraid of doing the right thing or the wrong thing.
I stormed off of one job after another from that point on.
When I graduated from college, I was back at home, and fearful about stepping out into the world. I walked off one job after two weeks, then I took the seasonal job for a little over one month.
Then I was laid off.
I was back home, cleaning up house, taking care of chores, when my mother began berating me for all kinds of terrible things. She then threatened to kick me out of the house if I did not go to AA meetings, to learn humility.
She was under the wicked delusion that I had lost my job because I was a bad worker, that I had done something wrong. I was laid off, simple as that. There were no hours for me to keep the job into the next year.
Shame on those people. I see now more than ever where the insecurity of most people comes from. A sense of disastrous abandonment had worked over me too much of the time.
My mother forced me to go to meetings because I had a "humility" problem, as if it was my pride which caused me to lose my job. Throughout the previous month, I was frustrated and angry because of the crude and unpleasant treatment which I had endured because of the workplace staff and the unmanageable conditions which I had faced. No matter how unpleasant and hurt I felt, my parents did nothing about it. They did not care one wit. They never taught me anything about this New Covenant.
To top if off, my other mother told me to go to AA, which simply made things worse.
I was sent to AA under false pretenses, as if I was doing something wrong to have lost a job, and thus I had issues that needed to be resolved.
The truth is, my mother lied to me at length, micromanaging my life and telling me what to do, how to live.
I did not need steps to learn how to live. I needed life, and that more abundantly, which I have in Christ Jesus, not in AA, not in what my parents tell me, and certainly not in myself.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
AA = Will Worship
"20Wherefore if ye
be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in
the world, are ye subject to ordinances, 21(Touch not; taste
not; handle not; 22Which all are to
perish with the using;) after the commandments and doctrines of men? 23Which things have
indeed a shew of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the
body; not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh." (Colossians 2: 20-23)
AA promotes nothing but will-worship.
No matter how times the "Big Book" tells people that this is a program to get rid of self, the meetings were filled with people who talked about the number of years that they had stayed sober.
I still remember one older lady who had gone for a ride in a fancy limosine, when she was offered a drink.
"I was this close to drinking again. It's easier than one might think."
Whereupon she shared at length how she had avoided that drink.
She had avoided it.
No matter how many times the writer in the book mentions "the Spirit" and the ease with which people stay sober, one thing that had struck me many times in meetings is that most members were living life as if it were an endurance contest.
The Twelve Steps does not give a man life, nor does the program offer redemption unhindered. The need for full absolution cannot be found in working steps.
In fact, it cannot be a work at all.
Mankind is born dead in his trespasses. He needs something more, something which he cannot be, have, or make on his own.
"Not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh."
Our flesh must be crucified, and we receive this death through the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ:
"20I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. 21I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." (Galatians 2: 20-21)
For the believer, your flesh has already been crucified! Working the Steps only brings a man in Christ back to living under an Old Covenant. Will-worship is actually a form of death, an unnecessary and unprofitable practice which will cause man to fall victim to his flesh, trying to fix something that is dead and beyond repair.
Forget will-worship; Worship the Lord Jesus Christ, who has given you all things: Himself (Romans 8: 31-32)
AA promotes nothing but will-worship.
No matter how times the "Big Book" tells people that this is a program to get rid of self, the meetings were filled with people who talked about the number of years that they had stayed sober.
I still remember one older lady who had gone for a ride in a fancy limosine, when she was offered a drink.
"I was this close to drinking again. It's easier than one might think."
Whereupon she shared at length how she had avoided that drink.
She had avoided it.
No matter how many times the writer in the book mentions "the Spirit" and the ease with which people stay sober, one thing that had struck me many times in meetings is that most members were living life as if it were an endurance contest.
The Twelve Steps does not give a man life, nor does the program offer redemption unhindered. The need for full absolution cannot be found in working steps.
In fact, it cannot be a work at all.
Mankind is born dead in his trespasses. He needs something more, something which he cannot be, have, or make on his own.
"Not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh."
Our flesh must be crucified, and we receive this death through the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ:
"20I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. 21I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." (Galatians 2: 20-21)
For the believer, your flesh has already been crucified! Working the Steps only brings a man in Christ back to living under an Old Covenant. Will-worship is actually a form of death, an unnecessary and unprofitable practice which will cause man to fall victim to his flesh, trying to fix something that is dead and beyond repair.
Forget will-worship; Worship the Lord Jesus Christ, who has given you all things: Himself (Romans 8: 31-32)
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Why People Cannot Make You Mad
Men and women are not defined by their soul or their sense.
We are defined by spirit, by the eternity which God has set in our hearts (Ecclesiastes 3: 11).
Thus, we have no reason, no business to apply or define ourselves by what is see, for only what is invisible to the naked eye is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18)
So, people cannot really make us mad, since who we are has nothing to do with who we are.
In fact, everything that we have. Everything that we are, is bound up in Christ:
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. 21I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." (Galatians 2: 20-21)
We are to reckon ourselves dead in the flesh (Romans 6:11). We are called to set our eyes on things above (Colossians 3:1-4), for Jesus Christ is our life.
People cannot make us mad if they attack our bodies or our minds. We relate to God through our spirits, and men can do nothing about our perfect standing of righteousness in Christ.
I used to be so easily hurt, so easily crushed by the shock, awe, the slights and slanders of men.
Now I see that I am a new creation in Christ. I do not see myself, but I see Christ Jesus and Him crucified as the source of every good thing in my life.
Paul writes that we are to bring all things into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10: 5)
Why do we bring every thought into Christ's obedience?
Because when Jesus Christ obeyed his Father, by taking on the form of man and dying on the Cross, he ended up cutting the New Covenant with His blood:
"For this is my blood of the new testament which is shed for many for the remission of sins" (Matthew 26: 28)
"Testament" is the same word for "Covenant".
"10For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:
11And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest. 12For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (Hebrews 8::10-12)
When we live our lives Christ-conscious, we rest in His righteousness, which then activates the entire New Covenant -- He guides us from within through His laws in our hearts and minds. He is a God for us, and we are His people. He teaches us about Himself without any effort or striving on our part. Why? Because only the blood of Jesus can wipe away our sin, and make us so clean that God's Holy Spirit can enter us, so that Christ Jesus can be our glory from within.
We are no longer defined by what we think, nor do we get discouraged by what we feel. The curses of men cannot light upon us, either, because in Christ we enjoy the New Covenant as New Creation in Christ, that all our sins are forgiven.
The reproach of men cannot attack your Spirit. The grace of God abounds in the midst of man's wickedness. No weapon formed against you can prosper.
People cannot make you mad, also, because the fears and resentments of man is in his flesh, and you and I do not identify with our flesh anymore, because we are alive in Christ!
We are defined by spirit, by the eternity which God has set in our hearts (Ecclesiastes 3: 11).
Thus, we have no reason, no business to apply or define ourselves by what is see, for only what is invisible to the naked eye is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18)
So, people cannot really make us mad, since who we are has nothing to do with who we are.
In fact, everything that we have. Everything that we are, is bound up in Christ:
"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. 21I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." (Galatians 2: 20-21)
We are to reckon ourselves dead in the flesh (Romans 6:11). We are called to set our eyes on things above (Colossians 3:1-4), for Jesus Christ is our life.
People cannot make us mad if they attack our bodies or our minds. We relate to God through our spirits, and men can do nothing about our perfect standing of righteousness in Christ.
I used to be so easily hurt, so easily crushed by the shock, awe, the slights and slanders of men.
Now I see that I am a new creation in Christ. I do not see myself, but I see Christ Jesus and Him crucified as the source of every good thing in my life.
Paul writes that we are to bring all things into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10: 5)
Why do we bring every thought into Christ's obedience?
Because when Jesus Christ obeyed his Father, by taking on the form of man and dying on the Cross, he ended up cutting the New Covenant with His blood:
"For this is my blood of the new testament which is shed for many for the remission of sins" (Matthew 26: 28)
"Testament" is the same word for "Covenant".
"10For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:
11And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest. 12For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (Hebrews 8::10-12)
When we live our lives Christ-conscious, we rest in His righteousness, which then activates the entire New Covenant -- He guides us from within through His laws in our hearts and minds. He is a God for us, and we are His people. He teaches us about Himself without any effort or striving on our part. Why? Because only the blood of Jesus can wipe away our sin, and make us so clean that God's Holy Spirit can enter us, so that Christ Jesus can be our glory from within.
We are no longer defined by what we think, nor do we get discouraged by what we feel. The curses of men cannot light upon us, either, because in Christ we enjoy the New Covenant as New Creation in Christ, that all our sins are forgiven.
The reproach of men cannot attack your Spirit. The grace of God abounds in the midst of man's wickedness. No weapon formed against you can prosper.
People cannot make you mad, also, because the fears and resentments of man is in his flesh, and you and I do not identify with our flesh anymore, because we are alive in Christ!
Resentment, Fear, and all the Rest: Flesh!
AA distorts a man's proper identity.
He is not his feelings or his thoughts. I was surprised to be sharing this truth with a member who had been working the program for over thirty years. She never connected the truth of who we are, which has nothing to do with who we are.
All throughout the AA literature, the AA cult tells people to look at their feelings, look at their past, look at themselves.
All of this preoccupation with self is precisely the reason why people drink, binge, waste their lives on addictive substances. This love of self, this attempt to fix ourselves through our own means causes more of the problems.
Men and women were never meant to be the center of the universe, or the final focus of their lives.
The truth sets a man free, and the truth is that everything is not up to us, or all about us in the first place.
Man is a spirit, he possesses a soul, and he lives in a body. Man is not defined by what he feels or what he thinks.
Man is a spirit:
"And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." (Genesis 2:7)
He possess a soul:
"In your patience possess ye your souls." (Luke 21:19)
He lives in a body:
"What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?" (1 Corinthians 6: 19)
We do not identify with our bodies, but with the Spirit of God in us:
"Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 6: 11)
Paul then writes:
"16This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. 17For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. 18But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law." (Galatians 5: 16-18)
Then Paul outlines what are the "works of the flesh"":
"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." (Galatians 5: 19-21)
Man is spirit, not flesh (the realm of self and self-effort), but to the extent that man in his own effort tried to do anything, to that extent will the flesh manifest in his life.
Her is the good news for every believe in the Body of Christ, and for anyone who is struggling to work the Twelve Steps and go nowhere: as a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), you do not identify with the resentments, fears, envies, or any other negatives within you. In fact, you can simply dust them away as ashes, since you now identity with God's Spirit within you.
Resentment, fears, and all the rest are hold-over from the Old Adam flesh which every man and woman is saddled with in this life. Look at Christ, identity with Him, for:
"As He is, so are we in this world." (1 John 4:17)
He is not his feelings or his thoughts. I was surprised to be sharing this truth with a member who had been working the program for over thirty years. She never connected the truth of who we are, which has nothing to do with who we are.
All throughout the AA literature, the AA cult tells people to look at their feelings, look at their past, look at themselves.
All of this preoccupation with self is precisely the reason why people drink, binge, waste their lives on addictive substances. This love of self, this attempt to fix ourselves through our own means causes more of the problems.
Men and women were never meant to be the center of the universe, or the final focus of their lives.
The truth sets a man free, and the truth is that everything is not up to us, or all about us in the first place.
Man is a spirit, he possesses a soul, and he lives in a body. Man is not defined by what he feels or what he thinks.
Man is a spirit:
"And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." (Genesis 2:7)
He possess a soul:
"In your patience possess ye your souls." (Luke 21:19)
He lives in a body:
"What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?" (1 Corinthians 6: 19)
We do not identify with our bodies, but with the Spirit of God in us:
"Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 6: 11)
Paul then writes:
"16This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. 17For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. 18But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law." (Galatians 5: 16-18)
Then Paul outlines what are the "works of the flesh"":
"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." (Galatians 5: 19-21)
Man is spirit, not flesh (the realm of self and self-effort), but to the extent that man in his own effort tried to do anything, to that extent will the flesh manifest in his life.
Her is the good news for every believe in the Body of Christ, and for anyone who is struggling to work the Twelve Steps and go nowhere: as a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), you do not identify with the resentments, fears, envies, or any other negatives within you. In fact, you can simply dust them away as ashes, since you now identity with God's Spirit within you.
Resentment, fears, and all the rest are hold-over from the Old Adam flesh which every man and woman is saddled with in this life. Look at Christ, identity with Him, for:
"As He is, so are we in this world." (1 John 4:17)
Friday, January 25, 2013
"Celebrate Recovery" and a Sense of Dread
One friend of mine, his name was Stu, wanted to start his own Celebrate Recovery meeting at his church.
At first, about five people showed up, then about two or three more over time.
Eventually, he went around to other meetings pitching his meeting at other Celebrate Recovery meetings, looking for more people who would be interested in joining.
I liked the meetings for a little while. His meeting were more orderly, and he wanted to make the most of the time with other Christians who wanted to recover.
Like many people in recovery circles, Stu had low-esteem and a lingering sense of dread in his life.
Someone else very close to me, who was heavily invested in the Twelve Steps, also confided to me that every day she went around with a sense of dread, convinced that people were going to be mean to her.
This sense of dread is all too common for many believes, I think.
The reason is very simple: they do not believe that all their sins are forgiven, or they are operating under a conception of God drawn out of the Old Covenant.
The New Covenant could not be clearer:
"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:
"And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.
"For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more."" (Hebrews 8: 10-12)
As long as men and women are convinced that they have to recover, then that means that they are not identifying with Jesus Christ. In Christ, we are made a new creation:
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." (2 Corinthians 5: 17)
How has this happened? Paul explained in the next verse:
"And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;" (2 Corinthians 5: 18)
We have been made the righteousness of God in Christ, and He has reconciled us with God the Father.
We do not need recovery, for every person who believes on Jesus Christ has been recovered, reconciled, and declared righteous.
Yet as long as individual believers continue to submit to obeying rules, keeping up appearances and accounts in order to reconcile themselves to God and make themselves righteous through their own efforts, they are not resting in the New Covenant, for every element of the New is based on what God will do, not us. Furthermore, the Old Covenant of obeying God so that He will bless us is replaced by the New (Hebrews 8:13), so it is pointless and fruitless to operate according to such principles, since God has offered us something much better in the New Covenant, which Jesus cut for us through His death on the Cross.
If men and women refuse to believe and rest in the final sacrifice of Jesus Christ, these are the consequences:
"26For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, 27But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. 28He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses: 29Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?" (Hebrews 10: 26-29)
A certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, sorer punishment: in other words, a sense of dread.
The adherence to rules on the outside instead of letting God reign in us form the inside will create this fearful foreboding, this sense of dread. I do not write these comments to suggest that people in Celebrate Recovery are not saved, but they are fallen from grace in that they are trying to earn what we must receive by faith.
At first, about five people showed up, then about two or three more over time.
Eventually, he went around to other meetings pitching his meeting at other Celebrate Recovery meetings, looking for more people who would be interested in joining.
I liked the meetings for a little while. His meeting were more orderly, and he wanted to make the most of the time with other Christians who wanted to recover.
Like many people in recovery circles, Stu had low-esteem and a lingering sense of dread in his life.
Someone else very close to me, who was heavily invested in the Twelve Steps, also confided to me that every day she went around with a sense of dread, convinced that people were going to be mean to her.
This sense of dread is all too common for many believes, I think.
The reason is very simple: they do not believe that all their sins are forgiven, or they are operating under a conception of God drawn out of the Old Covenant.
The New Covenant could not be clearer:
"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:
"And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.
"For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more."" (Hebrews 8: 10-12)
As long as men and women are convinced that they have to recover, then that means that they are not identifying with Jesus Christ. In Christ, we are made a new creation:
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." (2 Corinthians 5: 17)
How has this happened? Paul explained in the next verse:
"And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;" (2 Corinthians 5: 18)
We have been made the righteousness of God in Christ, and He has reconciled us with God the Father.
We do not need recovery, for every person who believes on Jesus Christ has been recovered, reconciled, and declared righteous.
Yet as long as individual believers continue to submit to obeying rules, keeping up appearances and accounts in order to reconcile themselves to God and make themselves righteous through their own efforts, they are not resting in the New Covenant, for every element of the New is based on what God will do, not us. Furthermore, the Old Covenant of obeying God so that He will bless us is replaced by the New (Hebrews 8:13), so it is pointless and fruitless to operate according to such principles, since God has offered us something much better in the New Covenant, which Jesus cut for us through His death on the Cross.
If men and women refuse to believe and rest in the final sacrifice of Jesus Christ, these are the consequences:
"26For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, 27But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. 28He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses: 29Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?" (Hebrews 10: 26-29)
A certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, sorer punishment: in other words, a sense of dread.
The adherence to rules on the outside instead of letting God reign in us form the inside will create this fearful foreboding, this sense of dread. I do not write these comments to suggest that people in Celebrate Recovery are not saved, but they are fallen from grace in that they are trying to earn what we must receive by faith.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Who the Solution is. . .Jesus
I worked at a charter school, too, got everything that I wanted.
And I was still plagued by this confusion.
What was I supposed to be doing, exactly? How did I know that I was doing the right thing or the wrong thing?
I was so sin conscious in those days. The amount of tension and trauma that I felt on the inside was just more than I could imagine. No wonder I crashed and walked off the job.
First, I had not sense of rest or trust as to what I was sensing, feeling, what I wanted or did not want. I could do whatever I wanted, then a "whatever" attitude would be the dominant factor in my life.
The New Covenant deals with this problem:
"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts:"
I also felt very alone, as if God was someone whom I had to hold onto, not someone who was watching out for me and moving in my life. The second part of verse ten puts that lie to death:
"And I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:" (Hebrews 8: 10)
Wow. The LORD Yahweh, who was and is and ever will be, is my God. He will move in my life in anyway that I need. He quickens in my heart what He has made me to be -- the righteousness of God in Christ -- and He moves within me both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
He has an intimate, fully caring relationship with me, because He gives to me the same standing as His own Son by the power of the Holy Spirit. I receive this Spirit of Sonship, and my heart cries out "Daddy!"
I never knew that Jesus Christ lives in me, or that His life in me was leading me in the Way that He wanted me to do.
One friend comforted me with "He will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13: 5) For some reason, this was not good enough for me, and I never quite understood why. I "felt" that Jesus was far away, and these feelings were often all over the place. Feelings speak of "self", of "the flesh", but every believer is called to rest in His righteousness, not run to his or her own works and trust in his feelings.
Wow, how confused I was.
Rest is the last thing most Christians talk about, but Jesus Christ invites us to let Him be our rest.
I am thrilled to be able to explain everything finally and at last to myself and to anyone who many find himself or herself suffering through the same confusion of hearing New Covenant promises yet still laboring under Old Covenant traditions.
And I was still plagued by this confusion.
What was I supposed to be doing, exactly? How did I know that I was doing the right thing or the wrong thing?
I was so sin conscious in those days. The amount of tension and trauma that I felt on the inside was just more than I could imagine. No wonder I crashed and walked off the job.
First, I had not sense of rest or trust as to what I was sensing, feeling, what I wanted or did not want. I could do whatever I wanted, then a "whatever" attitude would be the dominant factor in my life.
The New Covenant deals with this problem:
"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts:"
I also felt very alone, as if God was someone whom I had to hold onto, not someone who was watching out for me and moving in my life. The second part of verse ten puts that lie to death:
"And I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:" (Hebrews 8: 10)
Wow. The LORD Yahweh, who was and is and ever will be, is my God. He will move in my life in anyway that I need. He quickens in my heart what He has made me to be -- the righteousness of God in Christ -- and He moves within me both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
He has an intimate, fully caring relationship with me, because He gives to me the same standing as His own Son by the power of the Holy Spirit. I receive this Spirit of Sonship, and my heart cries out "Daddy!"
I never knew that Jesus Christ lives in me, or that His life in me was leading me in the Way that He wanted me to do.
One friend comforted me with "He will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13: 5) For some reason, this was not good enough for me, and I never quite understood why. I "felt" that Jesus was far away, and these feelings were often all over the place. Feelings speak of "self", of "the flesh", but every believer is called to rest in His righteousness, not run to his or her own works and trust in his feelings.
Wow, how confused I was.
Rest is the last thing most Christians talk about, but Jesus Christ invites us to let Him be our rest.
I am thrilled to be able to explain everything finally and at last to myself and to anyone who many find himself or herself suffering through the same confusion of hearing New Covenant promises yet still laboring under Old Covenant traditions.
What the Problem Was, Really. . .AA (Christ Alone is the Only Answer)
I read my Bible, my devotional, and a chapter from the Big Book. I even read portions from "As Bill Sees It", as if those insights would give me insight onto how to live my life.
Still, life was not worth living. There did not seem to be anything worth doing in this life. I had no energy, no drive, no certainty that anything would be worth doing.
I was bored at my job. Yes, I was a full-time teacher in South Gate. I had all that I needed, but not the greatest need: righteousness:
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6: 33-34)
Righteousness is the key enforcer of the New Covenant, because God is propitious to our unrighteousness, and does not remember our sins and iniquities anymore (Thank You, Jesus!)
I took up a Masters Degree Program, hoping that achieving more things would make life worth living. Instead of tedium, my life was nothing but tension. I was rushing around from one activity to the next, with no down time. I was tired, had no capacity to rest, because I did not see Jesus as the All-Powerful Savior who wanted to move in every corner of my life. I did not realize that He is my Life in every way.
Once again, AA is to blame, because the program fosters in every person the dreaded, evil notion that they have to keep up their connection with God.
Jesus Christ alone is the answer, the only answer. There is no adding to all that Jesus Christ did for us on the Cross. When He said "It is Finished", he was not blowing smoke, he was not alleging that someone else would tie up loose ends, He was not hoping that someone would pick up where He left off. The work is done. Will you believe Him or not?
I did not believe Him at the time. The ministry of condemnation was still quite strong in my life, borne in my soul because of the law mentality.
In effect, I had the following:
"26For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, 27But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries." (Hebrews 10: 26-27)
It's not enough to "have knowledge" of the Truth. We must choose to rest in the truth (Hebrews 4: 8-11) AA does not let anyone rest.
In Hebrews 10: 26-27), "sin wilfully" refers to the choice of Hebrew Christians who insisted on sacrificing animals, even though they believed that Jesus is the Messiah. Christians who have joined AA are also "sinning wilfully" because they believe that they have to confess their sins, take their inventory, search their hearts for any sins, when God does not even remember our sins anymore. The blood of Jesus Christ keeps on cleansing us (1 John 1:7), and any animal sacrifice suggests that the believer does not believe that Jesus did it all.
Christ is the only answer, because His blood atones completely. Man cannot be satisfied with sometime knowledge that people are not getting away with their wrongdoing.
I could never shake this sense of ill-will in my life, this sin conscience. Even when I talked with other Christians about what I was going through, they could tell me what this "emptiness" was. Frustrating, to say the least.
I went from tight, to uptight, to tied up in my life. I lost my temper, lost my peace, and did not know what else to do about it.
I walked off of one job after another, so fed up was I with all that I had done to find some peace in my life.
The one theme in much of what I was going through: when all else seemed to fail, I went back to an AA meeting, hoping to find some peace of mind, some answers. That was all I knew.
Yet the sin conscience remains, the sense that God is not happy with you, or that you are all alone in the world.
Still, life was not worth living. There did not seem to be anything worth doing in this life. I had no energy, no drive, no certainty that anything would be worth doing.
I was bored at my job. Yes, I was a full-time teacher in South Gate. I had all that I needed, but not the greatest need: righteousness:
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6: 33-34)
Righteousness is the key enforcer of the New Covenant, because God is propitious to our unrighteousness, and does not remember our sins and iniquities anymore (Thank You, Jesus!)
I took up a Masters Degree Program, hoping that achieving more things would make life worth living. Instead of tedium, my life was nothing but tension. I was rushing around from one activity to the next, with no down time. I was tired, had no capacity to rest, because I did not see Jesus as the All-Powerful Savior who wanted to move in every corner of my life. I did not realize that He is my Life in every way.
Once again, AA is to blame, because the program fosters in every person the dreaded, evil notion that they have to keep up their connection with God.
Jesus Christ alone is the answer, the only answer. There is no adding to all that Jesus Christ did for us on the Cross. When He said "It is Finished", he was not blowing smoke, he was not alleging that someone else would tie up loose ends, He was not hoping that someone would pick up where He left off. The work is done. Will you believe Him or not?
I did not believe Him at the time. The ministry of condemnation was still quite strong in my life, borne in my soul because of the law mentality.
In effect, I had the following:
"26For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, 27But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries." (Hebrews 10: 26-27)
It's not enough to "have knowledge" of the Truth. We must choose to rest in the truth (Hebrews 4: 8-11) AA does not let anyone rest.
In Hebrews 10: 26-27), "sin wilfully" refers to the choice of Hebrew Christians who insisted on sacrificing animals, even though they believed that Jesus is the Messiah. Christians who have joined AA are also "sinning wilfully" because they believe that they have to confess their sins, take their inventory, search their hearts for any sins, when God does not even remember our sins anymore. The blood of Jesus Christ keeps on cleansing us (1 John 1:7), and any animal sacrifice suggests that the believer does not believe that Jesus did it all.
Christ is the only answer, because His blood atones completely. Man cannot be satisfied with sometime knowledge that people are not getting away with their wrongdoing.
I could never shake this sense of ill-will in my life, this sin conscience. Even when I talked with other Christians about what I was going through, they could tell me what this "emptiness" was. Frustrating, to say the least.
I went from tight, to uptight, to tied up in my life. I lost my temper, lost my peace, and did not know what else to do about it.
I walked off of one job after another, so fed up was I with all that I had done to find some peace in my life.
The one theme in much of what I was going through: when all else seemed to fail, I went back to an AA meeting, hoping to find some peace of mind, some answers. That was all I knew.
Yet the sin conscience remains, the sense that God is not happy with you, or that you are all alone in the world.
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