"O foolish Galatians, who hath bewitched you, that ye should
not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ hath been evidently set
forth, crucified among you?" (Galatians 3:1)
The last two weeks have been more than a wonder.
They have been a god-send of real revelation.
I have so much to write about, that I worry that I cannot finish it quickly enough, for all the other projects that I want to write.
The blood of Jesus covers all of my sins forever, past, present, and future. Pastor Prince has been stressing the importance of this crucial revelation, and "crucial" as in Cross is the crux of the point.
It's all about the Cross. Jesus did indeed complete a perfect work at the Cross.
And yet, for the longest time, I did not connect all the pain and hurt that I was feeling, with the fact that I simply did not realize that those pains, that sense of condemnation, was merely the misunderstanding that all of that pain, all of that condemnation was paid for, too.
Let me go back in time, just a little bit.
When I worked at a high school in the Los Angeles are, I struggled with this fear, that God's presence would be taken away from me
or that I would fail, and then God would go away from me. I didn't know how to fail, let alone succeed, because I was so worried about incurring God's wrath.
There was this constant pressure to "keep my mind on God," and with this pressure, there was this constant fear of losing God's presence (favor) in my life, and that I would end up doing all kinds of bad, wrong, or terrible things.
Why did I have this struggle? This fight is going back almost twenty years, and from time to time, the fearful lingering would still rise up in my mind: "What if I take my mind off God? What if I am not thinking about Him enough? What? What if?! What if?!!"
That kind of bondage will drive you crazy, and that is precisely what happened to me.
2008 was a good year, in that I got that great job at the high school. I was on my last leg, had no money, didn't know how I was going to get through the year. Then I saw the ad, I told them the kind of job I was hoping to find, and they took me in.
So many good things were happening in my life, and I was connecting all of this with a proper, broad confession of faith: "I am the righteousness of God. I am righteous."
But the peace didn't last long. There were always fears of failure. There was always that frustrating premonition that something bad could happen, and it would be my doing, and therefore my undoing.
I didn't have an understanding of what it
means to be righteous. I had understood what righteousness was, in that it was some
kind of a magic charm or word, but I didn't realize that all of my sins, tomorrow and the next day and the next day, were paid for forever.
I am righteous because Jesus paid for all my sins. There is indeed power in the Blood!
Yet, I did not know about this power at all. Why?
I was raised by a Stepper Mom. AA was the answer to everything. We were taught that if we felt bad, if we felt guilty, if we had some kind of "Resentment," that we need to take our steps, take an inventory, work a program, etc.
I recalled one of the constant themes pressed in the AA membership in the rewms, and it's this:
"All you have is a daily reprieve."
There is no certainty, peace, or lasting hope in the AA cult. You are taught that you have to keep "working your program" every day so that you don't slip up and drink again.
Does anyone not see how debilitating this kind of life can be? Every day, you are ultimately hounded by this dread that you could screw up and lose everything. You go through life uptight, fearful, constantly looking over your shoulder, worrying that you might fail.
I have also written many times about that toxic Tenth Step (Although all of it is toxic.) Living a life of having to promptly admit your wrongs every time you are wrong, every day looking over your life and seeing where you have failed: what kind of life is that?
And with human beings who have a severe tinge of shame and regret--for whatever reason--the searching never ends.
That's what Bill W. wanted. He desired to build himself into a guru who would have all the answers for everyone else.
That constant soul-searching and fear-mongering in the back of my head dominated me for a few years, especially before, during, and after that teaching job in Los Angeles.
I walked around constantly trying to control my feelings, watching over my thoughts, constantly full of self-reflecting and self-loathing. It was an awful, empty life, one that I would not wish on my worst enemy.
All of that trauma and fear in the back of my head was
nonsense, because there was no need to be afraid since all of my sins had been
paid for and forgiven forever. But I did not know that, since I had not heard the fullness of the Gospel.
One of the questions that constantly nagged at me was: "What if you sin tomorrow? What if you do the wrong thing?" Finally, today, by the grace of God--THANK YOU, JESUS--I can fully answer that question:
"All of tomorrow's sins are paid for. Jesus has covered, paid for, wiped out all sin!"
I also struggled with a sense of loneliness and abandon during that very difficult time. What was I supposed to be doing with my life, then? Is it just an arbitrary free-for-all?
Not at all. Why?
"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of
Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind,
and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be
to me a people:" (Hebrews 8:10)
This is the NEW COVENANT! This is the will of God the Father, of Daddy God, which Jesus accomplished at the Cross (cf Hebrews 10:9)
The same verse above describes how God will put his laws in our minds, and write them in our hearts. The original Hebrews word is "Torah," and that is not just law, but direction, guidance, and leading! It's a personal set of conduct given to us, imparted to us by His Holy Spirit!
"And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This
is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to
the left." (Isaiah 30:21)
But there's more than getting mere direction. He will cause us to know Himself intimately!
"11And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and
every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the
least to the greatest." (Hebrews 8:11)
This was the key part. Daddy God is a real, personal Savior, a real, living God who is watching out for me. He is not some distant, faraway business leader or potentate. He is not someone whom I have to will into existence in order to live and breathe and have any being!
All of these wonderful promises were awaiting me--but I did not know about them. I read the Bible every day, sure, but everything was interpreted through the corrupt, evil lense of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have railed against this blasphemy many times before, and I will continue to do so to this day. Why would any of us limit or ruin God's Word by forcing it through the deceptive sieve of some empty cult?
Because that's what I was taught to do.
So, what makes all the amazing promises and guarantees of the New Covenant come to pass?
"12For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their
sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (Hebrews 8:12)
All our sins are forgiven! ALL OF THEM!
That is not what AA teaches. The awful cult tells you that you have only a reprieve, and that you have to take your inventory, and that you have to work amends. The work never ends in AA, and the sense of fear, dread, worry, sorrow, pain, bitterness, and worst of all condemnation just never goes away.
Why did I have such trauma and such difficulty? Because I
was head deep and Acoholics anonymous, and this stupid lie that I had to take
my inventory all the time.
I did not know anything about the new covenant.
I did not understand that He has everything, paid for because
that's what the Cross is for. If there were tinglings or bad feelings in my
head, or fears or premonitions, the answer is the Cross. Now I understand more
than ever what 2nd Corinthians 10:5 is talking about. I understand what the Helmet of salvation is all about (Ephesians 6:17)
