I will never forget the story that my mother would tell me.
She sat in an Al-Anon meeting for about two years. She shared with the other ladies in the group that she was having a terrible time with her own mother, a woman who had abused her much.
I have heard stories which suggest that my grandmother was very abusive to my mother, that she would go over her childhood home to meet with her mother, then she would come home and cry because of all the hurtful things that she would say.
My father told my mother that if she insisted on going to visit her mother, at least she should not take us, me and my sister, with her.
But the day finally came when she began sharing her painful upset with the other members of her Al-Anon meeting.
Then she would tell me how one of the woman then walked up to her:
"Do not let anyone get in between you and your higher power."
I used to hear this phrase over and over. She shared this story many times, and I was convinced that she was bringing up an important principle about living a healthy life -- anyone who causes you immense spiritual trouble must be removed from your life.
Now that I look back on this event, I have begun to realize that there are a number of problems with it, and the resulting issues which caused so much grief then never got settled.
Indeed, my mother finally wrote her mother a letter, letting her go once and for all. My mom later told me that they had one more meeting in their lives, then her mother died.
Yet I can tell you that my mother did not have peace. She did not let go of her upset about her mother. Many times throughout her life, she was still talking about the terrible pain that her mother had put her through. From time to time, she would scream and yell about the things that she had gone through.
"You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
It's the Truth that sets us free, and a crucial element of this truth -- that in Christ we are a new Creation, in our Spirit we are made new, in our minds and bodies we may still fail, or fall short, as in the case of reminiscing about people, places, and persons who have hurt us.
I am more convinced than ever that Satan uses these memories to try to bring us into bondage, yet the more that we rejoice in the forgiveness of sins, the blood the keeps on cleansing us, then the greater the grace and truth that we receive which sets us free!
I am outraged at the crappy program of AA, one which teaches members to keep looking at themselves, their feelings, telling them that they must take their inventory, keep confessing their sins and shortcomings. We are to reckon ourselves dead when we are slighted, we do not have to give in to those empty feelings. Not at all. Look at Jesus, people, as He transforms you from glory to glory.
Thank You, Jesus, for being the Truth that we all need! I am still learning so much about identifying with Jesus as opposed to trying to fix "dead Adam".
Having written this part, I must share that it is not enough to "get rid of" the people in our lives who have harmed us. The lies which we have been bombarded with in our lives can keep us captive, even if we cut off the hurtful people who have done us wrong, yet if we go to the Word, we will find the Truth that sets us free, the altogether lovely Jesus Christ, we never leaves us nor forsakes us.
The other issue from that little meeting that my mother had many years ago, which I now look at from a different perspective: No one can separate us from our Higher Power. To even speak of a Higher Power is sheer nonsense, to boot. Jesus Christ is as High as it gets -- and we are seated in Heavenly places with Him! (Ephesians 2: 6)
Not only does it do us no good to cut off the bad parents in our lives, we still need a Parent, a Big D-Daddy whom we can run to whenever we have a need:
"For ye have not
received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of
adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father." (Romans 8: 15)
I am now convinced that the only trick that the enemy powers and principalities (2 Corinthians 10: 4-5) have is to distract us from receiving this love, from growing in grace and knowledge of Him who has called us, who has sanctified us, who is moving in our lives all the more.
We still need a parent, we have this parent, and let us get to know this parent more and more!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
"Hitting Bottom": A Bottomless Pit
"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8: 32)
The idea that individuals have to "hit bottom" is pure nonsense.
For many people, they never reach the bottom. They will struggle and fall, then when things start to even out, they will end up doing the very things that had brought them into bondage before.
What is the bottom for most people? Even in the "Twelve and Twelve" different members would share that for some people, it was losing their job. For others, they had to lost everything that they had. Still others kept on drinking, convinced that they could never break free.
Of course, what causes people to lose themselves in their addiction is the excessive effort which they put into doing what they are doing.
What does it mean to give up on living our lives "Self-will run riot"?
I have found that as often as I was willing to keep taking my inventory, to keep focusing on what I had done, then the bottom never really ended, did it?
The whole program is spiral of self, where men and women spend more time just looking at themselves and their feelings, never looking at Jesus Christ, seated at the right hand of the Father:
"If ye then be risen
with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the
right hand of God." (Colossians 3: 1)
Jesus is the Truth, and He gives us Himself, He is our rest, and we can rest assured in Him that He will meet all of our needs, if we will only trust Him.
When I realized that I could never confess my sins enough in order to take away the sense of shame, then I felt a sense of peace. However, the sense of shame could come and go. Yet when I rest in the TRUTH that I am a new Creation in Him, when I accept that all things have changed for me, regardless of how I feel or what I may be going through, then I found peace. You will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.
It's not doing or saying or even thinking something over and over that sets us free -- it is the growing revelation of God's love for us that sets us free. The element of doing something over and over, as if the doing will change our lives, creates more problems, getting us lost and occupied in ourselves instead of resting in the Truth.
"Keep coming back, it works if you work it" -- the whole program turns into a cycle that no one escapes from.
The way out of the pit is not to hit a "bottom", but to hear the truth that in Christ, all your sins are forgiven. Then life goes from avoiding one pitfall after another to growing in revelation of all the wonderful things that are in you through Christ Jesus!
The idea that individuals have to "hit bottom" is pure nonsense.
For many people, they never reach the bottom. They will struggle and fall, then when things start to even out, they will end up doing the very things that had brought them into bondage before.
What is the bottom for most people? Even in the "Twelve and Twelve" different members would share that for some people, it was losing their job. For others, they had to lost everything that they had. Still others kept on drinking, convinced that they could never break free.
Of course, what causes people to lose themselves in their addiction is the excessive effort which they put into doing what they are doing.
What does it mean to give up on living our lives "Self-will run riot"?
I have found that as often as I was willing to keep taking my inventory, to keep focusing on what I had done, then the bottom never really ended, did it?
The whole program is spiral of self, where men and women spend more time just looking at themselves and their feelings, never looking at Jesus Christ, seated at the right hand of the Father:
Jesus is the Truth, and He gives us Himself, He is our rest, and we can rest assured in Him that He will meet all of our needs, if we will only trust Him.
When I realized that I could never confess my sins enough in order to take away the sense of shame, then I felt a sense of peace. However, the sense of shame could come and go. Yet when I rest in the TRUTH that I am a new Creation in Him, when I accept that all things have changed for me, regardless of how I feel or what I may be going through, then I found peace. You will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.
It's not doing or saying or even thinking something over and over that sets us free -- it is the growing revelation of God's love for us that sets us free. The element of doing something over and over, as if the doing will change our lives, creates more problems, getting us lost and occupied in ourselves instead of resting in the Truth.
"Keep coming back, it works if you work it" -- the whole program turns into a cycle that no one escapes from.
The way out of the pit is not to hit a "bottom", but to hear the truth that in Christ, all your sins are forgiven. Then life goes from avoiding one pitfall after another to growing in revelation of all the wonderful things that are in you through Christ Jesus!
Turn Your Will and Life Over to Whom?
I never liked the exhortation of the Third Step:
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. "
"Turn our will" -- only one will? Yet there are many lives. . .
What's going on here?
The notion that one will animates every member of the program leaks through in this step, and this idea is a false one worth no honor or respect.
How can I "turn my will and life" over to someone?
And who is this "God" that I am trusting?
This thinking kept me locked in such heavy bondage year after year. Often, I would wait for a "voice" or some impression to work its way through in my life, which never happened.
The religious fanaticism that this step, when applied in its full, unadulterated entirety, creates more problems than solutions, further pushing individuals to run their lives by someone else rather than trusting God to lead them through the promptings of the Spirit.
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. "
"Turn our will" -- only one will? Yet there are many lives. . .
What's going on here?
The notion that one will animates every member of the program leaks through in this step, and this idea is a false one worth no honor or respect.
How can I "turn my will and life" over to someone?
And who is this "God" that I am trusting?
This thinking kept me locked in such heavy bondage year after year. Often, I would wait for a "voice" or some impression to work its way through in my life, which never happened.
The religious fanaticism that this step, when applied in its full, unadulterated entirety, creates more problems than solutions, further pushing individuals to run their lives by someone else rather than trusting God to lead them through the promptings of the Spirit.
A Bad Sponsor with a Bad Conception of God
So, Sam dropped some wicked ideas on me.
He had told me that he would be happy to meet with me, then at the last minute tried to back out.
Then he told me that if I wanted to go through the steps with him the same way that his sponsor had done, then I had better prepare for twenty-four weeks of inventories, working steps, writing out my thoughts and amends on paper.
I did not want to do any of that, for the most part because I had been doing that for so long, anyway, to no effect. At the time, I had not put any of this together.
Then Sam went on about his little life, how he liked to build things, how he liked to rest and depend on his wife, hoping that she would play Mommy for him.
Then he shared a more sinister turn to his program. This man began to have some shaky ideas about the God of His understanding.
He had started losing faith in a God who could "sit by" in his words while terrorists attacked the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001.
He could not reconcile his understanding of a Higher Power with this image of a distant deity who did not care.
This account blasts through once and for all what men and women cannot choose a God of their own understanding. The God revealed in the Bible is a lavish, loving God, one whose goodness leads to repentance, a goodness which mankind in his fallen mind cannot grasp except by giving up on his own efforts, submitting to His love because in his own efforts man cannot be holy and blameless.
I remembered his dour appraisal of his higher power, enough that when I went back to that same meeting a few months later, I saw Sam again, but at that time he was half the man he used to be, so quiet, so beaten down, so unsure of himself and everything around him. He said nothing during the entire meeting. He looked disappointment and aggrieved, as if the peace and joy that he was looking for had been alluding him all this time.
The AA program will "help" break people from alcohol, perhaps, but the program does not give man what he really needs: life, and that more abundantly. In permitting men and women to choose their "own conception of God", they are created gods of flesh and law and effort which demand from them more than they can do, for men and women in their limited means will only conjure up ideas and powers who are like them: fallen, unforgiving, brooding, and never satisfied.
He had told me that he would be happy to meet with me, then at the last minute tried to back out.
Then he told me that if I wanted to go through the steps with him the same way that his sponsor had done, then I had better prepare for twenty-four weeks of inventories, working steps, writing out my thoughts and amends on paper.
I did not want to do any of that, for the most part because I had been doing that for so long, anyway, to no effect. At the time, I had not put any of this together.
Then Sam went on about his little life, how he liked to build things, how he liked to rest and depend on his wife, hoping that she would play Mommy for him.
Then he shared a more sinister turn to his program. This man began to have some shaky ideas about the God of His understanding.
He had started losing faith in a God who could "sit by" in his words while terrorists attacked the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001.
He could not reconcile his understanding of a Higher Power with this image of a distant deity who did not care.
This account blasts through once and for all what men and women cannot choose a God of their own understanding. The God revealed in the Bible is a lavish, loving God, one whose goodness leads to repentance, a goodness which mankind in his fallen mind cannot grasp except by giving up on his own efforts, submitting to His love because in his own efforts man cannot be holy and blameless.
I remembered his dour appraisal of his higher power, enough that when I went back to that same meeting a few months later, I saw Sam again, but at that time he was half the man he used to be, so quiet, so beaten down, so unsure of himself and everything around him. He said nothing during the entire meeting. He looked disappointment and aggrieved, as if the peace and joy that he was looking for had been alluding him all this time.
The AA program will "help" break people from alcohol, perhaps, but the program does not give man what he really needs: life, and that more abundantly. In permitting men and women to choose their "own conception of God", they are created gods of flesh and law and effort which demand from them more than they can do, for men and women in their limited means will only conjure up ideas and powers who are like them: fallen, unforgiving, brooding, and never satisfied.
A Bad Sponsor for One Day
I remember another guy from the AA meetings that I used to attend.
This man had impressed me, somewhat, a really sharp tack who seemed to have all the answers.
This guy had a halt in his step, from a stroke, but for the time being, this guy acted as if he had all his oars in the water, that he knew where he was going and what he wanted out of life.
When I was down and out in my life, I found myself back at the same meeting where I had met this halting man, Sam.
He loved talking about his sponsor, a gruff man who got in his face "You're full of sh--t! You're full of sh--t!" He loved to shout in Sam's face, pulling his covers for trying to get away with something, anything.
I was really surprised at how calm and sure the guy acted in the meetings at least. I finally approached the man and asked him to be my sponsor, or at least let me share my umpteenth fourth step with the man.
This guy was happy to oblige, as most people are willing to play confessor and feel better about themselves.
Now, this guy said that he was willing to meet with me on a Tuesday. The Tuesday came, and for some reason the man had not shown up, yet. I called him, and then he told me on the spot that Tuesday was his "rest day", one in which he normally took no time to meet or talk with others.
This man was selfish to beat the band, I began to realize, a guy who did not care about me as much as he wanted to make himself feel good. I was really hurt that he was so unthinking.
Grudgingly, he agreed to meet with me at the local food place down from where I lived. He showed up, walking in very haltingly, taking his time. Then he started talking to me about how he had run the program with his sponsor, the guy who would yell in his face "You're full of sh--t!"
He told me about the crazy stuff he had done when he was drinking, how his sponsor told him everything that he needed to do in order to work his program. He then dropped another bomb on me, this time stating that if I wanted to go through the Twelve Steps with him, I was going to meet every two weeks to go over every step in detail. I did not want to do that. I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest, which I had been doing for quite some time for years, and to no effect, apparently.
I look back on how many times I went through my fourth and tenth steps, talking about the things that I had done, trying to find out what sin that I had done that had made my life unmanageable. Now I fully realize that no amount of inventory taking would have made a difference, and that any confession was not necessary because in Christ all my sins are forgiven and keep being forgiven over and over through His blood.
This man had impressed me, somewhat, a really sharp tack who seemed to have all the answers.
This guy had a halt in his step, from a stroke, but for the time being, this guy acted as if he had all his oars in the water, that he knew where he was going and what he wanted out of life.
When I was down and out in my life, I found myself back at the same meeting where I had met this halting man, Sam.
He loved talking about his sponsor, a gruff man who got in his face "You're full of sh--t! You're full of sh--t!" He loved to shout in Sam's face, pulling his covers for trying to get away with something, anything.
I was really surprised at how calm and sure the guy acted in the meetings at least. I finally approached the man and asked him to be my sponsor, or at least let me share my umpteenth fourth step with the man.
This guy was happy to oblige, as most people are willing to play confessor and feel better about themselves.
Now, this guy said that he was willing to meet with me on a Tuesday. The Tuesday came, and for some reason the man had not shown up, yet. I called him, and then he told me on the spot that Tuesday was his "rest day", one in which he normally took no time to meet or talk with others.
This man was selfish to beat the band, I began to realize, a guy who did not care about me as much as he wanted to make himself feel good. I was really hurt that he was so unthinking.
Grudgingly, he agreed to meet with me at the local food place down from where I lived. He showed up, walking in very haltingly, taking his time. Then he started talking to me about how he had run the program with his sponsor, the guy who would yell in his face "You're full of sh--t!"
He told me about the crazy stuff he had done when he was drinking, how his sponsor told him everything that he needed to do in order to work his program. He then dropped another bomb on me, this time stating that if I wanted to go through the Twelve Steps with him, I was going to meet every two weeks to go over every step in detail. I did not want to do that. I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest, which I had been doing for quite some time for years, and to no effect, apparently.
I look back on how many times I went through my fourth and tenth steps, talking about the things that I had done, trying to find out what sin that I had done that had made my life unmanageable. Now I fully realize that no amount of inventory taking would have made a difference, and that any confession was not necessary because in Christ all my sins are forgiven and keep being forgiven over and over through His blood.
Another Pharisee -- Mario: Part IV
Mario never connected the dots about another strange trend in his life.
Every Celebrate Recovery meeting that he went to, the meeting got small then died out. He was often the only member left.
It never occurred to the man that the meetings were just not working, and that they were just not worth it. The whole program is a shameful shambles of a scam, one which distracts believers from the power and position that they have in Christ by forcing them to focus on themselves and their own efforts instead of trusting in all that God has done for them through His Son.
I often wonder how many meetings have gone belly-up in the last year alone.
I have seen so many signs of "Celebrate Recovery" taken down all over the South Bay. This program does not work, precisely because we are the ones working it in our own effort instead of trusting and resting in God's grace to see us through it all.
The obliviousness of men and women in the Twelve Step Programs is just appalling, yet understandable, as most people have no other idea what they are supposed to do with themselves when they have heard only part of the Gospel, and not the whole Blessing.
Every Celebrate Recovery meeting that he went to, the meeting got small then died out. He was often the only member left.
It never occurred to the man that the meetings were just not working, and that they were just not worth it. The whole program is a shameful shambles of a scam, one which distracts believers from the power and position that they have in Christ by forcing them to focus on themselves and their own efforts instead of trusting in all that God has done for them through His Son.
I often wonder how many meetings have gone belly-up in the last year alone.
I have seen so many signs of "Celebrate Recovery" taken down all over the South Bay. This program does not work, precisely because we are the ones working it in our own effort instead of trusting and resting in God's grace to see us through it all.
The obliviousness of men and women in the Twelve Step Programs is just appalling, yet understandable, as most people have no other idea what they are supposed to do with themselves when they have heard only part of the Gospel, and not the whole Blessing.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Another Pharisee -- Mario: Part III
Mario was a Pharisee, one who pressed works, works, works.
"If you do not work, you do not eat," he loved to quote at me:
"For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat." (2 Thessalonians 3: 10)
Of course, like many verses in the "Celebrate Recovery" program, this verse was taken out of context. Here's the concern that was getting Paul's attention:
"11For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. 12Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread. 13But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing." (2 Thessalonians 3: 11-13)
The problem for Paul was not that the members of the Body of Christ in Thessalonica were shiftless layabouts, but that certain people were minding other people's business, not doing anything that was edifying or meaningful which served the Body of Christ. Paul even exhorts these people to do their work in "quietness". Work is not about stress and strain, not about hurting oneself so that individuals can pride themselves on all that they are doing for others.
The Bible teaches differently about the works that He has supplied for us to do:
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2: 10)
The works that He wants us to do, He has already supplied for us! He made us, He fashioned us, He makes the works within us, and He grants us the will and the ability to do these things (Philippians 2: 13)
The verse that we need to give to people who are down on the luck should not be more demands and shame, but the truth that sets them free:
"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth." (3 John 2)
Like many people who find themselves down on their luck, they feel that God is angry with them, or they feel that they are enduring poverty or privation because they deserve it, and therefore they must keep "doing something" in order to break free. We need to rest and relish our righteousness, which is Christ's, or anything that we do will be marred by our sense of unworthiness, by our constant frustrations to make ourselves right with God, and thus inadvertently bring ourselves under the Curse of the Law instead of the Cross of the Lord.
We must learn to be skillful in righteousness, resting in His perfect approval paid for us at the Cross, then God's grace can flow in our lives and bless us in all our doings. We need to prosper in our mind, will, and emotions first, then our finances and our health will follow. All of this is a matter of faith from beginning to end.
This kind of petty politicking goes on all too often in "Little C" Churches. Old bitties and businessmen who want to pass out their cards rather than receive, rejoice, and release the grace of God in their lives.
Mario was another of these Pharisees, running about being really busy, doing things for the church, but refusing to rest and believe on Him whom God the Father sent for us (John 6: 29). He prided himself on singing in the choir in Church, attending the Celebrate Recovery meetings two or three days a week.
He also volunteered at a Soup Kitchen in Bellflower. This soup kitchen had started out with two or three people showing up. At the time that Mario told me about the soup kitchen - "The King's Table" it was called, but "Beggars Banquet" would have been more appropriate. The beggars, of course, were not the poor men and women who had no jobs and could not afford any food, but rather the men like Mario from the wealth Beach Cities who wanted to feel good about themselves for about three or four hours dishing out food to people less fortunate themselves.
He was a fussy man during these times, so caught up in making himself feel good about doing something good for someone else. Once again, he reminded me of my Dad, who would get very picky and haughty with me when he wanted me to pass the collection plate in church, I guess in part because he wanted to impress other parishioners in Church.
I have to wonder -- are we really doing poor people any favors just giving them good, when they need to hear the Good News of Christ Jesus, that all of their sins have been forgiven, and that if they rest in His grace and truth, he will cause them to prosper. Instead of just giving them physical bread, let us give them the Bread of Life, that eating they may find the greater Strength of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit, who has freed us from the cursed bondage of the law and has given us the gifts of righteousness and grace.
But the men who would congregate in this beaten down church had nothing to give those men and women looking for help, except a lot of food and sense of arrogance self-righteousness as the result of doing something good for someone else. What greater good is there than what Jesus has done on the Cross?
I really hated how they would cut and spread the food all around, how they gave me nothing to do but watch. They scolded and lectured me while I was standing around waiting for something to do. I have never liked these churchy charities which spend more time provoking others and promoting themselves. Mario and his band of "merry men" would also crack crude jokes about their love lives, as if that kind of talk was becoming in a church. I was appalled at what I was hearing.
When I decided to grab something to eat, Mario scolded me for eating near the counter, so worried was he that the health department would "shut them down" -- Oh my goodness!
I hated it. I could not wait to leave. And the second, the last time, that I went to "The King's Table", I was outraged once again that I showed up, and there was nothing for me to do. I stormed off, receiving a call about an hour later from Mario "apologizing" for the misunderstanding. Then again, this guy just shamed me once again for walking away from "fellowship" at the soup kitchen.
I hated it, and the whole thing smacked of making these "rich people" feel better about themselves rather than helping the poor find real power to overcome in their lives.
Much like all Twelve Step programs, which make a fuss about making oneself feel good by finding lower companions to "care for".
"If you do not work, you do not eat," he loved to quote at me:
"For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat." (2 Thessalonians 3: 10)
Of course, like many verses in the "Celebrate Recovery" program, this verse was taken out of context. Here's the concern that was getting Paul's attention:
"11For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. 12Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread. 13But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing." (2 Thessalonians 3: 11-13)
The problem for Paul was not that the members of the Body of Christ in Thessalonica were shiftless layabouts, but that certain people were minding other people's business, not doing anything that was edifying or meaningful which served the Body of Christ. Paul even exhorts these people to do their work in "quietness". Work is not about stress and strain, not about hurting oneself so that individuals can pride themselves on all that they are doing for others.
The Bible teaches differently about the works that He has supplied for us to do:
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2: 10)
The works that He wants us to do, He has already supplied for us! He made us, He fashioned us, He makes the works within us, and He grants us the will and the ability to do these things (Philippians 2: 13)
The verse that we need to give to people who are down on the luck should not be more demands and shame, but the truth that sets them free:
"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth." (3 John 2)
Like many people who find themselves down on their luck, they feel that God is angry with them, or they feel that they are enduring poverty or privation because they deserve it, and therefore they must keep "doing something" in order to break free. We need to rest and relish our righteousness, which is Christ's, or anything that we do will be marred by our sense of unworthiness, by our constant frustrations to make ourselves right with God, and thus inadvertently bring ourselves under the Curse of the Law instead of the Cross of the Lord.
We must learn to be skillful in righteousness, resting in His perfect approval paid for us at the Cross, then God's grace can flow in our lives and bless us in all our doings. We need to prosper in our mind, will, and emotions first, then our finances and our health will follow. All of this is a matter of faith from beginning to end.
This kind of petty politicking goes on all too often in "Little C" Churches. Old bitties and businessmen who want to pass out their cards rather than receive, rejoice, and release the grace of God in their lives.
Mario was another of these Pharisees, running about being really busy, doing things for the church, but refusing to rest and believe on Him whom God the Father sent for us (John 6: 29). He prided himself on singing in the choir in Church, attending the Celebrate Recovery meetings two or three days a week.
He also volunteered at a Soup Kitchen in Bellflower. This soup kitchen had started out with two or three people showing up. At the time that Mario told me about the soup kitchen - "The King's Table" it was called, but "Beggars Banquet" would have been more appropriate. The beggars, of course, were not the poor men and women who had no jobs and could not afford any food, but rather the men like Mario from the wealth Beach Cities who wanted to feel good about themselves for about three or four hours dishing out food to people less fortunate themselves.
He was a fussy man during these times, so caught up in making himself feel good about doing something good for someone else. Once again, he reminded me of my Dad, who would get very picky and haughty with me when he wanted me to pass the collection plate in church, I guess in part because he wanted to impress other parishioners in Church.
I have to wonder -- are we really doing poor people any favors just giving them good, when they need to hear the Good News of Christ Jesus, that all of their sins have been forgiven, and that if they rest in His grace and truth, he will cause them to prosper. Instead of just giving them physical bread, let us give them the Bread of Life, that eating they may find the greater Strength of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit, who has freed us from the cursed bondage of the law and has given us the gifts of righteousness and grace.
But the men who would congregate in this beaten down church had nothing to give those men and women looking for help, except a lot of food and sense of arrogance self-righteousness as the result of doing something good for someone else. What greater good is there than what Jesus has done on the Cross?
I really hated how they would cut and spread the food all around, how they gave me nothing to do but watch. They scolded and lectured me while I was standing around waiting for something to do. I have never liked these churchy charities which spend more time provoking others and promoting themselves. Mario and his band of "merry men" would also crack crude jokes about their love lives, as if that kind of talk was becoming in a church. I was appalled at what I was hearing.
When I decided to grab something to eat, Mario scolded me for eating near the counter, so worried was he that the health department would "shut them down" -- Oh my goodness!
I hated it. I could not wait to leave. And the second, the last time, that I went to "The King's Table", I was outraged once again that I showed up, and there was nothing for me to do. I stormed off, receiving a call about an hour later from Mario "apologizing" for the misunderstanding. Then again, this guy just shamed me once again for walking away from "fellowship" at the soup kitchen.
I hated it, and the whole thing smacked of making these "rich people" feel better about themselves rather than helping the poor find real power to overcome in their lives.
Much like all Twelve Step programs, which make a fuss about making oneself feel good by finding lower companions to "care for".
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